I've been with my boyfriend for almost 10months now. Things were great like they usually are in the beginning. Slowly things started to go downhill, and mostly from his side. His ex girlfriend started to comment on photos of us on Facebook saying stuff like 'so this is who you're wasting your time with'. She left voice messages on his phone she still loves him and misses him. I saw calls from her even after he said he told her to leave him alone.

He's never told me he loves me, because he said he's too scared to get that close to anyone. Yet he was in love with his ex. He keeps saying he never wants to get married, yet I found out he proposed to a girl he use to work with, after denying to me they had anything between them. I'm just so lost right now. When we fight, it's the worst. Whatever he wants to say to hurt me, he will say it. I've been compared to his ex and to his friends' girlfriends. His words are the worst, because they stay in my mind. I've had to stop hanging out with my friends because they are guys. I've given up things I like because he doesn't like it. I didn't actually mind, but when everything thrown back in my face, it just makes me wonder what the point is.

He never wants to take me with him when he goes drinking or clubbing with his friends because he 'wants to enjoy with his friends' but then to find out his friends girlfriends go with them too, makes me think that he just wants to be single.
We don't have sex, and even if we do its nothing. If I try to bring the subject up his reason is he will do it when he feels like it. But he watches porn when I'm not around! So how does that justify anything? I'm there, willing to have sex but I get shot down by my own boyfriend. I feel so insecure.

He noticed I haven't been myself, told him I'm just not happy anymore, but as usual he somehow manages to turn it around and make it about him.

I keep my distance now even though it totally breaks me, but he just isn't the same.

Please help. If I've left anything out please ask.

You say he isn't the same; actually, he IS the same. He is showing you exactly who he is. As you said, it's always great at first, because. Everyone is on their best behavior. Over time, though, you see who the real person is, & in his world, it's "like it or lump it".

You will not find a person who treats you as worthy of love until you treat yourself that way. You may want to examine why you are allowing this kind of emotional abuse. If you don't think you deserve joy and happiness, then THAT'S your problem, not this guy.

Have some self-respect & walk away from this loser. Don't let any of his words affect you; just let 'em roll off you. Take some time & imagine all the activities/people/dreams/goals that give you joy. Spend time there. When you are healthy inside, you will attract a healthy guy. God bless you :)

Thank you for your honesty. Just rereading what I wrote and reading your reply makez me see what I already should know.

He is cheating on you with his ex girlfriend, and more than likely other women as well.
Dump him immediately and move on with your life.
There is NO WAY this man will ever be the man you need.
Loss is painful, but staying in this hell is far worse.
Cling to your girl friends & a huge pint of ice cream.
Leave him now and in two months you will be a much happier person!

Thank you for your advise. The worst thing about actually leaving him is the time I wasted being with him. I was single for 5years before I met him and the reason was because I didn't want to be in a situation like this ever again. And what's even worse,he knew all this about me. Ugghhh just hurting so much..

You will get through it, and be much happier when it's over.
Now, is the messy part, and no one likes ending a relationship,
Just bite the bullet and kick his loser to the curb.
You are too good for him. You know this. :)

Consider it time spent learning something about yourself. You'll recognize the red flags better in the future IF you take the time to learn to value yourself. Be thankful you didn't marry this person, or have a child; then you'd really be in a mess. I'll be praying for your healing - it will come! Now, call up a good friend & go do something fun.

Thank you lovlies for taking the time to write.. time to heal is what I need. Just don't have the energy to think about anything, let alone do something fun. Hard road.I really wanted to be with him,but it's a shame its ending like this.

Like she said, but grateful you didn't marry him or have children!
It is wise to walk away now, with your head held high.
You can find a much better man than that.
Just remember, the man you date should be making you feel GOOD about
Yourself!! He should bring up you up in life, not down.

I am grateful I didn't have kids with him or marry him. Did kind of see myself marrying him one day, but this must be a blessing in disguise that all this has happened.
It kills me to think I have to go through HOPEFULLY finding someone again and that treats me right.
Always said id end up alone. Uuggh..
Your words mean a lot :)

I have a very similar situation I have been with my ex for 4 years and the first 8 months of the relationship was great then when it started going down hill sex was out of the window and used to ask her why and she said it didn't do anything for her she was a mixed up girl and always sort of knew she wanted me and the single life in the end she used to push me away from hugs and that and we never kissed and I had no choice but to finish it I didn't want to... but it has made me stronger from it and it will make you stronger too

Exactly the same situation with me about the kissing and the hugs!! All I want was to hug him sometimes, but I couldn't even get that. And then the kissing stopped and it hurt so bad.like that connection had been gone along with the sex and physical connection. I just can't take the . But now I'm just so insecure because if I couldn't get any of that from my own boyfriend then who else will want me.

I felt like what you did I nearly went into depression and suffered from eczma on my face from the stress I had with the relationship... but the old saying what comes around goes around he will get hurt at some point and he will regret what's he's done to you... a leopard never changes its spots and he will always be the same... dont think that your not going to find anyone else you will find someone who will respect for what you are and care and be there for you... I'm in the same situation as you at the minute I'm single and the best thing to do is keep yourself busy and stay close to your friends and family you will feel hurt and maybe angry at the moment... but what he's done to you is awful and seems like a guy who likes to play with peoples emotions... it is horrible when you try your best to make it work last weeks of my relationship when we held hands it felt wrong cause I knew something was on her mind

It just sux.I had depression, and with him it help to go away.but its just back again.
He has told me he was hurt by his ex,the same one I described. That was his 'reason' for not letting himself fall in love with me,because he didn't want to get hurt.
But you're so right in saying he plays with emotions. That's why my depression is back.and he had the nerve to tell me I'm doing this to myself, because I'm the one who has issues where there are no issues. Evryone keeps telling me to keep busy with friends and family,I've tried and I just can't seem to get out of it.I don't even cry now,because my mind keeps ticking over and over.
Im sorry to hear about what happened to your relationship.I totally understand what you meant by saying you had to end it even though you didn't want to.its just cruel.

Sometimes, well... all the time, when honest communications don't lead to solutions that benefit you both, then you have to cut your loses, and end the confusion by ending the relationship.

Sometimes it clears the head, and sometimes you get beyond it, and leave it in the past, and do better. That takes time, and its hard, but well worth the healing effort. For sure the longer you cannot talk and resolve you're issues, the more miserable you become.

Helps to have a happy life outside the relationship, like he has, as a balanced healthy life will add a better attitude, and perspective to things, but NO honest communications,No healthy adult relationship.

Maybe its time to re-evaluate this relationship, and make a good decision for yourself, so you can be happy.

I know your exactly right in what your saying. I use to have a healthy life outside the relationship.but you know when you keep getting told the worst things about yourself and then you start to believe it.its so depressing.
I never depended on him because I'm pretty independent that way. Just the trust is gone and my happiness.
And there is no honest communication which is bad.like id have to drag whatever out of him before he would tell me anythng.

Is it too much to think that you should tell your partner where you're going or what your plans are? Am I expecting too much? Or too much to share anythng with your partner?

Taking in the fact we lived together

Well 10 months is about the time the honeymoon, and all the novelty stuff wears off and a persons true nature starts to come out for you to see. I don't know how long you have lived together in those 10 months, but you should have already started the process of honest communications, so you can establish the boundaries and rules of what's good behavior,and what's not.

Not good if these 10 months have not been beneficial, or happy for you, and no adjustments have been made. Maybe you should be more honest about your expectations, and be prepared to carry them out if he is unwilling.

If a partner neither appreciates what he has, or takes it for granted, he doesn't deserve it.