Ask Me Help Desk - How does one trust someone else?

How does one trust someone else?

How can I trust my boyfriend? I'm always so worried about him. I always think he’s cheating on me. We live in the same land, just not in the same village. And when I’m with him I trust him but when I’m not with him I can’t trust him because I’m always thinking he’s with someone else. I mean I ask him if he’s hiding something from me and the way he says "No" makes me think.

Some days ago we had a fight because some random girl copied a load of messages over fb where he had asked her to go out like 10 times and I talked to him about it but he said it was only a joke. But I don’t believe it's a joke.

It's so hard for me to trust him. I love him so much but I can't find a way too trust him. If I had a friend to work this out with (which I don't) I wouldn’t have to ask out here but I don't have any friends so... Please somebody help me I’m dying of all this pain.

Is trust his problem or yours? Has he done anything that makes you think you can't trust him?

Why don't you have any friends? That concerns me and makes me think you are putting all of your apples in your boyfriend's basket -- that is, you depend on him too much to be everything in your life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Is trust his problem or yours? Has he done anything that makes you think you can't trust him?

I don't know I'm just kind of nervous you know, I can't know what he's up too -.- and I'm always wondering why he won't awnser me, I always think he's hiding something from me I don't know why I just can't figure this out

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Is trust his problem or yours? Has he done anything that makes you think you can't trust him?

Why don't you have any friends? That concerns me and makes me think you are putting all of your apples in your boyfriend's basket -- that is, you depend on him too much to be everything in your life.

Hmm I've always had a hard time on getting friends I don't know why...

It sounds like your lack of trust is driving him away. He will be less and less inclined to answer your calls and texts if he thinks you will immediately be on his case and questioning him about his every move.

How old are you, and how old is he?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

How old are you, and how old is he?

Well I'm going to turn 15 and he's 16

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

It sounds like your lack of trust is driving him away. He will be less and less inclined to answer your calls and texts if he thinks you will immediately be on his case and questioning him about his every move.

He never texts me that's what's sad he never call's me too ask how I'm doing not even too say I love you or goodnight and that is really heartbreaking!

So that means you are 14. And he is your first boyfriend?

You do realize and understand that, if you keep after him to find out the "truth" of where he has been and who he has been with and what he has been doing, he will becoming history, right?

Can you think of any adults who have let you down in the past, maybe when you were a little girl?

No actually he's my second boyfriend

How was the first one? Did he call and text and say he loved you? And what happened that he isn't around any longer?

My ex was a pain in the this boyfriend I have now was always so jealouse of me dating my ex I dumped my ex cause he didin't go to anything alll he did was sit in the Laptop, day in and day out and he just came online to talk with other girls not me , the boyfriend I have now does so much more, but at this time he hasen't wrote so much to me, he never text's me..

No my ex never called me never texted me

Do you see there is a difference in how girls handle relationships at your age and how boys handle them?

Yeah kind of

I just don't know what to do anymore </3

Boys live for right now -- what fun can I have and what games can I play and what foods can I eat -- most of it satisfying physical needs and wants.

Girls on the other hand are dreamy creatures full of romantic thoughts and who cry while looking at a beautiful sunset and wonder who they will marry and how many babies they will have.

Do you see the difference?

It's not you. It's not him. Males and females have sometimes very different styles of relating to each other and to the world around them. If you can understand and accept this fact, you will save yourself much agony for the rest of your life

Now, what can you do about this situation?

No it's all my fault I might just end this I end up screwing everything up anyway, no wonder he dosen't text me, I'm ruining he's life ! I mean just cause I'm so worried, if I really loved him I wouldn't go round saying that he was hiding something from me, I guess I'm just curius and scared to lose him...

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Originally Posted by Tiffany Niclass

No it's all my fault i might just end this i end up screwing everything up anyways, no wonder he dosen't text me, im ruining he's life ! I mean just cause im so worried, if i really loved him i wouldn't go round saying that he was hiding something from me, i guess im just curius and scared to lose him ...

C'mon now -- get a grip! That's what we females are so good at, blaming ourselves and feeling mucho guilty! Stop playing the martyr card. It doesn't become you and it makes you look all silly and stupid.

And if you end this one, what about the next one and the next one and the next one?? Stop right here and let's get this situation under control.

Sweetheart, you are simply pushing him away from you. You are holding his chain too tightly. Just because he doesn't call you to ask how you are doesn't mean he doesn't care how you are. Guys are WAY different than girls, trust me. I'm engaged to a man who never just texts me or calls me and we've been together 5 happy years. It's not all about what you see in the movies. It's about what he does.

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Originally Posted by bethanynjesse

Sweetheart, you are simply pushing him away from you. You are holding his chain too tightly. Just because he doesn't call you to ask how you are doesn't mean he doesn't care how you are. Guys are WAY different than girls, trust me. I'm engaged to a man who never just texts me or calls me and we've been together 5 happy years. It's not all about what you see in the movies. It's about what he does.

Still I don't know what to do -.-

What you do is FORCE yourself to have a life aside from a boyfriend. You are both too young for intense relationships anyway. Your lack of girlfriends and other friends and other interests to keep you occupied is worrisome. You sound too needy.

Think of this as a summer school course in Relationships, with a final exam in one month! Your daily homework is to find stuff to do without him. You will find when you are an adult that without stories to bring home to talk about, stories from OTHER events in your life aside from that person, that you soon grow boring and unlikable and petty fighting starts. So get started on that new life, and report back in one month. It doesn't mean you will lose him (but you might be about to anyway, the way you are going) and it doesn't mean you will keep him, but it's what you need for this and all future relationships.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

What you do is FORCE yourself to have a life aside from a boyfriend. You are both too young for intense relationships anyway. Your lack of girlfriends and other friends and other interests to keep you occupied is worrisome. You sound too needy.

Think of this as a summer school course in Relationships, with a final exam in one month! Your daily homework is to find stuff to do without him. You will find when you are an adult that without stories to bring home to talk about, stories from OTHER events in your life aside from that person, that you soon grow boring and unlikable and petty fighting starts. So get started on that new life, and report back in one month. It doesn't mean you will lose him (but you might be about to anyway, the way you are going) and it doesn't mean you will keep him, but it's what you need for this and all future relationships.

You know you're so not helping me here and I'm not about to lose him I'm just worried about him and NO ONE will help me
I haven't done anything wrong I've even talked to him today about what I think about him and he thinks the same way as I do.

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Originally Posted by Tiffany Niclass

You know you're so not helping me here and i'm not about to lose him im just worried about him and NO ONE will help me
i haven't done anything wrong i've even talked to him today about what i think about him and he thinks the exact same way as i do.

That's where joypulv is so right. You need to find other INTERESTING things to talk about with him besides your feelings for each other. You can see that is getting old real fast already.

What about him worries you?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

That's where joypulv is so right. You need to find other INTERESTING things to talk about with him besides your feelings for each other. You can see that is getting old real fast already.

What about him worries you?

No you guys are so wrong if he cheats on me I'm blaming you and joypulv I came to get help not to get worse!