After a year of living on my own, I recently moved back home to save money. It's been really difficult living with my parents. Whenever I try to talk about the things that my parents do that upset me, my father is very rude and says impolite. During this time my mother usually walks away and she never says anything. My grandfather died recently and now my mother doesn't talk to me, or if she uses an agry tone. Since I had moved in I had been cleaning the house regurally. But since I have been blocked out I stopped doing it. Tonight my mother told me that I will have to do the dishes every other night, regardless that I work very often and I rarely eat at home. I then told them that I haven't been taking care of chores because I often feel as thought I don't have their respect. Instead of saying, I'm sorry that you feel that way, why do you feel this way, or something along those lines my father told me, "Well you're not gonna always get the respect you think you deserve." I really don't know how to deal with this anymore. Please help

If you are living under their roof, it is your responsibility to do whatever you can to make the experience for ALL of you as pleasant as possible. I'm guessing they had danced around the dining room table when you moved out, and sank into a depression when you moved back in.

Help out around the house as much as you can, keep your negative comments to yourself, or move out permanently--get an apartment with a friend or two.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

If you are living under their roof, it is your responsibility to do whatever you can to make the experience for ALL of you as pleasant as possible. I'm guessing they had danced around the dining room table when you moved out, and sank into a depression when you moved back in.

Help out around the house as much as you can, keep your negative comments to yourself, or move out permanently--get an apartment with a friend or two.

---

Danced when I moved out, sank into depression when you moved back in? I wonder why Wondergirl is such a ? Is it because that's what your parents did to you?

Yes, more advice. Your parents are under a lot of stress right now, partly because of the recent loss and partly because of the unplanned addition to the family.. You are expected to help out in any way you can now that you have become part of the family again. Your parents should not have to ask you to do the obvious or even thank you for whatever you did. And meanwhile, be as pleasant as you can be and respect their grief.

If you are unhappy there, move out.

Considering you live with them, your parents set the rules/conditions, one of them is handling the chores. Right now you aren't respecting your parents by fulfilling your obligation, what are you expecting in return?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ErikaDever

Danced when I moved out, sank into depression when you moved back in? I wonder why Wondergirl is such a ? Is it because that's what your parents did to you?

---

Well, now that we can "see" loud and clear why you have problems with your parents -

Your attitude is both juvenile and inexcusable.

Let's see, you've known your Mom for a lifetime and you don't have her respect. I've known you for 5 minutes and you don't have mine.

Respect is not something that is automatically deserved or demanded it is something that is earned.
What have you done to earn that respect? You stopped doing chores because of a few unsavory remarks, that is childish.
I expect my still at home child to wash dishes even if I messed them up, she lives here just like I do, if I provide her with a home that is the least she can do.
And from a parents perspective WG is no so far off, my oldest has moved out and moved back in twice. I am not ashamed to say I was glad to see him go even though we all cried out eyes out at the time. And I was likewise not overjoyed at his returning, but he is my son.
What has he done to earn my respect? He now maintains his own household, and a full time steady job and still manages to help me, my mother, his sister when needed. He has become a full fledged functioning member of society.
No respect was handed him he has earned by becoming an adult.
I don't pretend to know your financial situation and I am not saying that becoming completely independent is the ONLY way to earn respect, however working towards that independence would be a plus.
Try a little more understanding, follow the rules, offer to pitch in on the bills, and do extra chores.
Bite your tongue when you feel you are the dartboard for rude remarks.
And cut your mother a little slack some of that anger may stem from dealing with the death of her loved one, have you talked to her about how that has affected her?

I am 12 and I feel the same way. I haven't moved out but I'm sure my dad would love it when I did. My advice is do as they say and if they ease up... but if they don't, see if you can get a job/work experience, earn some money and move out again. Also glad to see I'm not the only one with disrespectful parents.

JoeDeTode!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JoeDeTode

i am 12 and i feel the same way. i havent moved out but im sure my dad would love it when i did. my advice is do as they say and if they ease up...but if they dont, see if you can get a job/work experience, earn some money and move out again. also glad to see im not the only one with disrespectful parents.

JoeDeTode!

---

Do your "disrespectful parents" know you are using your real name on an Internet Q&A site... and you're under age?

Joe's post is an ad that failed to link.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Joe's post is an ad that failed to link.

---

Wonder if that's Joe's real name?

I would like to shed a different light on this.
The OP states that she was cleaning the house constantly, even though she was not the one making messes (not sure if this is true, but for the sake of discussion, ill assume it is) She is the one working in the home, Is mom and dad working? Or no?

I don't want to automatically assume that OP is lying, and it is possible that she truly does, work all day, come home and clean up after everyone, and is not treated with the respect that at the very least, helping around the house deserves.

It is possible that her parents really are being hateful butts.

(though granted, my opinion of this situation is shaded by my own parents)


Also, OP, I would like to point out to you, that you say your grandfather recently passed away. That is a difficult thing to deal with. Even if they had many years to prepare.
Is it possible they are grieving and their grief is affecting their behavior? Adults/parents or not, they are still human, and capable of making a mistake. Especially in times of grief.

I wish you luck OP. If you are truly being respectful, and doing your part, continue to do so, no matter what they say or do. And work towards getting back out on your own feet.

How can you think you deserve any respect? YOU are back under THEIR roof. THEY are back to being "parents" to you. If you want respect, work for that respect! As a parent of adult children, I would LOVE to be able to have someone else cover ALL my bills, feed me, pay for my utility bills and clean my house, do my dishes... you get my point. You are now an adult, act like one and move out.
Then and only then, you will get their respect.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by gmaof04

How can you think you deserve any respect? YOU are back under THEIR roof. THEY are back to being "parents" to you. If you want respect, work for that respect! As a parent of adult children, I would LOVE to be able to have someone else cover ALL my bills, feed me, pay for my utility bills and clean my house, do my dishes... you get my point. You are now an adult, act like one and move out.
Then and only then, you will get their respect.

---

To say nothing of her own SELF respect.

If I were her parents I would remove the revolving door and replace it with a gate.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

To say nothing of her own SELF respect.

If I were her parents I would remove the revolving door and replace it with a gate.

---

EXACTLY! Since SHE is the one that failed, by moving back in, how does that garner respect? I told my kids, "don't let the door hit your butt on the way out", no revolving door here! My kids are successful, independent adults that pay their own bills and are responsible for their own lives.
He parents are not doing her any favors by letting her mooch off them. I would have told her, "deal with it" get a job, your own apartment and earn our respect.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

it is possible that her parents really are being hateful butts.

(though granted, my opinion of this situation is shaded by my own parents)

Also, OP, i would like to point out to you, that you say your grandfather recently passed away. That is a difficult thing to deal with. Even if they had many years to prepare.
Is it possible they are grieving and their grief is affecting their behavior? adults/parents or not, they are still human, and capable of making a mistake. especially in times of grief.

I wish you luck OP. If you are truly being respectful, and doing your part, continue to do so, no matter what they say or do. And work towards getting back out on your own feet.

---

Jennie, we come from different places here. I don't how hateful her parents can be. She left, she came back, they provide a roof over her head. If she's unhappy she should move out and stop making everyone else unhappy.

Here is what I find telling: "But since I have been blocked out I stopped doing it." [referring to cleaning]

"Tonight my mother told me that I will have to do the dishes every other night, regardless that I work very often ..."

Very often? What does that mean?

"... and I rarely eat at home."

Chores are chores. I don't wear my husband's clothes. I do launder them.

"I then told them that I haven't been taking care of chores because I often feel as thought I don't have their respect."

So her parents don't respect her so she's not going to pitch in around the house? The inmate is attempting to run the asylum.