I am getting really frustated with myself. I really wanted to end my life . Day by day its eating away my strength.
I am 21 years old. I had a hard childhood. Got really sucked looking at my parents fights. They really ate away my childhood. This is all because of my father. So I just only believed my mom. We are 4 daughters to them. I was the second one. I was asked to marry at the age of 17. At that time as I was really sucked up with my parents issues. I felt that at least my responsibility will be taken away by some one so that the burden on them would be reduced. So I said k. but I really don't know what exactly life is at that point of time.
So I was married at 17 with my mothers brother. We had a age gap of 14 years. Then I was left at my parents home to complete my engineering.
In the mean while of 4 years of my engineering, I had met my childhood friend. I was very attached to him. And we fell in love each other. We continued it for 3 years. As I was not forced to be in any of my married life, I didn't remember it at any point of my love. I had told him at my third year of love. As we loved truly we had no issues of marriage. I had told my mariied man ( husband - I don't want to call him even like that) . He said its already late. You had taken a very long time. I had explained him everything. But he said that to my parents. Pride is very important to my parents rather than me. They didn't agree at all. They are sending me to my married man. My lover is so true to me. I can't stay without him. Rather he. But my parents are forcing me threatening me that they will kill themselves... I can't let my parents to be like that. So what should I do... I have no other way... I am career oriented woman... I got 2 jobs... if I make any other problem at home they won't send me to job... but I can't stay at any cost with him. I can't share myself with that person. I just love only one and I will live or die only with him... what should I do... thinking about all these I feel like giving up my life...