Hello,

My girlfriend of nearly two years just told me recently that she thinks it is best if we separate as she needs time to clear her head and make sure I am the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with. This announcement caught me 100% offguard. In fact, the week prior to this we spent almost every day together (we're both seniors in a university and live near each other) and she told me many times during this week that she loved me. In fact, she even apologized for saying it too many times but she said she had to say it because it's how she feels. This is nothing new: we have had a very successful relationship, many people who see us say we make a great couple, and we love each other very dearly. Also, we both agree that we are not currently ready to marry each other... but throughout our nearly 2 years together she often talked about life as a married couple (i.e. she'd say, when we're married can we make sure we have a date night).

Her reasoning for breaking up is that she knows I am someone she can marry, but she feels like she should date other people so she can make sure I am the one. When she came over to my apartment to announce her decision for separation, she told me that she wanted space and she also apologized to me (through tears) saying that she doesn't know any better. I have done my best with her request for space... it has been nearly 1 month since we separated and the only time I called her was one week after this happened to tell her that I respect her decision and that I do want her to figure things out.

Since then, whenever we see each other on campus both of us can't help but smile at one another and she has given me hugs on various occasions. Also, she called me last week because she said she was thinking about me and we talked and caught each other up with what was going on in our lives. I can tell she still cares about me... she even said that she's doing whatever she can to keep her mind busy so as to not think about me.

My question is this: is a mistake being made here? I mean, I believe it's important for her to know what she wants and I wouldn't want her to break up with me in the future when we're even more serious. But at the same time, she's forcing this agony and pain onto herself. She still has feelings for me and she knows I still have feelings for her. I think the best course of action is to continue giving her space in hopes that she'll soon realize that we should be together... but I can't help but think there is something else I can do.

Thanks

Wow. Ghostrider, most posts here are kind of open and shut as to what to do and I have to say yours doesn't appear to be that way.

I’m going to offer you my advice and opinion and sort of give you a good news/bad news warning. The good news is I’m usually pretty sure of what I’m saying in the advice I give someone and I have a gut feeling about your ex but to be fair to her I’m not positive about it. The bad news is I think she was cheating on you. Let me give you my impressions of why I came to this conclusion.

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Originally Posted by Ghostrider

My girlfriend of nearly two years just told me recently that she thinks it is best if we separate as she needs time to clear her head and make sure I am the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with. This announcement caught me 100% offguard. In fact, the week prior to this we spent almost every day together (we're both seniors in a university and live near each other) and she told me many times during this week that she loved me. In fact, she even apologized for saying it too many times but she said she had to say it because it's how she feels.

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This struck me that not only did this happen but the fact that you included to me suggests that it was kind of out of the ordinary and significant. That kind of behavior makes me wonder if she had just began dating or had been dating for a couple weeks to a month or even just slept with someone else and was questioning herself. By constantly telling you that she loved you, she almost comes off like she’s trying to prove it to herself more then just saying it out loud to you. Then to apologize for it leads me to wonder if she was apologizing for something else, like cheating on the one she loved. I know I sound like Dr. Phil there but to apologize for saying “I love you” after repeating it so much to me suggests something else was going on.

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Originally Posted by Ghostrider

This is nothing new: we have had a very successful relationship, many people who see us say we make a great couple, and we love each other very dearly. Also, we both agree that we are not currently ready to marry each other...but throughout our nearly 2 years together she often talked about life as a married couple (i.e. she'd say, when we're married can we make sure we have a date night).

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That’s all nice but that doesn’t really mean anything. What I mean by that is friends can say anything, and you can talk marriage but it’s more of a emotional dream that confirms a current reality. It doesn’t mean that everything was going to last. I think was men we latch onto those kinds of things and give it some kind of deeper meaning then it really has to women.

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Originally Posted by Ghostrider

Her reasoning for breaking up is that she knows I am someone she can marry, but she feels like she should date other people so she can make sure I am the one.

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This was the second reason that struck me there was someone else. After 2 years of a relationship that she says is solid and possibly with a man she wants to marry, she says that’s not good enough for her, she’s going to date other people. Women don’t just dump guys they have emotional feelings for unless they can transfer them to someone else. They hate to take the emotional fall and usually put up safety nets for themselves in order to avoid that fall. That’s evidence to me that somebody else was in the picture.

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Originally Posted by Ghostrider

When she came over to my apartment to announce her decision for separation, she told me that she wanted space and she also apologized to me (through tears) saying that she doesn't know any better. I have done my best with her request for space...it has been nearly 1 month since we separated and the only time I called her was one week after this happened to tell her that I respect her decision and that I do want her to figure things out.

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Since then, whenever we see each other on campus both of us can't help but smile at one another and she has given me hugs on various occasions. Also, she called me last week because she said she was thinking about me and we talked and caught each other up with what was going on in our lives. I can tell she still cares about me... she even said that she's doing whatever she can to keep her mind busy so as to not think about me.

She still keeps you emotionally attached but not too close. To me another example of a woman who is seeing someone else but needs you to be there if is doesn’t work out. She keeps you at a distance but not out of sight.

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Originally Posted by Ghostrider

My question is this: is a mistake being made here? I mean, I believe it's important for her to know what she wants and I wouldn't want her to break up with me in the future when we're even more serious. But at the same time, she's forcing this agony and pain onto herself.

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I’m not so sure she is. I think if there is any agony and pain it’s being transferred to someone else. But I don’t even think there is any pain on her part. In my opinion she hasn’t fallen emotionally because she was seeing someone else.

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Originally Posted by Ghostrider

She still has feelings for me and she knows I still have feelings for her. I think the best course of action is to continue giving her space in hopes that she'll soon realize that we should be together....but I can't help but think there is something else I can do.

Thanks

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Okay I’ve read that twice now. Once and then again when I was going through splitting it up and I’m even more certain in my second read through that she was cheating. Women, who are much better at understanding and using emotions then men, do not just drop a relationship to date other people if they don’t have a backup plan. She worded it perfectly too. She thinks you’re the one for the rest of her life but she’s going to date others just to be sure. To me that’s girl talk for “I’ve already got somebody and that is a warning I’m putting out ahead of time in case you see us together so soon after the break up.” It sort of gives her permission to date somebody else but come back to you if it doesn’t work out. You’re a guarantee but who ever is in her life is not. She needs you to be that back up plan in case the person she is currently with doesn’t work out.

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Originally Posted by chuff

Wow. Ghostrider, most posts here are kind of open and shut as to what to do and I have to say yours doesn't appear to be that way.

I’m going to offer you my advice and opinion and sort of give you a good news/bad news warning. The good news is I’m usually pretty sure of what I’m saying in the advice I give someone and I have a gut feeling about your ex but to be fair to her I’m not positive about it. The bad news is I think she was cheating on you. Let me give you my impressions of why I came to this conclusion.



This struck me that not only did this happen but the fact that you included to me suggests that it was kind of out of the ordinary and significant. That kind of behavior makes me wonder if she had just began dating or had been dating for a couple weeks to a month or even just slept with someone else and was questioning herself. By constantly telling you that she loved you, she almost comes off like she’s trying to prove it to herself more then just saying it out loud to you. Then to apologize for it leads me to wonder if she was apologizing for something else, like cheating on the one she loved. I know I sound like Dr. Phil there but to apologize for saying “I love you” after repeating it so much to me suggests something else was going on.



That’s all nice but that doesn’t really mean anything. What I mean by that is friends can say anything, and you can talk marriage but it’s more of a emotional dream that confirms a current reality. It doesn’t mean that everything was going to last. I think was men we latch onto those kinds of things and give it some kind of deeper meaning then it really has to women.



This was the second reason that struck me there was someone else. After 2 years of a relationship that she says is solid and possibly with a man she wants to marry, she says that’s not good enough for her, she’s going to date other people. Women don’t just dump guys they have emotional feelings for unless they can transfer them to someone else. They hate to take the emotional fall and usually put up safety nets for themselves in order to avoid that fall. That’s evidence to me that somebody else was in the picture.



Since then, whenever we see each other on campus both of us can't help but smile at one another and she has given me hugs on various occasions. Also, she called me last week because she said she was thinking about me and we talked and caught each other up with what was going on in our lives. I can tell she still cares about me... she even said that she's doing whatever she can to keep her mind busy so as to not think about me.

She still keeps you emotionally attached but not too close. To me another example of a woman who is seeing someone else but needs you to be there if is doesn’t work out. She keeps you at a distance but not out of sight.



I’m not so sure she is. I think if there is any agony and pain it’s being transferred to someone else. But I don’t even think there is any pain on her part. In my opinion she hasn’t fallen emotionally because she was seeing someone else.



Okay I’ve read that twice now. Once and then again when I was going through splitting it up and I’m even more certain in my second read through that she was cheating. Women, who are much better at understanding and using emotions then men, do not just drop a relationship to date other people if they don’t have a backup plan. She worded it perfectly too. She thinks you’re the one for the rest of her life but she’s going to date others just to be sure. To me that’s girl talk for “I’ve already got somebody and that is a warning I’m putting out ahead of time in case you see us together so soon after the break up.” It sort of gives her permission to date somebody else but come back to you if it doesn’t work out. You’re a guarantee but who ever is in her life is not. She needs you to be that back up plan in case the person she is currently with doesn’t work out.

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Thank you for your analysis, but to be honest I don't think she was cheating and there probably isn't another guy right now. First, I know her very well and she isn't the type of person to cheat on me. I know this sounds naïve, but there also was not a whole lot of opportunity for her to do so leading up to her announcement. The week before she decided to split up, she practically lived in my apartment. That weekend, she went to her dad's to hang out with him and play an online computer game that they both enjoy (I play it too and she was on pretty much the whole time).

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This struck me that not only did this happen but the fact that you included to me suggests that it was kind of out of the ordinary and significant. That kind of behavior makes me wonder if she had just began dating or had been dating for a couple weeks to a month or even just slept with someone else and was questioning herself. By constantly telling you that she loved you, she almost comes off like she’s trying to prove it to herself more then just saying it out loud to you. Then to apologize for it leads me to wonder if she was apologizing for something else, like cheating on the one she loved. I know I sound like Dr. Phil there but to apologize for saying “I love you” after repeating it so much to me suggests something else was going on.

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Her telling me she loves me is not out of the ordinary... I only included it because its evidence that she still had very strong feelings for me and further illustrates how caught off guard I was. Also, she apologized because she knows I take that word very seriously.. and to paraphrase her apology, "she said something like I know you don't like it when that word is said too many times but it's how I feel." As for something else going on, she's a very emotional person and she was staying over at my apartment for about a week straight. She even admitted when she came over to announce the separation that she thinks recently we have plateued... meaning better than we normally are... which is saying a lot since we really were great together.

Something I should have mentioned earlier, after graduation I plan on attending law school which would make our relationship long distance. We had agreed two weeks ago that we would maintain our relationship.. but I know from past discussions that she was worried about what would happen to us when I went to law school. Also, she mentioned in the past (about 5 months ago) similar concerns about making sure that I was the one... but this is the first time we actually separated.

While there may be someone else right now that she's interested in, I am very sure that she did not cheat on me when we were together.

Thanks

I think she's been truthful... telling you she loves you but she's feeling like she should explore other relationships IS a completely reasonable answer. Yes, it hurts both of you to some degree. The thing is, she's not ready to commit. And there should be no apologies for that.

Its normal. Its natural. She's young.

Its absolutely healthy to leave a perfectly "good" relationship at this age to look around.

It may not be the answer you want to hear. It doesn't mean your relationship with her is over or its meaning is diminished. It means she is still growing emotionally and she's strong enough to take action when a part of her says to let go a little.

Does this mean the end of the relationship? Well... I think you need to be polite and kind. I think you should not burn bridges. But her self exploration, which probably means dating other people, may take some time... and you should not sit around waiting for her to choose you.

It's a huge mistake. One that I made, myself. Dated a girl 2 years through HS and then through college... we were great for each other, for a time. Then she wanted to date others. It was time. Hurt like hell. I tried to hang on and do all the "right" things.

Well... that meant I wasted almost two years of back and forth time with her. She liked the comfort and security of the relationship. She wanted the challenge and newness of something else. By the time I realized I was trying to look out for her more than myself, well, again... almost 2 years gone. And the relationship was in shambles by the end.

I felt betrayed. She felt guilty. Didn't have to be that way.

So... I know... sunny pic I'm painting here. My best advice is to be kind to her, to not burn that bridge, but to not try to be there for her. At least not go out of your way. And to let her feel what it is like to be without you.

Cause if you are always waiting in the wings, she's really not been without you, has she?

This is a time you both need to step away. Maybe you'll come back together. Maybe not. But you CANNOT do anything to make her be with you. You can do a lot of crap to push her away.

And anyway, you goal isn't to make her happy. Its to find your own happiness. You can't be with her right now. So time to begin to move on.

Look, If She's Cheating On You You'll Always Find Out. Trust Me. Things Always Come Back To The Good Person In The Relationship.

My Girl Of Four Years Continues To Lie To Me, She Always Thought That I Would Never Find Out, But Guess What? How Would I Know She's Been Liying To Me For Years? Trust Me You'll Know.

Just Be The Good Man Like We Always Do And You'll Know If She's The Right One, Trust Me It'll Come Back To You.

And No, You Aren't Making A Mistake. If Its Time She Wants, Then Its Time She's Going to Get. Just Don't Hurt Yourself If U Find Out The Unexpected. Always Expect The Unexpected, That Way You Don't Get Hurt As Much.

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Originally Posted by kp2171

i think shes been truthful... telling you she loves you but shes feeling like she should explore other relationships IS a completely reasonable answer. yes, it hurts both of you to some degree. the thing is, shes not ready to commit. and there should be no apologies for that.

its normal. its natural. shes young.

its absolutely healthy to leave a perfectly "good" relationship at this age to look around.

it may not be the answer you want to hear. it doesnt mean your relationship with her is over or its meaning is diminished. it means she is still growing emotionally and shes strong enough to take action when a part of her says to let go a little.

does this mean the end of the relationship? well... i think you need to be polite and kind. i think you should not burn bridges. but her self exploration, which probably means dating other people, may take some time... and you should not sit around waiting for her to choose you.

its a huge mistake. one that i made, myself. dated a girl 2 years through HS and then through college... we were great for each other, for a time. then she wanted to date others. it was time. hurt like hell. i tried to hang on and do all the "right" things.

well... that meant i wasted almost two years of back and forth time with her. she liked the comfort and security of the relationship. she wanted the challenge and newness of something else. by the time i realized i was trying to look out for her more than myself, well, again.... almost 2 years gone. and the relationship was in shambles by the end.

i felt betrayed. she felt guilty. didnt have to be that way.

soo..... i know.... sunny pic im painting here. my best advice is to be kind to her, to not burn that bridge, but to not try to be there for her. at least not go out of your way. and to let her feel what it is like to be without you.

cause if you are always waiting in the wings, shes really not been without you, has she?

this is a time you both need to step away. maybe youll come back together. maybe not. but you CANNOT do anything to make her be with you. you can do a lot of crap to push her away.

and anyway, you goal isnt to make her happy. its to find your own happiness. you can't be with her right now. so time to begin to move on.

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Wait, so your advice to this guy is to let her go and date other people! And maybe someday she will come back! How the hell does that work! I thought this was a relationship matter?

If she feels she needs to date other people to find out she's really in love with him, then she isn't ready for a real relationship yet. The fact that she has to "TAKE A BREAK" from the relationship just proves she isint strong enough for him. So fine let her take her break. But if she dates other guys,sorry to sound shallow, but that sounds like a hoe to me,nothing else to do but let her go.

This sounds a lot like my girl, except he didn't make the same mistakes i did and actually has a 10 times better chance with her than i do with mine.

My advice to you, don't give up on her. Just keep a close eye on what she does on her break.(not stalking) remember if she's doing something wrong, it'll always come back to you. Just wait it out a lil. A chance you going to have to take.

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Originally Posted by Ghostrider

She even admitted when she came over to announce the separation that she thinks recently we have plateued...meaning better than we normally are...which is saying a lot since we really were great together.

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Actually, I think it means to her that you've gone as high as you're going to and that now your relationship is flat. So, she's bored and unsure. She wants to see other people but not actually cheat. This separation is essentially a way for her to see other people, yet have you as the backup plan.

Do you want to be the backup plan? Personally, if I've been with someone for two years, and they are not sure if I'm the one for them, then its time to move on.

But, if you really want to be with her, its going to be up to her. They say absence makes the heart grow stronger, so I say be absent. As others have said, don't be so available to her. I'm not saying to ignore her or go out of your way to avoid her--just don't be there every time. Let some calls go to voice mail instead of answering them. Don't be where she's expects you'll be. Hell, maybe even go out on a date or two. If she misses you, she'll realize what you have together is what she wants and she'll come back. And if she doesn't come back, perhaps you'll meet some new people along the way.

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Originally Posted by Northwind_Dagas

Actually, I think it means to her that you've gone as high as you're going to and that now your relationship is flat. So, she's bored and unsure. She wants to see other people but not actually cheat. This separation is essentially a way for her to see other people, yet have you as the backup plan.

Do you want to be the backup plan? Personally, if I've been with someone for two years, and they are not sure if I'm the one for them, then its time to move on.

But, if you really want to be with her, its going to be up to her. They say absence makes the heart grow stronger, so I say be absent. As others have said, don't be so available to her. I'm not saying to ignore her or go out of your way to avoid her--just don't be there every time. Let some calls go to voice mail instead of answering them. Don't be where she's expects you'll be. Hell, maybe even go out on a date or two. If she misses you, she'll realize what you have together is what she wants and she'll come back. And if she doesn't come back, perhaps you'll meet some new people along the way.

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I agree 100% with this guy. She's bored man. Now its your move. If she's bored and she chose to take a break from YOU then maybe she's not the one for you. But if you truly love her, I mean if you REALLY love her then wait it out. Just let her take her break. But don't come back to her like a lost little puppy. Be a man and stand your ground. Don't let her think that you are always going to be there. Shake her up a bit. Don't answer her calls, don't go see her, nothing! No contact! She wants a break, and that's exactly what you're going to give her! Let her know that she's making the biggest mistake of her life.

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

WAIT, SO YOUR ADVICE TO THIS GUY IS TO LET HER GO AND DATE OTHER PEOPLE!? AND MAYBE SOMEDAY SHE WILL COME BACK!? HOW THE HELL DOES THAT WORK!? I THOUGHT THIS WAS A RELATIONSHIP MATTER?.

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Spoken like someone who thinks you can MAKE someone want to be with you.

My advice is that she HAS decided to date other people, and that he CANNOT make her anything. And the most healthy thing for him to do is NOT hang around for a girl who is forcing distance into their relationship.

You might be content with a girl who lies and doesn't have your best interests in mind. Most people should not settle when a person you love steps back. I didn't say run away. I said it's a healthy part of living and loving. If you don't understand that, well... your perception.

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

IF SHE FEELS SHE NEEDS TO DATE OTHER PEOPLE TO FIND OUT SHES REALLY IN LOVE WITH HIM, THEN SHE AINT READY FOR A REAL RELATIONSHIP YET.

THE FACT THAT SHE HAS TO "TAKE A BREAK" FROM THE RELATIONSHIP JUST PROVES SHE ISINT STRONG ENOUGH FOR HIM. SO FINE LET HER TAKE HER BREAK. BUT IF SHE DATES OTHER GUYS,SORRY TO SOUND SHALLOW, BUT THAT SOUNDS LIKE A HOE TO ME,NOTHIN ELSE TO DO BUT LET HER GO.

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Yes. All girls who date someone else are hoes. Clueless.

And now its OK to let her go... after your ranting and raving in other posts about how what is wrong with the world is people give up??

Yes... I ACTUALLY told him to step back. She's probably going to date other people. How is it so hard to understand when I say it, but its fine when you post it? Just curious.

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

DONT GIVE UP ON HER. JUST KEEP A CLOSE EYE ON WHAT SHE DOES ON HER BREAK.(NOT STALKING) REMEMBER IF SHES DOING SOMETHING WRONG, ITLL ALWAYS COME BACK TO YOU. JUST WAIT IT OUT A LIL. A CHANCE YOU GONNA HAVE TO TAKE.

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So instead of centering himself and taking a step back from the girl who needs to work through her feelings, he should obssess about her. Look for her doing bad things.

What a healthy recipe for a relationship.

Glad its working out so well for you alizeblu.

What the hell do I know. I've dated, lost a few "loves of my life", wasted time, made mistakes. Now I'm happily married with an awesome person. Its called perspective.

Wow, such long answers, I feel rather innadequate comparatively. I think she's not sure you're the one but wants it to sound like she just want to make sure. I would give her space, keep lines of communication open cause anything can happen but it does indeed sound like she is seriously considering ending the whole thing.

Sorry to be so direct, but yeah, someone had to.

Sounds only ONE person is in love

Chuff - right on - perfect!! She's with someoen else.

Hey! I Never Said Obssess! And I Never Said To Actually Go Out And Look For Her Doing Bad Things!

Ok Let me Rephrase...

Don't Give Up On Her. Keep Your Distance And Let Her Do What She Has To Do!
Give Her That Break She Wants, Don't Go Out Searching For Her Thinking She's Doing Something Wrong! Wait It Out! Why Do You Think I Said,"remember If Shes Doing Something Wrong, Itll Always Come Back To You"? Because I Don't Want Him To Go Out Searching. I Want Him To Stay As Distant As Possible, Just Don't Be Dumb Founded Thinking Everything Is Going To Be Fine And Dandy If He Lets Her Take Her Break! Because She Might Say She's Not Ready, Or She's Found Someone Else. Expect The Unexpected. You Never Know, What If She Is Cheating On Him? Then What?\

AND I ALSO AGREE WITH CHUFF! ALLS IM SAYING IS BE PREPARED. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN!

And No, All Women Who Date Someone Else Are Not Hoes.

A "hoe" Is A Woman That Goes Out With A Good Guy And Says "i Need To Take A Break", Just To Get With Someone Else! Then Get Back With Her "back Up Man"
If Something Goes Wrong With The Guy She's Spending Time With On Her So Called "break"!

That's A Hoe.

Look Kp, Obviously No one Can "make" A Relationship Work Because Alls It Does Is Causes Nonsesnse. That's Obvious.

Alls Im Saying Is That If She Feels The Need To Date Others And Not Keep The Relationship Strong Then She's Not The One For Him. Obviousness.

Why Is He Going To Sit Around And Wait For Her When She's Having The Time Of Her Life On Her So Called "break"?

And Yes You Told Him To Do What He Has To Do As Well, But What If He Doesn't Want To Date Other People? What If He Knows In His Heart That Hes In Love With Just Her!
If She Doesn't See That For Herself Why Is He Wasting His Time Giving Her A Break?

Thanks for all the feedback. I agree with much of what is being said.. I know I can't make her come back to me and the only thing I can do is to give her the space she requested. While I do hope she does return to me, I'm doing my best to prepare for the worst.

Does anyone have any success stories they wish to share of someone else in my situation where things worked out over some time?

Thanks

I think they are rare.

My daughter broke it off with a guy she dated and liked. She was going to college. They both dated other people. They are together again. (I dare anyone to call her a hoe cause she dated other people) thing is, they are still young, and I really think, even though they seem great together and he is an awesome guy... well, I think its way too early to guess. I think they both have a lot of living to do, and I suspect that will be apart again, at some time.

Most of the time, a break happens for a reason. Sometimes is just that two good people who are good for each other aren't done growing. I am happily married, but I know there's a girl in Texas who I could have married and probably been happy with. We were great together, but it was bad timing. We both had educational and professional goals that took us apart. It happens.

Clinging too much will only slow you down. I know you are more interested in hearing positive spins, but there are more cases where the people go their own ways. Its just the truth.

Same story as mine although was with my ex for 3 1/2 years. Told me exactly the sam she needs a break although the week leading up we spent most days together and were so happy. Truth is she probably just spent those days with me cause she did like me but dd not have much else to do. If your busy you make them wait. Anyway she really does need a break and is probably trying to work out what she wants but the real truth is at the moment its not you. She obviously does not feel it emotionally just like my ex if it's there then they won't be dumping you, not many emotional girls dump guys unless they find another they need the rerlationship. Anyhow your best way is to give space and see if she misses you. Three weeks off , no answering calls no text no emails. And if she bumps into you and queries this tell her your taking some time to think about the relationship and what you want out of it now that she has announced a break Tell her you new what you wanted before but since she has brought it up you need time to think about it now. Let her regret her decision of taking a break turn it on her, tell her you don't know how you feel and don't like pepople who need breaks and tell her you will contact her when you feel you are right. Ring her a few days later and say you can catch up for a chat you want to get to know her again.

I'm going through the Same situation. We stayed in touch somewhat, mostly argueing, well anyway last night after 10 days of being broken up.. I had to know.. is it over or do you want to be with me.. because if she wants time, I told her.. I'm not taking her back, I'm not playing games, I'm not waiting around, I'm through with it, ill never take her back.. we have broken up several times in the past, once for a month, always worked things out and had been fine for a year, point being.. give it a week or so.. than contact her. Make her give you an answer don't let her have the upper hand.. my ex wants to hang out in 10 days.. on a weekend.. so I'm just going to see what happens till than.. it hurts like hell yes.. but take thisd with you.. girls want what they cannot have.. my advice.. GET CRUNK!!

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Originally Posted by Ghostrider

Hello,

My girlfriend of nearly two years just told me recently that she thinks it is best if we separate as she needs time to clear her head and make sure I am the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with. This announcement caught me 100% offguard. In fact, the week prior to this we spent almost every day together (we're both seniors in a university and live near each other) and she told me many times during this week that she loved me. In fact, she even apologized for saying it too many times but she said she had to say it because it's how she feels. This is nothing new: we have had a very successful relationship, many people who see us say we make a great couple, and we love each other very dearly. Also, we both agree that we are not currently ready to marry each other...but throughout our nearly 2 years together she often talked about life as a married couple (i.e. she'd say, when we're married can we make sure we have a date night).

Her reasoning for breaking up is that she knows I am someone she can marry, but she feels like she should date other people so she can make sure I am the one. When she came over to my apartment to announce her decision for separation, she told me that she wanted space and she also apologized to me (through tears) saying that she doesn't know any better. I have done my best with her request for space...it has been nearly 1 month since we separated and the only time I called her was one week after this happened to tell her that I respect her decision and that I do want her to figure things out.

Since then, whenever we see each other on campus both of us can't help but smile at one another and she has given me hugs on various occassions. Also, she called me last week because she said she was thinking about me and we talked and caught each other up with what was going on in our lives. I can tell she still cares about me...she even said that she's doing whatever she can to keep her mind busy so as to not think about me.

My question is this: is a mistake being made here? I mean, I believe it's important for her to know what she wants and I wouldn't want her to break up with me in the future when we're even more serious. But at the same time, she's forcing this agony and pain onto herself. She still has feelings for me and she knows I still have feelings for her. I think the best course of action is to continue giving her space in hopes that she'll soon realize that we should be together....but I can't help but think there is something else I can do.

Thanks

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Would you really want to be with someone who has openly told you she basically wants to cheat on you before she settles down with you

To tell you the truth everyone needs their own space in our lives maybe she wants a break to figure things out but she loves you. Lets not say that she's cheatin on you because I don't think so a person that loves someone doesn't do that. Anyway I was in a relationship with someone that I love because I still love him he mest up big time. I don't know if he ever cheated on me but he did lie to me a couple of times I always told him that I needed a break and he never wanted 1 he said we were fine and he never gave me my space, I always gave him his space. Our relationship kept getting worst and worst until now when he told me that he wanted a break and that he wasn't ready for a relationship and we were together for a year. Now I'm mad at him because he broke my heart because when I needed my break he never gave it to me he was selfish. So my advice to you is to give her the break that she wants. When somebody wants a break its to clear off their mind and its not because we have to be cheatin... anyways your doing good she'll come back if she loves you truly so just wait... good luck