My mother is in her 90's. She has never expressed any love for me but has a son who can do no wrong, she has pampered him her entire life and he has treated her like dirt. She is now in her 90's and 5 years ago had a stroke I have been caring for her cooking, cleaning washing her doing laundry etc, but no matter what she does not like me. When I was younger my father saw that she favoured my brother so much and he tried to put that balance into my life by ensuring that he took an interest in my hobbies etc.

My parents divorced when I was 13 I am now in my 50's and for some reason long to hear some kind of acknowledgement from my mother yet kowing that this will not happen. My brother never visits.

How do I get to a stage where I can accept her behaviour?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ohala2441

My mother is in her 90's. She has never expressed any love for me but has a son who can do no wrong, she has pampered him her entire life and he has treated her like dirt. She is now in her 90's and 5 years ago had a stroke i have been caring for her cooking, cleaning washing her doing laundry etc, but no matter what she does not like me. When i was younger my father saw that she favoured my brother so much and he tried to put that balance into my life by ensuring that he took an interest in my hobbies etc.

My parents divorced when i was 13 iam now in my 50's and for some reason long to hear some kind of acknowledgement from my mother yet kowing that this will not happen. My brother never visits.

How do i get to a stage where i can accept her behaviour?

---

Short of therapy and intense counselling you may NEVER be able to accept her behavior. I have no idea - and I hear this from my friends - why someone is the chosen child and the other person, the caregiver, the caretaker, is the "enemy."

I hope for your peace of mind that this is how your mother is and she will never change and it's nothing personal - and I know how empty those words are.

You know you're a good person. It might help to hear that confirmed - but you already know. That's what matters.

My mom is the same way. Never understood it never will. I just think she has some mental issues and has some sort of grudge against me that I don't know. All I think to myself is that its her loss and if she wants to pamper an idiot who could care less about her then that's her. And I just think about the times I needed her and she didn't give a so I don't give a or flying either. She can go ask my brother for help. Don't feel bad and of I were you I would leave her to take care of herself since she clearly doesn't appreciate what you do for her. Give it at least a week or two I don't know what the situatiin is but then maybe she will finally REALIZE how much you help and your brother doesn't.and if then she still doesn't I don't know about you but me personallyyy I would just tell her to call her favorite.bit that's just me.but if she's sick then I don't know what to tell u.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by kitkat1989

My mom is the same exact way. Never understood it never will. I just think she has some mental issues and has some sort of grudge against me that I don't know. All I think to myself is that its her loss and if she wants to pamper an idiot who could care less about her then that's her. And I just think about the times I needed her and she didn't give a so I don't give a or flyin either. She can go ask my brother for help. Don't feel bad and of I were you I would leave her to take care of herself since she clearly doesn't appreciate what you do for her. Give it at least a week or two idk what the situatiin is but then maybe she will finally REALIZE how much you help and your brother doesn't.and if then she still doesn't idk about you but me personallyyy I would just tell her to call her favorite.bit that's just me.but if shes sick then idk wht to tell u.

---

In my opinion the person who asked is a responsible person. He's not going to walk off and leave his mother helpless, whether it's for two days or two weeks.

And if that's how the mother feels leaving her alone will make it worse. Why start an argument with an elderly woman? You read she's helpless and in her 90's, right?

Also - please don't use text speak. It's not allowed and makes it rather difficult to take your advice as coming from an adult.