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-   -   Abusive relationship -fiancée (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=686437)

  • Jul 24, 2012, 03:21 AM
    mo231980
    Abusive relationship -fiancée
    I am in a relationship with someone who is very emotional but have been working at it by me staying very calm when she is upset most times over nothing. We are engaged but plan to get married this year, thinking this will help the situation. But my fiancée wanted a kid before the wedding so we have a child. I am currently working in her country but she went to another country to give birth and stayed with her sister who is married there. My fiancée has been there for more than a year now and don’t want to return to her country. The baby is more than one year old but she had been suddenly behaving strange. She has been very abusive, will throw out my things when I visit, compare me with the sister's husband, that her sister controls him, but I don't want her to be controlling me etc. Materially, I am OK and financially supportive as the only breadwinner – I finance everything while appreciating her efforts to take care of the baby. When I report to the husband and wife about her abuses, they will say let me handle it, it is not their problem. She even said on many occasions that she does not want the relationship again for no reason and want to stay in that country with her sister. Since we have a child, I had to call in counselors to talk to her. We agreed to celebrate her birthday together and I made all preparations for her to return to her country. I bought the air ticket etc but put the receipt in her name. As soon as I left the country where she is staying, she went and changed the air ticket date. I have decided to give her space and not send any more financial support. After celebrating her birthday away from me, she now wants to return. But I am very upset and don't even want to see her again. Her behavior has been telling on my health. What should I do? Thanks for you help.
  • Jul 24, 2012, 04:31 AM
    C0bra_M3nace
    She may be emotional, but that should not stop you from talking to her about how you feel. Communication is key in any relationship, without it you might as well get up and leave.

    Talk to her about how she makes you feel, how her behavior has changed, and what you think it means. If she can't handle what you have to say, and continues to abuse you, get up and go. You don't need that in your life.
  • Jul 24, 2012, 05:02 AM
    joypulv
    Aha, stopping the money flow seems to have changed her tune.
    She wants you for your money, and you have to decide what you want now. You have a conflict, I assume, between your own state of mind and your desire to be involved in the child's life?
    It will be a tough decision, one I would not try to make for you. Good luck.
    She got away with controlling the situation (having a baby, going to live with her sister) and now perhaps you need to set some limits, starting with perhaps a visit for a month a year or something, just so you can see your child.

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