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My teenage daughter is 15 and has told me she is pregnant. Her dad and I have told her we would adpot the baby. She was going to have an abortion, but decided this would be better. Are we right to adopt? She is an immuture 15 almost 16. The boyfriend doesn't seem to have any problems with it. He will be 18 by the time the baby is born.
Thanks
I think that's a wonderful idea. My only worry would be that there may be conflict over who makes decisions as baby gets older.
I think the choice could be either an emotional one or a well informed decision. You need to think of the long term consequences of this decision. What will the feelings be 10 years, 16 years down the road? What if your daughter decides at a later date that she wants her child 'back'? Are you prepared to devote yourself to another 21+ years of child rearing both emotionally and physically? What will this do to the bond your daughter and you share? What about paternal rights and the paternal grandparents? Will the father be involved? How will the child deal with the situation when it is older? Will the child be told or will there be secrets? What if the baby has birth defects or problems - are you prepared and able to deal with this? Financially, are you able to raise another child? Financially are you capable of dealing with court costs for the adoption now and perhaps later if your child wants to parent your grandchild? How old are you and will this interfere in your grandchild's life in later years? There is just so much to consider. I'm not saying you are making a mistake, I am saying don't make this decision lightly and think of long term situations. Discuss them all with your daughter, her boyfriend and his parents.
My heart goes out to you. If you need a grandparents support group I know of several in the US and Canada. Send me a private message for more information.
Hugs, Didi
Great choice,
I totally agree. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Squiffy
As a person who was adopted by their grandparents, I would definitely say it was a good idea. My "sister" bio-mom decided later that she wanted me back but my parents said no and I was never lied to about it I was told as soon as I was old enough to understand and after that one time of asking for me back she never gave them any problems and they share a wonderful bond even today
Why not do this instead.. let her be the mother to avoid conflict that might come later.. on the condition that you also have equal say in what happens to the child in life. Have it wrote up to where you have legal guardianship for a set number of time on the condition that if later she decides she don't want to be a parent that the child stays with you and then legal adoption will take place. I presume the child will be living with you anyway, in this way it will help with any emotional feelings of her thinking you have taken away all control.
Another thing you must consider is yes right now even she thinks it's a good idea but!
When it comes time for delivery of the baby trust me her feelings are going to change as soon as she sees the child for the first time.
Another thing you must think of is okay she won't have the responsibility of accepting her actions.. what about if it happens again? Are you prepared for 2 children?
The boyfriend should also be held accountable and made to pay child support.
Adopting the baby is a wonderful idea, hopefully it will give your daughter the chance to get back on her feet and be able to pursue a few goals in life before she hits 21. However I believe other members in the forum have quite mentioned a few points that you should clearly think about, while you are deciding to adopt your future grandchild.
Put all the opinions and feelings of the parties involved into consideration, a child has many relatives and in this case paternal relatives cannot be ignored. Again the potential of that decision hitting the wall might come when the baby is already in the hands of your daughter, innocent looking and sleeping like an angel, and emotions of backing off spark off, all this are just what could/might happen.
The best part is that you and your husband are offering your daughter the best alternative there could be... all the best it's a wonderful and loving act.
I think that you should be supportive, and help her out, but I think your daughter should remain the child's mother. She is going to be 16 yrs old. She was old enough to have sex, she should take responsibility. I think you should give her 2 years, if at that point she would like you guys raise her child then fine, however I think it should be made clear to the child that you guys are the Grandparents, and you daughter is the Mother. Honestly I think this is the right thing! Pray about it, and discuss this with your daughter. It sounds like you guys are great people, I just ask you pray about the situation, and give it some deep thought.. God Bless...
It's not really a question of right or wrong but what's best for the child. If this is in the child's best interests, then go for it.
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