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-   -   What should I do (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=688913)

  • Jul 31, 2012, 07:24 AM
    lonly_gurl
    What should I do
    My boyfriend was suppose to pick me up and help me look for a car when I called and texted him he didn't answer or reply so I told him he was selfish so he called me back 5 min later and said he was on his way when he came he just gave me my money back that I let him borrow and left out the door... I texted himothat it was really f up that your not going to help me and I'm always there for you no matter what he replyed I have some heavy on my plate right now so I felt like he was saying f me and what was important to me so I said f u and some other hurtful things... but come to find out his friend was dying from cancer that day and the doctors said he was suppose to die the night before I had no clue that this was going on cause to my understanding he was getting better... The next night his friend dies... but he won't answer none of my calls none of my text I apologized to him I asked was he OK I get nothing what should I do I feel like crap
  • Jul 31, 2012, 07:27 AM
    tickle
    How long have you been seeing this chap?

    You couldn't 'read' and know something was up

    Just leave him alone for a bit until he works this out.
  • Jul 31, 2012, 07:32 AM
    lonly_gurl
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by tickle View Post
    How long have you been seeing this chap?

    You couldn't 'read' and know something was up

    Just leave him alone for a bit until he works this out.
    Something was up



    I been knowing him most of my life we been together off and on 4years he is also the father of my child
  • Jul 31, 2012, 07:41 AM
    C0bra_M3nace
    This whole situation just seems weird. Are the both of you in a serious relationship? Why would he not just tell you that his friend had cancer and might die very soon, instead of saying "i have some heavy on my plate right now". That sounds like something a semi-distant friend would say to you.

    You both screwed up because of your lack of civil communication, him by not giving you any closure to the reason he was acting that way, and you for snapping at him in a rough time.

    If the both of you stay together after this I would strongly consider working on your communication with one another or it's going to lead to many fights and even the end of your relationship.
  • Jul 31, 2012, 07:49 AM
    lonly_gurl
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace View Post
    This whole situation just seems weird. Are the both of you in a serious relationship? Why would he not just tell you that his friend had cancer and might die very soon, instead of saying "i have some heavy on my plate right now". That sounds like something a semi-distant friend would say to you.

    You both screwed up because of your lack of civil communication, him by not giving you any closure to the reason he was acting that way, and you for snapping at him in a rough time.

    If the both of you stay together after this I would strongly consider working on your communication with one another or it's going to lead to many fights and even the end of your relationship.
    I knew his friend had cancer... we been together on and off for 4 years but what I didn't know is that he was layingin his death bed because when my boyfriend and I went to see him in the hospital he was doing good
  • Jul 31, 2012, 07:53 AM
    C0bra_M3nace
    He still should have told you that instead of leaving you without good reason to be upset. Like I said, you both need to work on your communication unless you want to get into situations like this your whole life.
  • Jul 31, 2012, 07:57 AM
    lonly_gurl
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace View Post
    He still should have told you that instead of leaving you without good reason to be upset. Like I said, you both need to work on your communication unless you want to get into situations like this your whole life.

    You are right thank you so do you think I should keep calling you or should I just leave it alone
  • Jul 31, 2012, 08:08 AM
    C0bra_M3nace
    Everyone deals with situations differently, the fact that he lost a friend and you did kind of get a little nasty with him, which is not entirely your fault, I would probably leave him be for a few days, let him come to you.

    Make sure you let him know that the only reason you were upset, was because he wasn't clear with his explanation. Be very careful how you put it thought, being accusational and slightly rude about it can drastically change a civil informative conversation into another argument. This does again, fall under communication, the both of you as a couple should be able to express ones feelings and concerns without confrontation.
  • Jul 31, 2012, 09:25 AM
    tickle
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lonly_gurl View Post
    something was up



    I been knowing him most of my life we been together off and on 4years he is also the father of my child
    Yes from your post I knew that something had been up, I meant from his demeanor, if you had known him a long time! Why didn't you notice?

    I can read!
  • Jul 31, 2012, 09:27 AM
    tickle
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lonly_gurl View Post
    You are right thank u so do you think i should keep calling you or should i just leave it alone
    No, leave him alone until he deals with this upsetting time.
  • Jul 31, 2012, 09:31 AM
    Homegirl 50
    Give him time to work through this.
    Don't bug him with text.
  • Jul 31, 2012, 11:04 AM
    lonly_gurl
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by tickle View Post
    No, leave him alone until he deals with this upsetting time.
    He also was a friend of mine as well and I will be attending the funeral and I know he will be there should I say anything to him should I give him a hug or just act like I don't see him
  • Jul 31, 2012, 11:09 AM
    vecham
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lonly_gurl View Post
    You are right thank u so do you think i should keep calling you or should i just leave it alone
    I would leave it alone for a bit. It seems strange that he wouldn't have told you what was up at the time but now that you know give him some space and call in a few days and ask if he wants to talk. I would just be supportive of his loss... if he needs.
  • Jul 31, 2012, 11:13 AM
    lily26
    Give him space and tell him you apologize and that you're there for him for support
  • Jul 31, 2012, 12:05 PM
    C0bra_M3nace
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lonly_gurl View Post
    He also was a friend of mine as well and i will be attending the funeral and i know he will be there should i say anything to him should i give him a hug or just act like i don't see him
    If you see him at the funeral, I think it's a good idea to let him know you still care, but try and keep distance if he says he needs time. I don't think ignoring him could be the best decision at the funeral, but like I said, don't drown him in your attention, just let him know you still care. Nothing more, nothing less.
  • Jul 31, 2012, 12:34 PM
    lonly_gurl
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace View Post
    If you see him at the funeral, I think it's a good idea to let him know you still care, but try and keep distance if he says he needs time. I don't think ignoring him could be the best decision at the funeral, but like I said, don't drown him in your attention, just let him know you still care. Nothing more, nothing less.
    Ok thank you so much
  • Jul 31, 2012, 12:51 PM
    tickle
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lonly_gurl View Post
    He also was a friend of mine as well and i will be attending the funeral and i know he will be there should i say anything to him should i give him a hug or just act like i don't see him
    Of course, don't ignore him. Give him a hug but don't talk about the two of you and your confrontation. Keep it light, and keeping with a funeral.
  • Jul 31, 2012, 01:17 PM
    smuppetman
    Leave him be. The same thing happened to me. I got the sudden call my grandpa was dying within the hour. So I left the school, left my phone and thoughts in the car as I rushed in to see him his last few hours to live. I sat there beside his bed knowing I was waiting on his death.. praying for him, yet he died within the next few hours. Heart broken I get back to my car only to read ugly texts from my girlfriend at the time. I didn't text her or call her for a few days. In my mind I was so heart broken that I lost my grandpa and going back to those texts made me furious.. just give him his space to grieve. That's what I needed. Then I went to her house a few days later. I also am the type of guy to not express my personal feelings.
    All will be well. Just apologize and wait on him.
  • Jul 31, 2012, 04:30 PM
    tickle
    Lonely, after four pages of advice here, you are still asking. I don't think you need anymore feedback, it is all here.

    Whatmore do you want us to say?
  • Jul 31, 2012, 05:01 PM
    lonly_gurl
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by tickle View Post
    lonly, after four pages of advice here, you are still asking. I dont think you need anymore feedback, it is all here.

    Whatmore do you want us to say?
    Thanks for the advise it was very helpful

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