I left my physically and mentally abusive ex seven months ago. I have two children to him aged 3 and 5 and an older son from a previous relationship aged 8. My ex is on his two children's birth certificates. I had the children living with me for the first four months and he did not try to have contact with them . Then he just took them out of school and I haven't seen them since. I had the police go to his house on three separate occasions to remove the children and they said they were "settled" and would not remove them from his care. I have been to court and the jugs has asked for assessments to be made but made no contact arrangements. My ex does not have any residence or court orders in relation to the kids. I have received information that my children are now calling his new girlfriend mummy and my three year old sleeps in their bed. Every time I ring to speak to them or send cards to them he does not let them know. PLEASE HELP me to understand how he is able to get away with this. Every relationship he has had it has ended in assault charges against him. Social services know this. What do I do now as the next court date is another six weeks away. My mother saw them for an hour last week and the first thing my five year old said was "thanks for saving us nana" and screamed and cried when he had to leave. This is the only time she saw them in the past three months and my older son has not seen his brothers since my ex took them neither. Please advise me what to do. Many thanks. DT

He got away with it because YOU did not file for custody when you left. Did you tell the school he was not allowed to pick them up without your permission?

You say "My ex does not have any residence or court orders in relation to the kids. ". But you don't say whether you have or not. Unless one of you has primary custody, you have equal rights and possession becomes 9/10ths the law.

So you need to push the court. You need to have the court set a time frame for the assessment. You need to push the court to set up a temporary visitation until the assessment can be completed. I'm guessing you haven't consulted an attorney who would have prepared you properly for court.

This is parental alienation. Emotional abuse in itself. Parents should be made accountable but sadly are not. I personally think this form of abuse is par to starvation.

I do have an attorney. Obviously not a very good one! I did attend court after I left and only obtained a restraining order preventing him from coming near me. I did not tell the school not to allow their father to take them because two months previous he attacked me at the school and verbally abused teachers and parents. He was charged and prosecuted in court for this so I wrongly assumed the teachers would have a bit common sense. I thin everyone in my country should have a career change because no one can do their job properly. Am I really expected to wait patiently for the next six weeks? Is this not parent alienation, a form of emotional abuse? Along with mental abuse as he is confusing the children. If this is the case can social services not remove the children from his care? I have already contacted them and waiting a response.

Scottgem, please forgive me but please could you expand on "possession is 9/10ths of the law". This is not an object but human beings. If you possess someone, is this not controlling, entrancing, dominating, POSSESSING one? If this is the case, is one not abusing their responsibilities as a parent.

First ANY question on law needs to include your general locale as laws vary by area.

I know I don't like using the 9/10ths of the law phrase either, but it is what applies. Absent a court order favoring one parent over another custody is equal. So whatever parent has the children with them is the parent with custody. And that's why the police could not remove them. Had you gotten an order of custody, then the police would have had to enforce that order.

But to act on them you have to prove to a court what is happening. That's what the assessment is for. You might want to get a different lawyer if they are not telling you these things. If you attorney did not tell you to file for divorce and/or custody and did not advise you leave instructions with the school I don't think they were doing their job. It is their job to think of all these things and develop a plan of action for you. I would at least question why they didn't advise you of these things. And if you don't get a satisfactory answer, then replace them.

At this point a court has ruled. I don't know if you can go back before the next hearing time (in 6 weeks?) to get the court to make additional rulings.

Scottgem many thanks for your comments which are surly noted. Any advice is advice and at this time I appreciate an outsiders take on things. I am from England. You don't happen to know if I have any grounds for children's welfare to remove them from his care due to my aforesaid concerns. Thanks again.

Unless you have specific evidence on abuse, especially physical abuse, I doubt if you can get them to do anything. I don't know English schools, are children as young as 5 required to attend? If they are and he hasn't gotten them registered that might be grounds for moving faster on this.

By the way I would also consider a suit against the school for letting them go to his care.

Yes they do attend, and the three year old (he pays privately for this, five days a week 8am till 6pm). He is taking them to Canada for two weeks on the 22nd of August even though I have contested to this as I do not know anything about his new girlfriend. I have had a caravan holiday booked for the past six months, I am actually here now and everyday my mother rings him to ask if they can come he just ignores her calls or hurls abuse down the phone at her. I really am at the end of my tether. The children are now on their summer holidays from school for seven weeks and I don't see the problem in letting them come to the caravan let alone have contact with their mother. He has a full time job where he needs to travel all over the country on a daily basis, I don't know what he is doing with the children at the minute with regards to childcare. I am assuming his girlfriend is looking after them as she works in a college and is also on holiday. This was all explained to the court!! I myself do not have a new partner. He has put me off for life!! ;)

Was the court aware that he plans on going to Canada? I would ask the court to try to prevent that. But if he has a good stable job, I'm assuming he isn't bolting.

Like I said, your problem here is that a court has already ruled and set a follow-up hearing date. You would need to be able to prove there is an immediate problem to go back to court before the scheduled hearing date.

Yes they do know. If you note the dates the court hearing is after the Canada trip which he is ultimately wanting to emigrate too after accepting a job there.

Thanks again scottgem

How did he get passports for the kids without your permission ?

Have you contacted the passport authorities about this, in case he falsified documents ?

But have you ever yet actually filed for custody ? For an emergancy hearing ?
Is your attorney a family law attorney ?

What is stopping you from going and taking them out of school and even moving them to another school, or perhaps home schooling for now?

He had the passports in the house safe when I fled. I do have a family attorney and I have not informed passport control because last week a judge ruled he could take them to Canada for a holiday. He did not make any rulings on contact other than " you should promote contact, children should have a healthy relationship with both parents, but I'll leave to yourselves to sort out". They are currently on their school holidays for the next five weeks. Before the holidays began the school would not me attend the school at all as they believe he has a custody order. My older son also goes to thebsame school and the school are keeping the brothers apart.

As I said, since the court has ruled, it is unlikely to entertain a motion to change the rulings until the next scheduled hearing.

Since Canada is a member of the Commonwealth, if he does not return from holiday or misses the next hearing, Canadian authorities should help return the children. Since the courts will probably then rule in your favor.

And since there is pending litigation, even though he doesn't have custody, you can't go and take the children back like he did. But once you regain custody, I would look into suing the school for giving them to him in the first place.