Ask Me Help Desk - Why does it always hurt to have sex?

Why does it always hurt to have sex?

I have had sex many times with my boyfriend. In the beginning of our sexual relationship it would hurt a lot to have sex, just the feeling of him going in hurt so much, to the point where I want to cry. Now we've been having sex but the pain has decreased. It hardly hurts anymore but I don't feel any pleasure at all. We've tried different condoms & positions. Some positions actually hurt more than others, I love him so much & I feel bad & he does too Because he wants to please me.I get wet & we've done oral & that feels amazing but when we have intercourse I have no sensation. I haven't gone to the Gyno I'm afraid Because my mom has endometriosis & I have many symptoms that she had, I just need some advice & answers please.

It sounds to me like you are expecting it to hurt because it has in the past, and the stress of the thought of pain is making you tense up. Sadly, for woman, 90% of our sexual everything comes from inside our minds. If I'm thinking about bills that are due, I can't orgasm.
Try taking some time by yourself when he's not home, play with a vibrator about
Half the size of his penis and don't stress about it. Work yourself up to actually putting
Inside, play with yourself first, light some scented candles, and just RELAX.
Once you get to used to doing it yourself, have him go about it VERY SLOWLY
And start with his fingers, first one, then two at a time. If he can finger you with
Two fingers at a time and you're still okay, then sex might go a lot easier after that.
Just take your time, make sure he's going slowly too, and try to de-stress your mind.
Good luck to you.

If you DO have endometriosis, that could be a cause of the pain.

Go to the doctor!

If you have endometriosis, the doctor can talk to you about your options for treating it. If you do NOT, then the doctor can help you figure out what is REALLY wrong.

I'm laying odds on endometriosis. Not going to the doctor isn't going to make it go away.

Or perhaps no foreplay and no lube ?

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethVader

It sounds to me like you are expecting it to hurt because it has in the past, and the stress of the thought of pain is making you tense up. Sadly, for woman, 90% of our sexual everything comes from inside our minds. If I'm thinking about bills that are due, I can't orgasm.
Try taking some time by yourself when he's not home, play with a vibrator about
half the size of his penis and don't stress about it. Work yourself up to actually putting
inside, play with yourself first, light some scented candles, and just RELAX.
Once you get to used to doing it yourself, have him go about it VERY SLOWLY
and start with his fingers, first one, then two at a time. If he can finger you with
two fingers at a time and you're still okay, then sex might go a lot easier after that.
Just take your time, make sure he's going slowly too, and try to de-stress your mind.
Good luck to you.

I've thought about this before, maybe its just me, I think its going to hurt or my body is used to it. I am trying really hard to concentrate & its worked for some part. Sadly, when I was younger I was molested and I think that has a part in it too, even though I am not conscious about it my body is & I tense up down there. I am so afraid to get pregnant, I am very conscious about that, well I was more before in the beginning but my partner and I are always careful and using protection.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synnen

If you DO have endometriosis, that could be a cause of the pain.

Go to the doctor!!

If you have endometriosis, the doctor can talk to you about your options for treating it. If you do NOT, then the doctor can help you figure out what is REALLY wrong.

I'm laying odds on endometriosis. Not going to the doctor isn't going to make it go away.

or

I am planning to go to the GYNO for this, to be honest I am not comfortable with my primary doctor because I've been going to him since I was a young girl, I'm 18 & I don't want my parents knowing about my sexual relationships. My mom recently had surgery to remove her ovaries and uterus but her uterus wasn't able to be removed because it is connected to her intestines. Which would cause her to have a bag connected to her side for her entire life if she did have the uterus removed. The reason why I think I have endo. Is because 1) painful sex 2) heavy periods 3) my lower back is always hurting during my period 4) painful painful cramps 5) its hereditary or I could have cysts.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Or perhaps no foreplay and no lube ?

We do have foreplay but I've never tried lube...

I have endometriosis.

It IS treatable--usually by different forms of birth control. Especially if you catch it early. While it is not recommended for you because you haven't had at least one child yet (or at least, I assume you haven't), I have an IUD and it has worked WONDERS with my endometriosis. I also had laproscopic surgery 2 years ago to have some of the endometriosis removed---I still have both ovaries and my uterus because of it.

I think you should stop having sex, personally. You are tense about getting pregnant, you've got unresolved issues regarding molestation---you have a deck stacked against you.

I suggest dialing back your relationship and seeing a counselor along with your gynecologist.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synnen

I have endometriosis.

It IS treatable--usually by different forms of birth control. Especially if you catch it early. While it is not recommended for you because you haven't had at least one child yet (or at least, I assume you haven't), I have an IUD and it has worked WONDERS with my endometriosis. I also had laproscopic surgery 2 years ago to have some of the endometriosis removed---I still have both ovaries and my uterus because of it.

I think you should stop having sex, personally. You are tense about getting pregnant, you've got unresolved issues regarding molestation---you have a deck stacked against you.

I suggest dialing back your relationship and seeing a counselor along with your gynecologist.

Thank you, you're very helpful & I will look into your advice