Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend and my past

Hi, my boyfriend can't seem to get over my past. I was 19 when I had what I thought was a relationship. At that moment it felt like it. I never dated anyone or anything and I certainly wasn't sure of what a relationship is. I did like the guy. He was nice to me. We started dating, I guess, and I found out that he was a porn star, or at least that is what he said. I knew he wasn't. But at that moment when we were together, I was convinced that he was. We aren't together anymore though. We never touched or anything. I was creeped out by him, actually. I felt bad for him that he had cystic fibrosis that is how we started talking in the first place. Now, I met someone who is really amazing. I lied to him when he asked if I ever dated anyone. I told him no. But in the end, he found out that I lied to him and he said that he can't be with a person that dated a guy who I thought to be a porn star and was okay with it. He said that the innocent girl he fell in love with is gone. He is calling me a liar, which I am. He called me repulsive and disgusting. He told me that he is disgusted by me and never wants to touch me again. I told him that I never did anything with my ex but he is still not over it. I need some advice on what to do. I feel bad for lying to him and I have already apologized for it. But my boyfriend can't seem to get over the fact that it is my past. He has a way more worst pass than me but I never talk about it. I just want him to let go of the past. I am not the person I was then.

That's a lot less than some people's past. So you only had one boyfriend? AND you didn't have sex with him? Your current boyfriend should consider himself lucky. That's not common. Sex isn't a bad thing but at the same time, many guys like to have a "pure" girlfriend. That's besides the point though. You did lie and that can't be changed but the past is the past and it was a white lie that shouldn't affect your relationship. I'm not proud of my gf's past especially because I want to remain a virgin until marriage and she's had a few sexual partners already but I've gotten over that because I have a genuine girl who's the greatest girlfriend I've ever had. Your boyfriend should be grateful that's all you lied about but he's not treating you right anymore. It doesn't even sound like you two are even in a relationship anymore at least not by your account of what he said. You need to ask him where this is going because if he doesn't want to be with you then he should let you know. At the same time, you don't deserve someone who talks to you that way.

He fell in love with you partially because you were pure and innocent. Think about it theirs this girl that acts so perfect and innocent. Come to findout ''Hey she's down to be with someone that cheats FOR A LIVING and probably has STD's. Not only did you take that part of you he loved away you betrayed his trust. Give him time to cool off then reach out to him. You just might have to let this one go.

Your boyfriend sounds like a emotional, abusive jerk. He has probably done all kinds of crap and lied to boot himself and makes himself feel good by cutting you down.
Girl you don't stay with someone like that. If he gets over that, he will find another thing to dog you out about. That is how people like that tick. They like being with someone they can feel superior to, who allows him to abuse them. Leave this jerk alone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ali18ninja

That's a lot less than some people's past. So you only had one boyfriend? AND you didn't have sex with him? Your current boyfriend should consider himself lucky. That's not common. Sex isn't a bad thing but at the same time, many guys like to have a "pure" gf. That's besides the point though. You did lie and that can't be changed but the past is the past and it was a white lie that shouldn't affect your relationship. I'm not proud of my gf's past especially because I want to remain a virgin until marriage and she's had a few sexual partners already but I've gotten over that because I have a genuine girl who's the greatest gf I've ever had. Your bf should be grateful that's all you lied about but he's not treating you right anymore. It doesn't even sound like you two are even in a relationship anymore at least not by your account of what he said. You need to ask him where this is going because if he doesn't want to be with you then he should let you know. At the same time, you don't deserve someone who talks to you that way.

Yes, I have only had one boyfriend. But it feels so wrong to even call that one a boyfriend. No, I didn't have any kind of sex with that guy. He is mad about me lying. I guess he hasn't forgiven me yet. We both told lies to each other. That's the bad thing! I have always forgiven him about his. Why can't he do the same for me? His lie was about having sex. To me, that is pretty bad, considering the fact that I never touched anyone. He has had many girlfriends and I never ask about them. Why does he have to care so much about my past? What should I do?

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Originally Posted by jillybelly

Yes, i have only had one boyfriend. But it feels so wrong to even call that one a boyfriend. No, i didnt have any kind of sex with that guy. he is mad about me lying. i guess he hasnt forgiven me yet. we both told lies to each other. thats the bad thing! i have always forgiven him about his. why can't he do the same for me? his lie was about having sex. to me, that is pretty bad, considering the fact that i never touched anyone. he has had many girlfriends and i never ask about them. why does he have to care so much about my past? what should i do?

You can't undo what has already happened so the only thing to do from here is to move forward with your relationship or end it. Many people want to know his or her partner's past. Many others don't care or want to know. But regardless, I think it's important for a couple to know each other's past. If a person can accept his or her partner's past, then that's a relieving feeling and it could be a sign that this person is great who will accept you no matter what your past was. Guys are very "territorial" with their gf/wife. It has a lot to do with pride. We like to know that we're the only guy and when there are exes, we want to know that we are better. Needless to say, we don't want to know how "amazing" or whatever they were and if you lied about having one, it probably makes him jealous. Very jealous. He thought he was the only one but now it seems there was another and when something sexual is involved, for example you thought he was a porn star and you still wanted to date him, he believes you wanted very sexual relationship with this guy. He may have some negative feelings toward you because you tried to hide it. You should try to talk this out with him and explain how naïve you were when this happened and how you've changed and desire a mature relationship with him and if he can't accept that then you need to move on. Find a guy and if your past comes up in a discussion, don't try to hide it. If he wants to know your past just tell him. If your past doesn't come up then don't volunteer it.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Your boyfriend sounds like a emotional, abusive jerk. He has probably done all kinds of crap and lied to boot himself and makes himself feel good by cutting you down.
Girl you don't stay with someone like that. If he gets over that, he will find another thing to dog you out about. That is how people like that tick. They like being with someone they can feel superior to, who allows him to abuse them. Leave this jerk alone.

He did apologized to me though for disrespecting me. Yes, actually he has done a lot of stuff, but he said that he never dated anyone that he thought was a porn star. He got mad today because I changed my password to Facebook!

He sounds like a controlling jerk. Why would he get mad because you changed your password, Your password is none of his business anyway. Your past is none of his business unless it is something that would affect his future.
I think you are always going to have problems with him. You need to leave him.

RUN and Run fast! This guy is a control freak and if he's treating you like this already you have no clue how bad it can get!!