My boyfriend is 18 and I just turned 19 a week ago. I am heading to college and he has another year of high school left. He wants to get engaged right before his graduation. Then he wants to be married that summer. So, when we go to college we can live together. Since our school requires syudents to live on campus the first two years unless your married or have children. But I don't want to get married that early! So, his solution is to get legally married and not tell anyone. Then when we get out of college have my dream engagement and wedding. But, I don't want to live a lie. I won't be able to change my last name or anything... what do I do?

Do what your gut and your brain are telling you to do. Is this guy a hopeless romantic, or what?

You tell him know. He is young and is sounding pretty desperate about your going away to school.
You guys are young. You are on the right track by waiting.

MY boyfriend and I are in love. We have been friends for four years and dating and in love for over 1 year and 3 months. We are planning on getting engaged in the spring before school is out (I am a freshman in college and he's a senior in high school). Then, we will get leagally married but only tell his parents. So people will just think we are engaged until we have our big wedding. I don't want my family and other people talking about us, making up rumors that I'm pregnant or something and saying were too young. So, we are just saying were engaged. We are going to move in together this summer and live together in an apartment at college. Do you think this is a good idea?
I'm sure a lot of people would call it young lust. But, I really do think that we would be happy together and not get a divorce. His parents were high school sweethearts so it's possible :) At college I sometimes even burst out crying because I miss him so much and I just want him here with me. Then when we are together everything just seems so much better. We have talked a lot about getting married, where we will live, bills, future children, families, basic things that need to be discused before we are married. We also have gotten to know the true other (not that fake person at the beginning of relationships) So, do you think getting married but saying were just engaged is a good idea? And do you think we will last forever? A lot of feedback will be appreciated! :) Thank you!

If the issue is having a big fancy wedding, that can wait. Couples sometimes marry in a small civil ceremony, then have the big wedding when they can afford it.

If the goal is to qualify for college housing, and you are sure that marriage is the future. Then why keep it secret?

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Originally Posted by kaitlynjenae

MY boyfriend and I are in love. We have been friends for four years and dating and in love for over 1 year and 3 months. We are planning on getting engaged in the spring before school is out (I am a freshman in college and he's a senior in high school). Then, we will get leagally married but only tell his parents. So people will just think we are engaged until we have our big wedding. I don't want my family and other people talking about us, making up rumors that im pregnant or something and saying were too young. So, we are just saying were engaged. We are going to move in together this summer and live together in an apartment at college. Do you think this is a good idea?
I'm sure a lot of people would call it young lust. But, I really do think that we would be happy together and not get a divorce. His parents were high school sweethearts so it's possible :) At college I sometimes even burst out crying because I miss him so much and I just want him here with me. Then when we are together everything just seems so much better. We have talked a lot about getting married, where we will live, bills, future children, families, basic things that need to be discused before we are married. We also have gotten to know the true other (not that fake person at the beginning of relationships) So, do you think getting married but saying were just engaged is a good idea? And do you think we will last forever? A lot of feedback will be appreciated! :) Thank you!

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I am as confused as I think you are. This may seem harsh, but I think you need a dose of reality.

Marrying in the Spring but not telling anyone (other than his parents) is supposed to do what? Keep people from speculating about pregnancy, etc. What do you think they will say if they think you are living together without being married when you move in together over the Summer?

Has he applied to and been accepted by the college you are currently attending? Is there any chance that over the next year his plans could change while you are locked into yours?

Frankly, I think you are alone/lonely and missing him which is causing you to not think clearly about the entire situation. You are talking about lying to the people who love and care about you because of what you think they will say. You don't trust them enough to believe they would support your decision so you want to destroy their trust in you and your boyfriend.

How do you think they will react when they find out you lied to them about getting married? Do you really think they won't find out? It will be very difficult to hide the fact that you won't be signing your marriage license at your big wedding when you finally have it. For that matter, if they know the requirements of residency at your college, it will be very clear that you aren't single when you move out to live him in an apartment.

From your first post:

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Since our school requires syudents to live on campus the first two years unless your married or have children.

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Either be open about getting married or wait until you are stable enough to have the wedding you really want.

Try not to allow your emotional confusion to cause you issues at school. Missing him is one thing, letting it affect your classes and interactions with classmates is another.

Good luck.

It's one thing to ask total strangers about getting married just to be able to live in married housing.
But it worries me when you ask us 'do you think we will last forever.'
That always makes me wonder if you are actually having doubts about forever.
I suggest that you stay lonely this year while you test your feelings.

Do I think it will last? 1/2 of all marriages today end in divorce, about 3/4 of marrages at your age ends in divorce. So odds are that no marriage you ever do will last.

At this point since there is consideration of lying, and sneaking around of course it would not last, since it is starting bad to start with. ( personal opinion)

Both of you are going to make major changes in habits, desires, and dreams over the next 4 to 6 years. Being able to handle that will either make you strong or make you split.

You don't sound very convinced to do this.
I think you need to wait until you are truly ready