How do I deal with my boyfriends 23 yr old sons rude, disrespectful and lazy behavior
My boyfriend has a 23 yr old son who still lives with him. He does have a job that his father got him where he works, previously he had nothing. His son is rude, disrespectful and lazy, to the point that he will not even do his own laundry anymore. He wears his dads clothes. I do not live there but I stay over 3-4 nights a month to help BF with laundry and cleaning house. His son does nothing. I have threatened to stop helping with laundry and did so for almost a full month but felt guilty like I was punishing the father for the sons sins. I quit cleaning the house but that didn't last either, my clean freak streak kicks in and I have to clean to feel somewhat comfortable there.
We have put locks on the bedroom door to keep his son out of his bedroom and from getting into his clothes, however I don't think the BF sticks with it when I'm not there; seems to be a lot of his clothes dirty in one week, suggesting his son is still wearing his dads clothes, actually I know he is. He calls his father names (and me) says he is an adult and can do and say as he pleases. He uses his fathers car to go to work and his paycheck goes towards CD's drugs, booze, and video games; by Tuesday he is asking his dad for gas and food money. He has stolen his dads credit card, checkbook and money out of his wallet. The BF will argue with his son, his son will promise to do better and a week later its back to the same thing.
My BF says that I don't understand parenting because I have no children of my own (my choice). The BF feels guilty because after the divorce (16 yrs ago) the mom didn't want the 2 boys, she took the girl. The other son is married and on his own with 2 children, the daughter is divorced with 2 children living on assistance. I have had numerous arguments with the son to grow up, respect his father, and take responsibility for himself, all that achieves is more tension, hurt feelings and more loathing on my part. I am at my wits end with what to do.