My family loathes me... My friends aren't real friends, I know they speak of me behind my back... I'm just so, so tired... I used to care, I wanted to have a wonderful career (entymology) and a great life... But now, now I realize that there just isn't a point to it.. No one loves me or cares about me... My own mother suggested suicide... My grades have dropped, I no longer have a social life, and it's very difficult to get along with my family. My mother called me trash, and said she hated me... in my anger I told her I hated her as well... But I didn't mean it... I love her. I'm tired of trying and want to die. Everyone thinks I'm a slut or whore, and say so ( including my family.) and all because of the way I dress. I've never even had a boyfriend. My mother yells at me for being in my room all the time, she says all I do is sleep, but in fact, all I do is cry, and stare at the knife I keep by my bedside... Sometimes I take it and make small scratches, nothing big. However, I wish to go further. I'm just afraid of the pain and what will happen to me after death. I don't want to go to hell. I miss my father... He died almost three years ago. But he'd of been glad with my absence as well. I know no one will care when I'm gone... They think I'm an annoying y slut, who is melodramatic... I hate myself.. I always have.. There's no reason for me to live anymore.. I'm just so scared of the pain... Help me, or give me suicide suggestions which are painless..
