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-   -   How do I forbid my 15 year old son from dating an older girl, age 17-18? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=684958)

  • Jul 20, 2012, 06:26 AM
    TNSinglemom
    How do I forbid my 15 year old son from dating an older girl, age 17-18?
    Besides the age difference there are religious differences and my son is lying and being deceptive about seeing this girl. I have contacted the girl's parents but they want the relationship. I am close to threatening legal action; is that possible?
  • Jul 20, 2012, 06:29 AM
    J_9
    If there is no sexual activity, there is no legal action.

    What have you done to try to prevent your son from seeing this girl?
  • Jul 30, 2012, 04:18 PM
    LoveNSunglasses
    I think if the girl is not a "bad" girl then you should allow the relationship to happen. If they are happy together then the small age difference isn't that bad. You should see how your son really feels about this girl before taking any serious action... if he is up to "no good" because she is older then you can take some actions but they may piss off your son, but if he genuinely likes that girl then just let the relationship take its coarse.

    I hope this helps... Good Luck
  • Jul 30, 2012, 08:08 PM
    80Rhodes
    My experience is if you forbid your child to do something, then it creates an even greater desire to do it! The age difference is not that significant and I wonder how long she would really be interested in dating someone that much younger? She may be on the brink of high school graduation while your son does not even have a drivers license! That will not last. I am surprised the girls parents support this. Perhaps they view your son as a good influence? Maybe you could allow the relationship but set some terms: dates at home, her house, group dates, etc
    As for religious differences, you could use this as a teaching experience. By talking out some of the difficulties he will encounter if there is a clash of the faiths he may come to discover it is best to find a girl with the same belief system as he.
    Lastly, the best part of this is your son is still very young! Dating is how he learns to figure out what qualities he is looking for in a partner. He will meet and date girls you don't approve of as much as those you do. You sound like a good mom! If you are there to listen and support and help him figure it out, he will be fine! I have 3 teen daughters so trust me on this. They dated some real losers and eventually figured it on their own, with my lovig support of course ;) Good luck!
  • Aug 26, 2012, 02:28 PM
    JudyKayTee
    In many States if the "girl" is told specifically not to date the boy she can be arrested for "custodial interference."
  • Aug 26, 2012, 03:00 PM
    joypulv
    If you had asked this under Law, responses would need to be pretty much confined to legal ones. But you asked under Teens, so you are getting advice you aren't looking for.

    That advice, however, is all going to be very similar. By the time a teen is 15, his parent is going to have to be doing a lot of compromising or he or she will lose it all. Even if you could press charges (highly doubtful when both are minors), I am sure you would regret the result.

    You don't say where you live. I think we are all assuming the US. Laws about age of consent go by state.
  • Aug 26, 2012, 03:08 PM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    If you had asked this under Law, responses would need to be pretty much confined to legal ones. But you asked under Teens, so you are getting advice you aren't looking for.

    That advice, however, is all going to be very similar. By the time a teen is 15, his parent is going to have to be doing a lot of compromising or he or she will lose it all. Even if you could press charges (highly doubtful when both are minors), I am sure you would regret the result.

    You don't say where you live. I think we are all assuming the US. Laws about age of consent go by state.


    All good points - in NY (and I don't know where OP is) even a minor can be charged if the parent says no and the dating continues in secret. It's usually under the "PINS" (person in need of supervision) statute.

    And, yes, it opens up a whole can of worms - but it can happen. Usually the charge is made when the couple is having sex - or the female (obviously) "shows up" pregnant.
  • Aug 26, 2012, 03:35 PM
    ScottGem
    Legally you can tell the girl to stay away from your son or you will press charges for custodial interference.

    You can ground your son, and monitor his activities. Keep a close rein on him.
  • Aug 26, 2012, 06:22 PM
    joypulv
    A minor who is dating another minor against the wishes of the parent of the second minor can really be charged with custodial interference? Are there any cases we can read about?
  • Aug 26, 2012, 06:23 PM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    A minor who is dating another minor against the wishes of the parent of the second minor can really be charged with custodial interference? Are there any cases we can read about?


    Sure - let me pull some up.

    EDIT: I'll look tomorrow - all I find tonight is other sites which I don't want to quote.
  • Aug 26, 2012, 06:32 PM
    J_9
    As for location, I'm guessing that the OP is a single mother from Tennessee as her username is TNSinglemom.
  • Aug 29, 2012, 12:09 PM
    Inso The Jester
    Its wrong to forbid him of that girl just because she is older than him there has to be another reason you don't like her
    People love each other for the way they are I used to have friends that are at least 50 years older than me
    Now I just hope they rest in peace
    If I were you I wouldn't care about age at all
    All I would care about is that if she is a good person or not
  • Aug 29, 2012, 01:44 PM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Inso The Jester View Post
    its wrong to forbid him of that girl just because she is older than him there has to be another reason you don't like her
    people love each other for the way they are i used to have friends that are at least 50 years older than me
    now i just hope they rest in peace
    if i were you i wouldn't care about age at all
    all i would care about is that if she is a good person or not


    How about the fact that it's illegal if there is any sexual contact AND the mother has forbidden any contact? That's just for starters.

    If you were 15 and your mother didn't care if you dated people who were 65 (50 years older), that's more your mother's problem than yours.

    Concerning your profile - it's prefer, not preffer.
  • Aug 29, 2012, 02:33 PM
    Alty
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Inso The Jester View Post
    its wrong to forbid him of that girl just because she is older than him there has to be another reason you don't like her
    people love each other for the way they are i used to have friends that are at least 50 years older than me
    now i just hope they rest in peace
    if i were you i wouldn't care about age at all
    all i would care about is that if she is a good person or not

    The law cares about age. Do you not care about the law? If not, then be prepared to go to jail, but do not give advice to someone else that can lead to jail. You don't have the right to make that decision for them!

    What you care about doesn't matter. The law is the law, and the law doesn't care about how you feel.
  • Aug 29, 2012, 02:37 PM
    smoothy
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Inso The Jester View Post
    its wrong to forbid him of that girl just because she is older than him there has to be another reason you don't like her
    people love each other for the way they are i used to have friends that are at least 50 years older than me
    now i just hope they rest in peace
    if i were you i wouldn't care about age at all
    all i would care about is that if she is a good person or not

    There is something wrong with the brain of any 17 or 18 year old female that chases after a much, MUCH less mature and much younger 15 year old BOY, and the older the female more deeper that illness runs.

    And woman can be and ARE charged with such things sometimes very publicly. And anyone that thinks it would be purely platonic are sticking their heads in the sand.
  • Aug 30, 2012, 07:34 AM
    Inso The Jester
    I am an anarchist and to be honest I don't care about the law unless it hurts other people that I gave advice
    I forgot that the laws between other countries are different
    I'm sorry for not being a big help here due to difference of laws between countries I really am
    And I wasn't dating them they were friends
    ----------
    Thanks for pointing out my grammar english is not my primary language
  • Aug 30, 2012, 07:40 AM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Inso The Jester View Post
    i am an anarchist and to be honest i don't care about the law unless it hurts other people that i gave advice
    i forgot that the laws between other countries are different
    im sorry for not being a big help here due to difference of laws between countries i really am
    and i wasn't dating them they were friends
    ----------
    thanks for pointing out my grammar english is not my primary language


    Obviously you care little about the law: "i had friends that were with me from first grade we were always together as long as i can remember and now we hate each other so badly that i was going to kill one of them that annoyed me so much and i got jailed for it"

    I don't know that someone who advocates violence is an appropriate person to be giving advice on teen boards.
  • Aug 30, 2012, 07:46 AM
    Inso The Jester
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    Obviously you care little about the law: "i had friends that were with me from first grade we were always together as long as i can remember and now we hate each other so badly that i was going to kill one of them that annoyed me so much and i got jailed for it"

    I don't know that someone who advocates violence is an appropriate person to be giving advice on teen boards.

    Well this is not the first time I gave advice in my life
    Again I know my wrongs and I say them because I don't want anyone to do the same

    I forgot to remind you that I said "all i would care about is that if she is a good person or not"
    What kind of good person would do any type of sexual activity with a 15 year old kid?
  • Aug 30, 2012, 08:02 AM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Inso The Jester View Post
    i forgot to remind you that i said "all i would care about is that if she is a good person or not"
    what kind of good person would do any type of sexual activity with a 15 year old kid?


    A LOT of people who post here don't see a problem with sexually active 15-year old children and even younger than that.

    You, in fact, are one of those people: "if i were you i wouldn't care about age at all ..."
  • Aug 30, 2012, 08:09 AM
    Inso The Jester
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    A LOT of people who post here don't see a problem with sexually active 15-year old children and even younger than that.

    You, in fact, are one of those people: "if i were you i wouldn't care about age at all ..."

    Its not that I don't see a problem with a sexually active 15 year old
    Its kind of a problem to be a sexually active 15 year old
    That's where the mom should kick in when she sees that the girl is ready to do sexual activity with a 15 year old then she should forbid him of that
    If she doesn't want sexual activity then the girl is OK and the problem then would be the boy

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