My partner died one day short of 5 years, it was completely unexpected and devastating. I just don't know what to do with myself, I cry constantly, I can't get out of bed, going anywhere is exhausting, I don't eat, I can't sleep. I stare into space, I just miss him, his arms, his lying next to me, his kisses. No I am not romanticizing our relationship of course we had bad times, but I cannot imagine going on without him. We fully expected to live out lives together forever, and yes it is selfish of me to be having all these feeling of what about me, but I just can't seem to get past this. What could I have done to keep this from happening? Why couldn't I sweeter, and not so tough all the time, I told him everyday how much I loved him, just as he told me. No one could ever replace our connection and yet now I am the one having to deal the rest of my life knowing that I will never have that again, I am completely empty. I truly just want to give up so that maybe I could be joined with him again. I miss him every minute of every day.

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Originally Posted by jmg071707

My partner died one day short of 5 years, it was completely unexpected and devastating. I just don't know what to do with myself, I cry constantly, I can't get out of bed, going anywhere is exhausting, I don't eat, I can't sleep. I stare into space, I just miss him, his arms, his lying next to me, his kisses. No I am not romanticizing our relationship of course we had bad times, but I cannot imagine going on without him. We fully expected to live out lives together forever, and yes it is selfish of me to be having all these feeling of what about me, but I just can't seem to get past this. What could I have done to keep this from happening? Why couldn't I sweeter, and not so tough all the time, I told him everyday how much I loved him, just as he told me. No one could ever replace our connection and yet now I am the one having to deal the rest of my life knowing that I will never have that again, I am completely empty. I truly just want to give up so that maybe I could be joined with him again. I miss him every minute of every day.

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Everyone grieves in a different fashion, in a different time frame.

How long ago did your lover die?

I was widowed and it took a long, long time to even say his name. I didn't say "widow" for years. I always said "wife."

I can give you the speech about not honoring his memory if you don't go on, but I'm sure you've heard that. I'm sure you've been told it gets better, and it does. Things are never the same, but it does get better.

Have you thought about a support group, a therapist, someone who will simply listen to you?

I don't know how you could have kept "it" from happening. What were the circumstances of his death? I live with guilt every day because I signed the papers to take my husband off life support.

Do you work? Do you go out at all?

He died June 29, 2012 a day before our 5 year anniversary.

No I took a leave of abscene from work, I don't go out, my bottom is glued to the couch, and I have seven boxes of kleenex's around me at al times. I just can't seem to pull myself together, I don't care to talk to my friends, family, or anyone. All I want to do is sleep, and if I can't sleep I take pills to sleep. When I'm awake all I do is wait for his calls, or for him to come home, I sleep on his pillow, I wear his clothes, and I wrap myslef in his blanket just so I can smell him around me. I have lost the best part of me, and it's ireplaceable.

The month my fiancée was suppose to propose to me, he found out he had terminal cancer. I dealt with that for a year before he died. I was there in the hospital room when he took his last breath. It was devastating to say the least. I cried constantly. I was just like you. It took years for me to come to the realization that I was never going to see him again. I was heartbroken. It does get easier as time goes by, but like the other person said. we all grieve in our own way. It took probably 3 or 4 years for me to actually be able to say his name without crying. I still do sometimes. It never goes away, the heartache. But it will get easier to cope with. I hope this helps and I am sorry for your loss.