Ask Me Help Desk - Ex wants me to move back...

My husband and I hit a really rough financial patch 2 years ago and we moved out of state, with my 2 children from another man and our child together, to stay with my mother so we wouldn't end up on the streets. When we left my ex knew about the move for 2 months and didn't say a word. I have sole physical custody and joint legal custody and the visitation order says I have to allow resonable visitation. Now I read the court papers front to back numerous times before we left the state to make sure I was NOT breaking any laws. Now 2 years later after my husband and I both have found stable work and a stable home and schools for said children he wants to take me to court for taking the kids across state lines illegally and he wants me to move back which just isn't an option for us since we both have stable work here. I want to know if any can I get into legal trouble for leaving the state? I know he can't force me to move back or anything like that but he also wants custody now. I have had custody of the kids for well over 4 years now, and he does not have a job, and he couch surfs for a roof over his head so I don't think he will get that either but would a judge force me to fly back and forth on my dime for him to see the children? Even though he has never once even made the attempt to come and see the children and only calls maybe once a month to talk to them. And when we did live in the same state he only saw them once a month tops (on his own accord might I add).

I just want to know possibly if he ever tries any of this like he says what I might face. Our custody arrangement is out of Minnesota and I am a Washington state resident.

I just went to court with my ex husband. I had to go to Oregon for court because jurisdiction was there - that's where we lived together and where our children were born.

However, he has to come to my state to visit our children and he has to pay for the cost. There are extenuation circumstances, but I don't think they would make you pay for it. If anything, they might make you split the cost.

Under hat circumstances did you move out? That may be part of the determining factors to figuring out what might be said in court.

Financial pressure is the number one reason for divorce. In what you have explained and your reference to the father as "husband". It doesn't sound like you left under some mutual separation agreement it just sounds like you did what you thought was best in trying to meet a goal.

So I have a few questions:

1) Under what circumstances did you leave?

2) Was there a promise of return once the issues were settled?

3) Has there been a determination made by the courts for child support?

4) What do you want to happen with this relationship and your current husband ?

Quote:

Originally Posted by califdadof3

Under hat circumstances did you move out? That may be part of the determining factors to figuring out what might be said in court.

Financial pressure is the number one reason for divorce. In what you have explained and your refference to the father as "husband". It doesnt sound like you left under some mutual seperation agreement it just sounds like you did what you thought was best in trying to meet a goal.

So I have a few questions:

1) Under what circumstances did you leave?

2) Was there a promise of return once the issues were settled?

3) Has there been a determination made by the courts for child support?

4) What do you want to happen with this relationship and your current husband ?

My ex and I were never married but we ended our relationship because he was a heavy drinker and would abuse myself and neglect the kids. I would work 2 sometimes 3 jobs and come home to both my children in heavily soiled diapers, starving, covered in dirt, and him passed out cold on the sofa. So I kicked him out of the home by having him evicted off the lease, on the apartment we rented together, threw the courts. I met my current husband after I ended the relationship with my ex. My current husband and I moved out of state because we couldn't find stable work in Minnesota and my mother lived in Washington and offered to help us out with the children if we moved to Washington. So 2 years ago my current husband and I packed up our family (on my mothers dime) and moved in with her. We both found employment my current husband full time (2 jobs) and myself part time, we now live in our own place. There was never a promise made to my ex to return to Minnesota because we hoped things would turn out the way they have. As far as childsupport I can not get an order for suppot because my ex receives welfare and claims to be disabled and since he keeps reapplying for SSDI they won't kick him off welfare, or get a job, or pay child support. And as far as the relationship with my ex I honestly wish he would leave us alone since he only calls my children while intoxicated and maybe once a month. And my ex doesn't not help with any needs for our 2 children his exact words and I quote " I don't have to help financially that's your husbands job. You left me and got married he has to take care of the kids." Now my husband has no problem taking care of the kids and love my older 2 as if they are his own but he would also love to adopt them and since their "dad" won't let that happen we put up with this...

Thank you savanah I am working on having everything transferred here in hopes that maybe I could get an order for support through a different court system since I can't get anything through the Minnesota court circuit. My children deserve the money from him it is their money and I want theem to have it. We don't need it but they deserve it I would love to put it in savings for their future so they could attend college or whatever they choose. That's why I keep him in the picture but if I can't even get an order for support is it worth keeping such a selfish uncaring person in their lives? So he can continue to hurt my children? My oldest son cries every time he gets off the phone with this man and tells me he doesn't want to talk to him anymore but I force him to because I don't want my ex using it against me in court.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smm841986

... When we left my ex knew about the move for 2 months and didn't say a word. I have sole physical custody and joint legal custody and the visitation order says I have to allow resonable visitation. Now I read the court papers front to back numerous times before we left the state to make sure I was NOT breaking any laws. Now 2 years later ... he wants to take me to court for taking the kids across state lines illegally and he wants me to move back ...

He's blowing smoke.

If he objected to your move, he should have said something then.

Since he didn't, it is unlikely that the court will now require you to pay transportation costs for visitation. Reasonable visitation would, in my humble opinion, be at his expense.

That's what I was thinking but when things are being said about lawyers and such I get worried because it is expensive and when we make trips back for visits he can see the kids but not over night since they don't feel comfortable but they are available for him to see as much as he wants and we cart them to and from since he is not legally allowed to drive.