I know my daughter has a lot of issues to sort out over our family life, her father decided when she was 12 that he was gay and left and she was his favorite she adored him we ended up homeless he didn't support us I kept the family together the best I could, after 4 yrs I remarried and my new husband bought us a house, she didn't like him and left home at 17, (broke my heart ) she married had 2 children divorced after 13 yrs now in new relationship has now got a 3 yr old and a 1yr old, she is full of anger falls out with every one and really abuses me with awful things I have told her I love her but can't take any more abuse, so she now bombards me with texts What can I do ? It is making me ill

There is more to this story than you have told us...

No child has built up anger for NO reason.

Either you chose the guy over her many years ago or he did something to her that you refuse to believe.

What else happened?

Out of curiosity, do you respect her?
She is almost 40 years old...
And you posted this in the 'parenting' section?
You ARE her parent still. But you are no longer parenting.
Do you still treat her with the old 'i am the parent you are the child' issue?

And I agree with enigma, no one holds on to that much anger for no reason.

I realize that you wrote just one paragraph out of a whole lifetime, but there is something strange about summing up your second husband with 'he bought us a house.' It sounds, to put it bluntly, that there is a failure to communicate here... that she has tried to explain over the years.. plus it bothers me to hear you say she 'abuses' you if all she is doing is saying things. 'It' isn't making you ill, you are making yourself ill. Whatever you two are talking about is a two way street, and if you don't like it, you don't take her calls or read her texts. But I wonder if her anger stems partly from your inability to understand it, and from your tendency to call it abuse. Sometimes listening is all someone needs instead of defense, excuses, and advice.

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Originally Posted by Enigma1999

There is more to this story than you have told us....

No child has built up anger for NO reason.

Either you chose the guy over her many years ago or he did something to her that you refuse to believe.

What else happened?

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Actually the reason she left home was that my new husband forbade her to sleep with her boyfriend! He had said what would her father think of him (my husband letting her sleep with him) if she got pregnant ! So she up and left to live with her gay father ,who let her sleep with her boyfriend and she got pregnant I hope that answers your queiry!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

out of curiosity, do you respect her?
she is almost 40 years old....
and you posted this in the 'parenting' section?
you ARE her parent still. but you are no longer parenting.
do you still treat her with the old 'i am the parent you are the child' issue?

and i agree with enigma, no one holds on to that much anger for no reason.

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Ok, No I don't treat her as though I am still parenting her, I know she has a lot of past isssues, with her father being gay, but I have always supported her having her babies, financially,etc and I don't expect to be abused with foul language and texts.

It seems the issue here is how you portray her father and his sexuality. Was this something that you berated him about in front of her? Did you talk down about him in front of her?

I second that J!

Op keeps referring to him as the "gay father".

It sounds as if the new husband tried to take the role of the real father, and your daughter wasn't having it, and because HE bought you this new house, it soundes like it was either HIS way or the highway.

It seems as if you took sides with your new husband over your daughter.

A lot of parents forbid their children from sleeping with others... and they don't just up and leave...

Something else went on.

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Originally Posted by sadness12

I know my daughter has a lot of issues to sort out over our family life, her father decided when she was 12 that he was gay and left and she was his favorite she adored him we ended up homeless he didnt support us I kept the family together the best I could, after 4 yrs I remarried and my new husband bought us a house, she didnt like him and left home at 17, (broke my heart ) she married had 2 children divorced after 13 yrs now in new relationship has now got a 3 yr old and a 1yr old, she is full of anger falls out with every one and really abuses me with awful things I have told her I love her but can't take any more abuse, so she now bombards me with texts What can I do ? It is making me ill

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Try to tell her that you love her, meet on mutual ground, say lunch at the mall, and try to talk things out. Worth a last shot...

I'm so sorry you're going through this, sadness12 - both of you. Every family has issues, and there are things that we all probably need to work through regardless of our family situations. You can't change the past, but you and your daughter can change how you move forward in spite of it. In my time with Focus, I came across a good book that really helped me with my own family situations - maybe it would help the two of you too? It's called BoundariesChristianbook.com: Boundaries, Hardcover: Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. John Townsend: 9780310585909. Take one day at a time with your daughter. Praying that you will see healing in your relationship soon!