Ask Me Help Desk - My Mom is an Alcoholic.

Hello,

My mom went from drinking a glass of wine a night, but after her Dad died, she's gotten drunk at all hours of the day, and also mixes wine with her prescribed sleeping pills.

She goes from being really defensive about her drinking, to crying and telling us what a terrible parent she is. She'll tell us she's done for good one moment, then the next we'll find a hidden box of wine somewhere in the house.

She said she was going to AA, but apparently she just stopped going, because I haven't heard any updates about it, and apart of me believes she was lying to begin with.

My step dad has thought about leaving multiple times, but he's continued to stick by her side. I stopped going home for visits because I told her I'm not just going to sit around and watch her kill herself.

I know we can't force her to go anywhere to get help, so I wondered if anyone here would have any suggestions on what I could do to help her.

Thank you.

How old is your mom and was she a regular drinker prior to the noted increase in her drinking?

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrBill100

How old is your mom and was she a regular drinker prior to the noted increase in her drinking?

My mom is going to turn 50 this year. She never drank, or experimented with drugs growing up. She began drinking one glass of wine a night, and it just slowly turned to drinking wine at all hours of the day, and mixing wine with sleeping pills.

I'm still not getting a clear picture of development. Let me explain some basic facts and then you can fit the information.

Alcohol use disorders (AUD), in males, usually begin early and develop over a relatively long period.

Not so with females. It is not uncommon for women to develop AUD in mid-life (40-55) with full-blown symptoms in a short period. That is called telescoping. Can't tell you exactly why that is but telescoping is also obverserable in adolescence. The commonalities are extreme hormonal alterations in both groups and also transitional social circumstances.

This differs from gradual development, increasing tolerance, consumption, related physical and social problems over an extended period.

Interestingly, mid-life female AUD often ends as abruptly as it developed (spontaneous recovery). Of course, one can't sit idly and wait for recovery due to the immediate dangers that result from excessive drinking (intoxication). In females the telescoping also applies to physical deterioration and liver damage in particular and that can be exacerbated by concurrent use of various medications.

So with a little better understanding could probably find the most appropriate resource. In particular, you note at one point that the seeming onset was following death of her dad, but later that she "slowly turned to drinking wine."

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrBill100

I'm still not getting a clear picture of development. Let me explain some basic facts and then you can fit the information.

Alcohol use disorders (AUD), in males, usually begin early and develop over a relatively long period of time.

Not so with females. It is not uncommon for women to develop AUD in mid-life (40-55) with full-blown symptoms in a short period of time. That is called telescoping. Can't tell you exactly why that is but telescoping is also obverserable in adolescence. The commonalities are extreme hormonal alterations in both groups and also transitional social circumstances.

This differs from gradual development, increasing tolerance, consumption, related physical and social problems over an extended period of time.

Interestingly, mid-life female AUD often ends as abruptly as it developed (spontaneous recovery).

So with a little better understanding could probably find the most appropriate resource. In particular, you note at one point that the seeming onset was following death of her dad, but later that she "slowly turned to drinking wine."

Sorry for not being more clear. She had been drinking one glass of wine per night for a couple years, never getting drunk. I started noticing the excessive drinking/ drinking at 2 pm only a week after my grandfather passed. Since then, she's rarely sober in the evenings. She'll retreat to her room because she says "she's tired", or "she hasn't been sleeping". This is where the sleeping pills come in. The Dr. will see that she isn't sleeping well, so they prescribe her pills like Ambien, which she then has a glass of wine with, and the result is that of blacking out from heavy drinking.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Green Elephant

Sorry for not being more clear. she had been drinking one glass of wine per night for a couple years, never getting drunk. I started noticing the excessive drinking/ drinking at 2 pm only a week after my grandfather passed. Since then, she's rarely sober in the evenings. She'll retreat to her room because she says "she's tired", or "she hasn't been sleeping". This is where the sleeping pills come in. The Dr. will see that she isn't sleeping well, so they prescribe her pills like Ambien, which she then has a glass of wine with, and the result is that of blacking out from heavy drinking.

I'm inclined to think that her doctor has not been informed about the extent of her alcohol use. The use of sedatives and hypnotics (including Ambien) by those inclined to intoxication is not recommended. See Standard warnings

Any type of intervention for those with AUD is a formidable task. The very nature of the condition makes them treatment resistant. Here is a link to a group and publication that provides excellent guidance on techniques for non-confrontational methods. In other words, how to effectively persuade one to helpful resources.

SMART Recovery® for Family and Friends. Provides assistance and advice for family members or concerned others to engage treatment-refusing substance abusers into treatment. They use a system known as CRAFT (Community Reinforcement Approach and Family Training), a non-confrontational means of intervention.

Women for Sobriety (WFS). A non-profit organization dedicated to helping women overcome alcoholism and other addictions. Founded in 1976 it is the first national self-help program for women alcoholics. Website: WFS or see also Wikipedia which seems more informative.
NOTE: This could be a valuable resource for your mom when she is ready. In the meantime I recommend their literature for you and concerned family members.

It's impossible to address all of the relevant issues that might apply to you and your mom within this limited context. If you have further questions just ask.

Informative article:

Gender differences in alcohol and substance use relapse
Walitzer & Dearing

Alcoholism Revisited: National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) This represents the latest viewpoint on AUD and treatment.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrBill100

I'm inclined to think that her doctor has not been informed about the extent of her alcohol use. The use of sedatives and hypnotics (including Ambien) by those inclined to intoxication is not recommended. See Standard warnings

Any type of intervention for those with AUD is a formidable task. The very nature of the condition makes them treatment resistant. Here is a link to a group and publication that provides excellent guidance on techniques for non-confrontational methods. In other words, how to effectively persuade one to helpful resources.

SMART Recovery® for Family and Friends. Provides assistance and advice for family members or concerned others to engage treatment-refusing substance abusers into treatment. They use a system known as CRAFT (Community Reinforcement Approach and Family Training), a non-confrontational means of intervention.

Women for Sobriety (WFS). A non-profit organization dedicated to helping women overcome alcoholism and other addictions. Founded in 1976 it is the first national self-help program for women alcoholics. Website: WFS or see also Wikipedia which seems more informative.
NOTE: This could be a valuable resource for your mom when she is ready. In the meantime I recommend their literature for you and concerned family members.

It's impossible to address all of the relevant issues that might apply to you and your mom within this limited context. If you have further questions just ask.

Informative article:

Gender differences in alcohol and substance use relapse
Walitzer & Dearing

Alcoholism Revisited: National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) This represents the latest viewpoint on AUD and treatment.

Thank you very much for all your insight. I will read all of the information you've given me with my other concerned family members.