This is my 2nd question on this board. I got great advise on the first post which actually helped me with my marriage.

Now my 2nd question. This is something that has come up a million times in my marriage. It has to do with getting a break from the baby (now 2 1/2 years old) to go out with my wife. My wife and I are both on our 2nd marriage. She has 1 child from her prev marriage and 1 with me. I have 3 from my prev marriage and 1 with her.

Now, my mother is a good hearted person. When I was with my first wife she would offer to watch the kids for us to go out. Didn't really take her up on it for other reasons but at least she offered. When my kids are in town she has no problems with them staying with her while I'm working. She's very good with them.

With my last child - the 2 1/2 yo from my current marriage - she is very distant. She's only come by our home to see him 3, maybe 4 times since his birth. I've taken him to her house numerous times. She has never offered to watch the baby for even a few hours on a weekend for my wife and I to enjoy a little free time. I know she doesn't like my current wife and maybe that's the reason behind it. This adds a lot of stress to our marriage and creates problems. My wife cannot stand my mother and Ive had to stop her from calling her names in front of me. I just don't understand why my mother is like this considering how she's been in the past with my other kids. I asked her directly last week why she never offers to watch him for half a day or a few hours but she just danced around the question and never answered it.

My wife's best friend has watched him for us 3 times. She's aware of the problems and offered twice during my wife's birthday, our anniversary, and 1 other time. It was nice to go somewhere by ourselves to dinner or a movie. So has anyone else experienced something like this with a grandparent? What can I do to change things?

Tell mom that if she can't treat them all equally then she needs to not even bother. Tell her even if she don't like second wife IT IS NOT RIGHT to blame an innocent child.
If I was your wife and seen all this going on and yet you wanted me not to say negative things I too would be upset. What do you expect her to feel like? Do you want her to just say oh it's all right because it is your mother?
This is the child the two of you made, your wife went through hell giving birth and yet you don't expect her to state exactly how she feels? Wake up , it is also your child your mother treats so coldly and why you are allowing this is beyond my mind.
If your mother can't show love at all then why are you exposing your child to this cruelty?
I say stay away from her till she either shows caring and love to your family or if you don't want to hurt mom you might lose a wife and child. Is that what you want to protect your mothers feelings?
TELL mother either act like a mature person and treat them right or don't even bother calling the house.

Well it's not that she doesn't show love for the baby. She's great with him when I do stop by her house. Not sure if it's an act but she's affectionate with him, plays with him and is normal in grandmotherly ways but she never calls to check how he's doing. She never offers to watch him as mentioned earlier. I understand my wife's point and I would be bothered as well if it were her mother doing this. Maybe I'm just blind because she's my mom and growing up felt like she was very caring.

Tinsign, one of the things that I have found that helps me is when I go back and look for any other questions the person has posted. Helps me get a better handle on the person. Please go back and read Yorgo's previous post. A REAL EYE-OPENER.

Yorgo, as you can see, I read your original posting. Yes, I would hazard a guess that your mother really doesn't like your wife. Considering your wife makes harsh comments about your mother, it is no surprise. Mom keeps her distance for a reason. Look at how your wife has treated your other children, all of whom your Mom loves. It is a very sad situation all around.

I would start with a sit down with your wife. Does she want to go out with you for a "date?" Then tell her she needs to think about the way she treats your family. What I am suggesting to you is called "positive" manipulation (don't mention this to anyone). She needs to extend herself to your mother and be kind. So, you need to manipulate her to get what you want. Explain to her that old expression "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all." Tell her that if she wants a break, she will have to be willing to bend a bit. After all, this is your mother. If she loves you, she needs to accept the people in your life. Explain to her that it doesn't mean she has to become their best friend. Just be civil. If she refuses to do this for you, then you need to make her feel guilty. Tell her when people claim they love each other, they make concessions for each other. A successful marriage is built upon compromise. You always have to find common ground, pick your battles and be willing to bend a little in order for it to succeed. Tell her you are only asking this of her because you want to spend time with her alone, without the distraction of children. If this is too difficult for her, then she can choose to be distant or indifferent, but not mouthy or rude. Life is too short for the anger she carries and it is not a fun way for a person to live.

Then, you need to have a sit down with your mother and tell her about your discussion with your wife about her attitude. Tell her that you do understand that she doesn't like your wife. Gently remind her that the baby is innocent in all of this, he/she isn't your wife, just an innocent child. Also remind her that this is her grandchild and because your mother doesn't like your wife, it doesn't mean that she can't enjoy a relationship with this child as she does with your other children. Tell her how much it hurts you that she can't put aside her differences and experience the joy of a grandchild that lives close to her.

If this doesn't move either one of them, there is not much more you can say. You cannot force someone to interact with another. Just accept the fact that the differences between your wife and your mother are too great and you have tried your best. I would just keep visiting your mother as often as possible with your child (leave wife at home). Let her get to know the child on a one on one situation. It may take a couple of years, but at some point, her heart will melt. If she is capable of loving your other children as much as she does, she will eventually fall in love with this child as long as your wife is kept at a distance.

Hope this helps.

P.S. Yorgo, I just saw your new post after I wrote this. The answer is simple. Your Mother does not want to interact with your Wife. So, she doesn't call. She wants to avoid conversations with her. She has no interest in making your wife's life easy, i.e. babysitting.

That is all well and good she does that much at least because she should.
I still wonder though how she treats your wife so disrespectful and you allow it.
It's time for you, wife, and her to have a heart to heart chat. WHATEVER YOU DO don't get upset with your wife if she says something you don't like. The purpose of heart to heart talks is to air and solve whatever is going on.

By the way, instead of beating around the bush with your mother, choose a date you want to go out with your wife. Call your mother and ask her directly if she will baby sit that evening. See what she says, then take it from there.