My daughter has lived beyond her means for a long time and I've been helping her with money to pay for gas and food and her baby's things. I just gave her $1000. To catch up on car note and utility bills and mortgage, plus I pay her baby's daycare $520/mn. I have done that out of love but now she is finally filing for bankruptcy and has no plans to let their four wheeler go. Payments on it are $230/mn. I want to continue to help her with daycare and emergencies but not if she afford $230/mn in a luxury item. I guess it's the tough love approach. Was I wrong?

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Originally Posted by Voyager2

My daughter has lived beyond her means for a long time and I've been helping her with money to pay for gas and food and her baby's things. I just gave her $1000. To catch up on car note and utility bills and mortgage, plus I pay her baby's daycare $520/mn. I have done that out of love but now she is finally filing for bankruptcy and has no plans to let their four wheeler go. Payments on it are $230/mn. I want to continue to help her with daycare and emergencies but not if she afford $230/mn in a luxury item. I guess it's the tough love approach. Was I wrong?

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I don't understand the tough love part -

You just gave her $1,000. Has she asked for more money and you've said no?

It may not be her decision to let (or not let) the four wheeler "go." The Court may make that decision for her.

Were you wrong? Yes, you were wrong for spoiling her rotten. She is an adult, she should be making her own way in the world by now.

I don't see the tough love approach either.

Little princess will have to learn to learn to live within her means instead of bleeding everyone else dry.

I have a daughter who feels entitled and I just told her she was not going to get any more and so she is not talking to me at all but she, has not had the guts to talk to her dad either so she knows she was wrong. As for your daughter, I would just tell her when she changes her attitude the help will resume and to what extent. I would help with child care as long as it is paid directly to the service but no more, let her learn where the money comes from. Buy baby food and deliver it to her house to protect the baby if you need to. The rest she is just going to have to figure it out.

Your daughter told you to F'OFF?. WHY?

It seems you're the one paying all the necessary bills and yet she says f'off? Are you poking your nose to their affairs with your payments? If you are willing to HELP as in your term then enjoy what you're doing. If you're finding it hard to lend the extras because they're not taking what you bargain with them for... just stop lending extra monies.

Your HELP and the F'OFF! Just don't fit... and I suggest you stay off their family affairs and rethink seriously again about how much you're giving them for free... or surely you going to get another f'off from her!lol..