I need help in helping to move forward.

I've been dating this guy for a year, he's divorced and I'm separated from my husband 2 years. I knew the guy from work before we dated . Both of us have kids living at home, so we see each other once week for dates and meet once a week for lunch since we work in the same city within 15 minutes of each other. He is romantic and attentive and usually sends flowers or candy every week. Well lately, I've been getting weird vibes from the guy. He stopped inviting me to his house, not that I used to go but I was there twice. His 3 young adult kids still live with him so it felt a little awkward. Anyway he told me that before me he casually dated a woman he met on a dating site. He said he was lonely, and didn't especially like her, but they were like friends with benefits an drinking buddies. During the last two months his behavior changed a little. In addition to flowers and candy, he used to send me small gifts, but hasn't given me anything for the last two months.
A few weekends I blew him off when I feeling frustrated because of my demanding job. Anyway, he was taking a few extra days off after the 4th of July, but when I mentioned that we should spend one of those days together, he was evasive.
I thought something was up, and I wanted to know the truth, before I would fall for any story he may give me, because I had a growing suspicion. So I looked on on the dating site he mentioned previously, and guess who I saw. Yup, him, active within the last 24 hours. I saw that he re-opened his dating account because it said he was new. So why is he active within the last 24 hours? I mean, if I wanted a friend with benefits, I'd get someone ten years younger (he's 51) and trust me, that would be very easy to do. I thought about this a little more, and decided that before I jump to conclusions, or give him a chance to backtrack, I created a fake profile. I found an attractive woman's picture online, and created a fake profile. The picture was just her face, she looked like she was in her early 40′s, attractive, but not stunning, or sexy. She was smiling, and it looked like she was sitting in her cubicle. I made a quick fake profile, which bordered on minimalist and modest. And posted it, I decided that this was worth the 35$ match charged me to have a real profile. Then I had my internet girl wink at him, and shortly after she (me) typed an email saying, “nice pic”, and nothing else. Then I waited, it must have been 5 am. At 7 am, I receive the usual text from him, “morning sexy”, and I replied right away.
And he says, “wow you're up early”, and then I replied saying that I had a bad dream that prevented me from going back to sleep (I lied). He asked what my dream was, and I made up a short synopsis. While we were talking, I stayed logged in to match,
And of course I get an email reply from him, saying something about the picture, that she (me) commented on. The email was friendly, and short. He also wished her a happy 4h. I think he was expecting a reply, but I didn't need to take it that far, I just wanted to know if he is actively looking for dates, and from his email, though he didn't make any moves (not his style to come on …fear of rejection) his email definitely left her room to reply and have a conversation. I also noticed that he updated his profile that morning, because he talked about his two recent trips to NY and Key West, that's were we went together, and by the way Key West was his birthday present to me in May, and NY we just went two weeks ago. The first trip was three days, and a lot of the time he kept reminding how much money he spent on dinner, but though it was my birthday, he didn't spend a penny more on me than on himself. I almost felt like a paid companion. But back to the online incident… so that morning he texted me some small talk, and I texted him back several texts , which had nothing to do with the usual texts he sends me. This is what I said, to him after he told me that some of his sons friends were sleeping over. “I feel stupid. I created a fake profile earlier today. It bothers me that I did that. I hate lying. And this is not something I would ever do, but I really wanted to know. I tried talking to you about this vibe I was getting several times, but didn't get far. I guess I assumed we were in an exclusive relationship. But clearly I was wrong. Im not telling you what to do and you are free to do what you want with whomever you want, but I can't date you if you're active on a dating website. I wish you would have told me. I'm not mad, just feel let down a litle. Well maybe a lot. If you have anything to say to me then you should call me soon, and if not, then that's OK too.”These were texts I sent to him, he didn't send any texts in between mine.Then before logging of my fake match account, I sent a short email
To his online dating account,addressing him by a pet name (we had pet names for each other) and I said, “Wow (pet name) that really hurt” Then I logged off. About five minutes later, he sends a text saying, “this is a lot to digest on several levels”. Obviously I didn't reply, I gave him an option to call me, not text me. This is after we've been dating for a year,and he told me he loved me everyday, and that I'm the only woman for him, because I'm so special,beautiful, sexy, etc.. And this is after he told me a lot of intimate details about his life (not lies) and after he ate dinner often with my kids, and occasionally slept over, and played basketball with my 20 year old son. This is after he told me how he really wants me to go with him to his nieces wedding, and how all his family is dying to meet me, and this is not bull, because a month ago when he called his sister to wish her happy birthday, he handed the phone to me, this is after he called his mother and told her about how fun our trip to NY was…etc…So the only way this makes sense to me is that his feelings somehow changed recently, and he decided that he should start dating a little, but until he finds someone he likes better than me, he will keep me around, because he doesn't want to be alone in the interim. He always said to me that he is a one woman man, that I'm the first woman he felt such deep love for, and often talked about our future together. Which I never did. I always referred to the present when I talked about us.
I made it clear to him from the beginning that I will never get married again, but I still want to be in a monogamous committed relationship, and that it couldn't ever be otherwise, he told me the same thing, though he said that he didn't rule out marriage, but as long as we were together, that was OK with him. So what the heck is wrong with this guy? Is he a pathological liar? Or he had a change of heart and didn't have enough courage to brake up with me. I don't get it? I'm not confrontational, its very easy to break up with me, trust me. All he had to do was cancel a couple of dates, not even say anything, and that would have ended it. Why lie, and do this online dating, while texting me ” morning sexy”, sending flowers, and candy every single week, to my work and house. Honestly, I thought he was the nicest guy in the world. He is 51, not a young man by any stretch of imagination. Also, I have to add that I'm very attractive, have a good job, make a six figure salary close to his, when I was in my 20s I was a model, and pretty much retained the look. Often when we went out, other men would give me as much attention as they considered reasonably safe. And he often commented that he's never been out with a woman who got so many looks from men, boys, and even women. So obviously, its not that he's looking for someone prettier, or put together. He often said that I make the average woman look thick, and short, which by the way I thought was a tacky thing to say, and to judge women stricly on their appearance, after all, he is handsome, but not looks his age, and though he's tall, he carries an extra 20 pounds around his stomach.
I feel like my heart is broken, and it will take a long time for it to heal.
It's been 10 days, and I haven't heard a word from him. Not that if he would apologize I would reconcile, though an apology would be nice.
I would like to include a detail from the past. When we went on our first date, and it was very nice, I made him wait for the date for 1.5 months, and after our date, the next day he messaged me saying that (this six months before his divorce) his ex might be moving back to the house for a while because she had to move out of the place she was in …anyway, even though we had the nicest date, I told him that I don't want to get between them, and that once they settle all their business I would consider going out again, I also defriended him on Facebook. Of course he was furious, and didn't talk to me for 9 months, we worked for the same company, different locations. Before I left, I sent him a brief email wishing him the best and clearing the air a little, and that's when he started pursuing me again, and we started dating.
Well that was a year ago, now things cooled a little. Recently, I was having personal difficulty at work, and other stress factors unrelated to him, I cancelled our dates. Which means he was stuck at home, or went out alone? Interesting that his two male friend from college live two states away, and he is a loner type, so he doesn't have any friends near by to do stuff with. I can understand since I'm not very social either, and of course family responsibility since both of us have our kids with us full time. So I suspect that he decided that it gives me too much power over him, and this way, if I don't feel like hanging out some weekend, he can act nonchalant about it, because through online dating he has a few women he can always call for a date. So now this thing is reduced to a power struggle between us. This is not so much about infidelity, but control. He didn't make a move on me for two months, so I doubt his other relationships are purely sexual, but rather more about power and control. Because the last time he came over, I was surprised to see him because we didn't confirm our plans, and he said, if you don't want me here, I can leave. Obviously, he had the online dating established. So this is no about forgiveness on my part, but about him treating women as feminine objects he can manipulate anyway he wants and later discard, because his feelings for me are deeper, he feels dependent, and he doesn't like that, since he is a loner. So I'm not sure if he can tell the difference between a real relationship, or with a woman of the moment whom he uses to fill his loneliness/boredom. I view his behavior as manifestations of his conflicting issues, namely, trust and partial dependence on his partner. I gave him an ultimatum, now he has to make the decision, and unfortunately looks like he decided to play it safe, and develop shallow and disposable relationships My conclusion is based on specific things he told me about his life growing up and as a married man with kids. I hope I'm not over thinking this? Do you agree with the portrait I painted of him? Care to add more? I need perspective.
He would have to do a lot more than to apologize, in fact, he would have to make a sacrifice proportional to what he took away from me, which is my total trust. Please tell me what you guys think. I feel awful.
Thank you,
-R