Ask Me Help Desk - My girlfriend broke up with me but wants to be friends.

My girlfriend broke up with me but wants to be friends.

Me and my ex had been together for 2 1/2 years. We just broke it off. She claims I'm not showing her enough attention. I've been here for this girl since day one. She works 12 hour shifts Monday through Friday. I really don't see her until Fridays. But I check on her every day while at work.

But she wants me to be always on her line like I don't have anything to do in my life. I love her a lot would do anything but she just told me that there's someone else she's interested in trying. This person is a friend for 5 years and she hasn’t told her yet that she likes her and wants to get to know her but she is going to tell her. But she wants us to b friends. I feel she want to hold on to me cause this girl may reject her or it may not work out.

What do I do? Should I be her friend or let it go?

You can be friends with her, but don't wait for her. Tell her she either wants you or the other girl. It's not fair for you

It's the same situation with me bro, the worse thing is we are together for 5 years, she may just say she wants to try this new thing but you have to realize she is just saying this to minimize your pain and the truth is they are already together

I agree with Ammyforthestars, be friends with her but don't wait for her...

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Originally Posted by Amyyforthestars

You can be friends with her, but don't wait for her. Tell her she either wants you or the other girl. It's not fair for you

Yeah that is right, when a girl says she wants to be friends with you after a break up that means she doesn't like talking to you anymore and will only talk to you once in 6-13months hard truth man

I'll be honest as someone that has pulled the let's be friends bit. It signifies that she doesn't want to entirely let you go and deal with the pain of a full fledged breakup. I'm ashamed to say I've done it myself as a way to ease the pain of getting out of a relationship. Bad, bad, bad idea. I think it's really difficult to downgrade a relationship into a friendship. Do you really want to hear about her new girlfriend and think about her with someone else? Um not so much.

Here2Assist, can you enlighten me with that one, my last ex told me about that but she doesn't contact me and I don't contact her either and I found out she replaced me with someone

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Originally Posted by monsieurjj

Here2Assist, can you enlighten me with that one, my last ex told me about that but she doesnt contact me and i dont contact her either and i found out she replaced me with someone

Effectively it's a crutch to dealing with the breakup. Instead of going cold turkey you put out the friend card. I found it to be a security blanket in that if I ever felt lonely or needed to talk he would be there. Looking back it was just me being weak and selfish. I readily admit that. You know that the door is open but you may not necessarily knock.

Not sure how long after your breakup that she started seeing someone else but if it was soon then this guy is just a rebound and she is using replacement therapy to cope with the breakup.

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Originally Posted by here2assist

I'll be honest as someone that has pulled the let's be friends bit. It signifies that she doesn't want to entirely let you go and deal with the pain of a full fledged breakup. I'm ashamed to say I've done it myself as a way to ease the pain of getting out of a relationship. Bad, bad, bad idea. I think it's really difficult to downgrade a relationship into a friendship. Do you really want to hear about her new girlfriend and think about her with someone else? Um not so much.

Very excellent response

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Originally Posted by monsieurjj

Here2Assist, can you enlighten me with that one, my last ex told me about that but she doesn't contact me and I don't contact her either and I found out she replaced me with someone

Quote:

Originally Posted by here2assist
Effectively it's a crutch to dealing with the breakup. Instead of going cold turkey you put out the friend card. I found it to be a security blanket in that if I ever felt lonely or needed to talk he would be there. Looking back it was just me being weak and selfish. I readily admit that. You know that the door is open but you may not necessarily knock.

Not sure how long after your breakup that she started seeing someone else but if it was soon then this guy is just a rebound and she is using replacement therapy to cope with the breakup.

[B]

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But she wants us to be friends. I feel she want to hold on to me cause this girl may reject her or it may not work out.

Totally agree, or she is letting you down easy. Or relieving her guilt!

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What do I do? Should I be her friend or let it go?

Disappear from her life, heal and do your own thing. You are free to experiment and explore better options and opportunities on your own. A clean break is the way to go.

Let her go and do her thing, and you do yours. Don't ease her guilt or be her backup by hanging around in friend zone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by here2assist

Effectively it's a crutch to dealing with the breakup. Instead of going cold turkey you put out the friend card. I found it to be a security blanket in that if I ever felt lonely or needed to talk he would be there. Looking back it was just me being weak and selfish. I readily admit that. You know that the door is open but you may not necessarily knock.

Not sure how long after your breakup that she started seeing someone else but if it was soon then this guy is just a rebound and she is using replacement therapy to cope with the breakup.

Before she broke up with me they are already together

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Originally Posted by monsieurjj

before she broke up with me they are already together

Before she broke up with you she was already together with him?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Before she broke up with you she was already together with him?

Yeah, she told me her love for me has changed to friendship level oh well little did I know after snooping around(I should have not done this and should have stayed in the dark) they were already a couple before we broke up

Then you leave her alone. No need to hang around as friends. Friends don't do that to each other.

That's pretty crappy however in discovering this fact I would be totally turned off and repulsed by her. She doesn't deserve you in her life. I'd end all communication with her yesterday.

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Originally Posted by monsieurjj

yeah, she told me her love for me has changed to friendship level oh well little did i know after snooping around(I should have not done this and should have stayed in the dark) they were already a couple before we broke up

I feel bad for you, I really do. She's a player. Time to move on and eventually you will realize that "he" did you a favor and took "her" off your hands.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I feel bad for you, I really do. She's a player. Time to move on and eventually you will realize that "he" did you a favor and took "her" off your hands.

Awesome I just feel bad the way I treated her sometimes we had problems I am her first everything I'm the first one who made her feel really loved. She was a virgin when we met 21 at that time we broke up she was 26. We are roughly the same age months apart

Let it go, not a good idea to be friends with fresh exes.

Yeah you are correct :)

Hey... After reading all the posts I think it really is best to keep your distance at least for a while yet... Take some time for yourself... This also helped me a bit... I've been trying to hold on so much to something that is by no means possible & will only end with me being hurt... This made me realize that the right thing you could do for yourself is let go of any communication...