I'm just curious about this as I have just arrived home from a housewarming with my family; My cousin's cousin (on the side I have no relation with) is 12, about to turn 13 (a boy) and I have just turned 16 (a girl). We met a few months ago at Easter and, for the past year or so, I have been suffering from a mild-severe form of depression. I also know myself very well and know my emotions well, having started puberty at a younger age, I have developed and gone through everything at an earlier stage than a majority of my friends.

So, I have a bit of an awkward crush on this boy, and I know that this is quite unacceptable, given the age gap. He is rather mature, but, like most boys his own age, likes to muck about. This all brings a smile to my face however, with others this just irritates me.

He lives about a 2 hour drive away, and I am not necessarily interested in a relationship; I know that he is at the stage where he "loves" everyone he dates, which is understandable because he is young.

I would also like to say that the last time we met, I was just going through understanding my depression, and I wrote an email to a friend describing something;

Recently, in the past five or so days, twice I have had these dreams where whilst I am asleep I can really feel, and for the most part it is love / romantic feelings. Not the Saturday just gone but the Saturday before, we went to a family housewarming party and my Aunt's sister was there with her two sons, and one of them just instantly drew me and I've had a kind of strange reaction to him. He is 12, 3 years younger than me and I don't necessarily want a relationship with him, on some levels I think it would be strange because of his age and such, but I feel a closeness to him when I think of him which I can't really explain. I had the first dream about 4 nights ago perhaps, and it went on for ages and during it everything was very vivid and my feelings were very strong, this boy, or some form of this boy was there, I think it must have been set a hundred or so years ago because you had to prove you could be in a relationship with this person, I mean that's not relevant but while I was asleep - and the times I woke up whilst having the dream I felt so much love and happiness, and when I look back at these dreams I kind of feel them again. I wasn't sure who the person was and I'm still not sure, but in my head I have decided it was this boy. Again, I had this fantasy about it, altered it in daydreams to suit my freaky dreams about injuries and such, and last night I had a dream where this boy was there again, however this time I can't really remember the dream, but I do remember one part when we were in the sea swimming and the love and those feelings I felt were so strong and I do feel them slightly when I think about them. I don't know if this is relevant at all but I felt like I needed to say it.

That's just copied and pasted from the email, and now looking back, I feel much more positive that it was this boy I am telling you about.

So I just wanted opinions on it; I live in the UK, so obviously USA laws and such don't apply. I guess I just want opinions on the matter; my parents and his get on swimmingly well and he just fills me with a happiness that I haven't felt in a long time (the depression altered my feelings; for the past year and a half, happy emotions have been alien to me unfortunately.)

Thank you for any help I receive. I'll try and answer any other questions you have.

Having crushes, and attractions is nothing new for people but its how they conduct themselves at any age that counts. It starts with not crossing lines of good appropriate behavior that defines how you deal with those good, sometimes strong emotions that other bring out in us, whether they are aware of it, or not.

Maybe you are especially thrilled because of your depression issues, but I advise strongly against acting on them, as tempting as it may be, until you get them in proper perspective, and under control. Maybe they fade away, maybe they get stronger, but its wise to wait and see, and don't let them lead you to impulsive decisions, or out of control behavior (I doubt that happens to you though) that you may regret. I think he is too young for YOU!

We have no control over our feelings for others, but we can control what we do about those feelings. I hope you deal with this as maturely as you do your depression. Have you seen a doctor about it?

Thank you, I obviously haven't acted on them yet, and don't really plan too; however it is the feeling it that is sort of bugging me, as I just want to cry about it, which is understandable for crushes and the frustration and such, especially as I'm not even sure he can reciprocate the way I feel; I've gathered in my head that as you grow older, the capability of your feelings for others also grows, so a crush for him may not be equal with a crush for me.

He is not my first crush since my depression, as I know mentally how I react to a crush, I have known before that I have one. This girl I go to school with and I dated briefly before she cheated on me, but I have to say that I didn't feel as I have done with this boy, and I wasn't particuallry hurt when she cheated, it was just like oh, well then ok you go and do that. However I have been able to feel more with him.

I think I should also add that when we first met, we were often alone in each others presence, I was playing Harry Potter on the Wii and he was sitting with/behind me, and I must say that I was awfully comfortable in his presence. This is rather odd because I can be awkward with other people, and am far more comfortable with adults than children. Again I'm just going to copy and paste from an email I sent;

This boy who may or may not be I in these dreams did strike me a little, ever since I was little, because I started puberty early (errgghhh) I noticed boys earlier and so I know from exprience that when I go to different events, like family parties or such, there is always one person there who is my, let's say 'crushworthy' person, so this boy was no different, at the time I met him I was busy playing a HP wii game ;) and he sat in the room with me for a while, maybe anhour or so, about half the time there was someone else with us, but when there wasn't, we just say in silence and it just felt so comfortable, at least on my part anyway. I think that was quite strange because I can be uncomfortable, I find I get on better with adults because I try and impress them and make a good impression. I don't know really - but I know I probably didn't make a good impression on him.

I definatly feel the possibility for me of waiting until he grows older, more mature; I'm hoping to go to university (in two years) in a town nearer him than I am now. I think what I want is just to establish that there may be the possibility of a relationship between us two in the future, waiting as never been such of an issue for me. Right now, at our current ages, I wouldn't mind just smoothing things about and not so much as dating as just testing the feelings, if that makes sense? Of course, I have no idea whatsoever if he feels anything for me.

A close family friend noticed my depression, about two weeks before I realised them myself after research because I was fed up with it, she is a doctor and so she kind of freelanced diagnosed me; I wasn't given any pills or anything because I didn't want them, I'm just trying to get better without.

Sorry I don't buy yourself diagnosis of depression. A real clinician would have run tests for a hormonal evaluation, so until official diagnosis, I suggest you drop that classification of your mental, or emotional state. It could be a lack of sun light, exercise, or diet as easily as it could be depression.

Don't assume without facts.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Sorry I don't buy your self diagnosis of depression. A real clinician would have run tests for a hormonal evaluation, so until official diagnosis, I suggest you drop that classification of your mental, or emotional state. It could be a lack of sun light, exercise, or diet as easily as it could be depression.

Don't assume without facts.

---

I don't have a lack in any of those; it wouldve been apparent, especially since my eldest sister suffered from depression due to her father leaving. As you don't, I will explain that about a year and a half ago my mother told me she was pregnant, at 14 I could not handle this, and have not been able to feel positive emotions (such as happy excited ect) since.I hope this explains it better.

You have not described depression, but suppression, and that's a totally different thing. I respectfully suggest you reexamine your FACTS, as they may lead to flawed conclusions, and flawed solutions.

Many of us suppress our feelings when we go through events we can't get our heads around, and a lack of excitement is not depression. To feel happy excitement do things that elicit these feelings ,like a sport or physical endeavor that gets the juices flowing, and the senses tingling, through heightened awareness, and anticipation.

Tennis, or body surfing come to mind. Do you engage in sports or strenuous physical activity?

I bet you get great grades though.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

You have not described depression, but suppression, and thats a totally different thing.

---

Ah, yes. Bingo! Psychologists call it sublimation -- a wonderful thing for a hormonal teenager.

First, I want to say, you are obviously a very smart teen, a breath of fresh air around here. You didn't use chat or text talk once. I'm not being sarcastic at all, I loved your post, loved reading it. It's so nice to see that intelligent young people are still out there.

Having said that, I have to agree with Tal. I have been through depression, I'm still medicated because of it. It's not something you can self diagnose, and even though you're a very smart girl, you're still a teen, and normal teen angst can often be misdiagnosed as depression. Not saying that you weren't depressed, just saying that at your age, it's pretty normal. Since you got over it without help, I'd be more inclined to say that this was a hormonal age related thing, and not actual chronic depression.

Let's get to this child. Been where you are. When I was 16 a 12 year old boy moved in right behind us. Only a fence separated his house from ours. He was great. We talked all the time, I would put Eater baskets on the fence for him during Easter, and gifts during Christmas. After a while I began to feel like dating him would be nice. Boy oh boy, the things that pop up into a teens mind.

Thankfully I realized that as a child, he couldn't date me. So I befriended him, and until 10 years ago, we remained friends. I'm now 41.

My suggestion would be for you to use your intelligence, which you obviously possess, and realize that any relationship with a child this young, is wrong.

He may be mature, but he's just a child. I have a 13 year old son, he'll be 14 in September. He's far from ready to date. He's a smart kid. He's a good kid. But, he's a kid. So is this 12 year old.

Trust me on this, the feelings you have right now, will change. You'll go through many relationships before you meet someone that's a lifer. This child isn't someone you should have a romantic relationship with. You're smart enough to know that, otherwise you wouldn't have posted here. Follow your gut. Your gut led to this post, and you know that what you want to do, isn't the right thing.

I hope you stick around, read other questions, answer a few. I really mean it when I say that I find your intelligence refreshing. So share your insight, share your intelligence, your perspective as a teen.

Hope you take me up on that. But forget about the kid, find someone else, someone closer to your age. :)

talaniman thank you for your advice, but my mental/emotional issues are not why I came here, I'm settled and for now I just want to relax and try and figure things out, preferably not how I'm feeling however.

Alty thank you as well; a relationship is not exactly what I want with him, however I can see in the future, in a few years or so, a relationship blossoming, as I know our family's won't lose touch as his mother in my aunts sister (not blood related of course, my aunts husband is blood related to me).

I think I am only interested in establishing that there could be something in the future, as a person (ignoring ages) he and his personality is exactly my "type" if I ever had one, everything about him is what I find attractive. At 16 I have obviously had my fair share of crushes, especially given my early puberty, meaning I started real crushes at 10/11. This means that I know more what I like than I probably would if I had not started puberty.

As for boys my own age, this is off topic but I wish to voice it, I don't drink or party or whatever stupid things people my own age do, because mentally I am a few years ahead (or so me and my mother have discussed as to why I don't) and so, the boys I do know my own age, they are all tedious company because of this, I am viewed as a bit of a freak for not wanting to get drunk and stuff along those lines. This is why I find age gaps attractive, I don't have to worry about that so much.

And thank you, I will go and look around and answer some questions.

Fantasy, and daydreaming are not confined to youth. Matter of fact I often wonder what would happen if Beyonce had of met me instead of JayZ. And that's only the latest one.

Don't let my humor throw you though as we welcome thoughtful articulate people here, and like Alty, I find your discourse quite refreshing. Hope you enjoy and stay forever.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Fantasy, and daydreaming are not confined to youth. Matter of fact I often wonder what would happen if Beyonce had of met me instead of JayZ. And thats only the latest one.

Don't let my humor throw you though as we welcome thoughtful articulate people here, and like Alty, I find your discourse quite refreshing. Hope you enjoy and stay forever.

---

Thank you for your help <3