Ask Me Help Desk - Is my boyfriend too good to be true?

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years. We were great in the beginning and then all we ever did was fight. We couldn't be in the same room for more than 15 minutes without bickering about something. It was constant and we didn't care where we were we fought. And our fights are brutal, screaming matches and calling each other the worst names we could think of. Being in the car was always the worst. From the second the doors would close one of us would start in about something. About a week and a half ago he started being really sweet. Every so often he gets like this for a day or two, never this long. He's always holding my hand, cuddling, he kisses me so much more passionately and telling me he loves me. We've had more sex this week than we have in the last few months. Every chance we get and he's even trying different positions, and if we can't actually have sex he touches me. We're acting like a new couple again. It's amazing! But what's the catch? Did he do something wrong? I lost a couple pounds and I feel better about myself, more confident. Can he sense that? Would it really have that much of a positive effect on our relationship?

The increased sex could be for a variety of reasons including (and I do matrimonal surveillances) an affair.

You are confusing good sex and a good relationship and, yes, it could be for a variety of reasons.

Is he so shallow that a couple of pounds would change your relationship?

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Hmm - I answered this and my answer appears to have disappeared.

You are confusing good sex and a good relationship and, yes, it could be for a variety of reasons.

Is he so shallow that a couple of pounds would change your relationship?

I accidentally posted This question twice. Not the weight exactly, but the confidence that I gained from losing the weight. I used to complain about my body constantly and he'd get annoyed and then I would and then we'd fight. And I'm not confusing good sex with a good relationship, I know the difference.

So I've never been a jealous person before. I've always trusted my boyfriends, I've never had a relationship end because of trust issues or jealousy.

But my current boyfriend of a little over 2 years is driving me crazy! Okay so he's on a volunteer fire dept which I think is great I'm glad he's found something that he really enjoys, but there's a girl on the dept that just gives me an uneasy feeling. She's married but I've heard from a couple people that she's cheated on her husband a couple of times. I'm not one to believe everything I hear but I kept it in the back of my mind. And for some reason she doesn't like me, I don't like her either but when I'm with my boyfriend and she's around I try to be friendly.

Anyway a few months ago out of nowhere he decided to tell me he didn't love me anymore and yes, I questioned the randomness of it so I went all psycho girlfriend and I snooped through his phone. I discovered that he and that girl talk everyday. A majority of the messages had to do with the fire dept but there were a couple that didn't seem right. She would tell him all about her sex life with her husband, kind of like she was teasing my boyfriend. And just a few of him saying she's cute and he just seemed very interested in her life.

I let a couple days pass and he was being all sweet and telling me he loves me so I confronted him about the messages and I asked what they were all about and he just got really upset and said she is just a friend. Then he put a password on his phone.

I have male friends and when I talk them our conversation don't even come close to the ones my boyfriend has with his "friend". And I definitely don't have a password on my phone. He gets mad when I talk to other guys but if he wants to see what I talk to them about he could I try not to hide anything. And I know snooping through his phone was not cool but I had no choice he wasn't talking to me.

So is he up to no good or am I paranoid?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amyyforthestars

So I've never been a jealous person before. I've always trusted my boyfriends, I've never had a relationship end because of trust issues or jealousy.

But my current boyfriend of a little over 2 years is driving me crazy! Okay so he's on a volunteer fire dept which I think is great I'm glad he's found something that he really enjoys, but there's a girl on the dept that just gives me an uneasy feeling. She's married but I've heard from a couple people that she's cheated on her husband a couple of times. I'm not one to believe everything I hear but I kept it in the back of my mind. And for some reason she doesn't like me, I don't like her either but when I'm with my boyfriend and shes around I try to be friendly.

Anyway a few months ago out of nowhere he decided to tell me he didn't love me anymore and yes, I questioned the randomness of it so I went all psycho girlfriend and I snooped through his phone. I discovered that he and that girl talk everyday. A majority of the messages had to do with the fire dept but there were a couple that didn't seem right. She would tell him all about her sex life with her husband, kinda like she was teasing my boyfriend. And just a few of him saying shes cute and he just seemed very interested in her life.

I let a couple days pass and he was being all sweet and telling me he loves me so I confronted him about the messages and I asked what they were all about and he just got really upset and said she is just a friend. Then he put a password on his phone.

I have male friends and when I talk them our conversation don't even come close to the ones my boyfriend has with his "friend". And I definitely don't have a password on my phone. He gets mad when I talk to other guys but if he wants to see what I talk to them about he could I try not to hide anything. And I know snooping through his phone was not cool but I had no choice he wasn't talking to me.

So is he up to no good or am I paranoid?

You aren't paranoid that something isn't right. Unfortunately this is what happens when you snoop. All you've accomplished is to drive him (and her, if that's a relationship) underground and, personally, I'd never trust you around my snail mail, email, phone, computer ever again. And I actually am an investigator!

Not cool doesn't begin to sum it up. You don't own him. If he chooses to have contact with someone else and you don't like it, you get to move on.

As far as what other people say about her? I can only imagine what other people are telling her about you, particularly if he's spread the word that you snooped.

My other caution is - and I work with this all the time - please don't even consider calling her husband if/when your boyfriend breaks up with you.

Quite honestly I don't know what your issues are but you think your guinea pig hates you! Now, yes, that's paranoid.

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