My boyfriend has gotten quite large over the last 6 months, so large to the point that having sex is gross to me. I am the mother of his two children and have managed to keep myself in good shape, its as if he has completely let himself go. He wants to get married, but I can't see myself walking down the aisle towards a man who can't be bothered to take care of himself, I love him I really do, he is hilarious, and always laughs about how big his "breasts" are. I don't know how to get him to realise that his unhealthy weight gain is not a laughing matter to me.

I have considered getting fat with him, but we are far to young to let ourselves go now.

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Originally Posted by reidsmomma

My boyfriend has gotten quite large over the last 6 months, so large to the point that having sex is gross to me. I am the mother of his two children and have managed to keep myself in good shape, its as if he has completely let himself go. He wants to get married, but I can't see myself walking down the aisle towards a man who can't be bothered to take care of himself, I love him I really do, he is hilarious, and always laughs about how big his "breasts" are. I don;t know how to get him to realise that his unhealthy weight gain is not a laughing matter to me.

I have considered getting fat with him, but we are far to young to let ourselves go now.

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I would highly recommend to stay away from "getting fat together" that is just unhealthy everywhere.

You just tell him, guys have the ability to understand that enough is enough but we only see it whenever we are told. I have let myself go a couple times while living with someone and a single phrase whipped me back into shape. Now if he is one of those super sentitive guys (which I really doubt considering he jokes around about his man tits), then just pick up a hobby that uses a lot of energy and cut down on the food, remember that his favorite activity is sex, which just so happens to be the best way to kill those calories, so make him work it!

Tell him you are worried about his health. He will understand if he really loves you.

Are you preparing meals for him? If so, what steps are you taking? Maybe he needs to enroll in a program like weight watchers. It will eventually take its toll and you have a say in the matter because it will effect the financial well-being of the children, life insurance policies, and other important matters. Approach it as a business situation as well as the emotional side.

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Originally Posted by reidsmomma

My boyfriend has gotten quite large over the last 6 months, so large to the point that having sex is gross to me. I am the mother of his two children and have managed to keep myself in good shape, its as if he has completely let himself go. He wants to get married, but I can't see myself walking down the aisle towards a man who can't be bothered to take care of himself, I love him I really do, he is hilarious, and always laughs about how big his "breasts" are. I don;t know how to get him to realise that his unhealthy weight gain is not a laughing matter to me.

I have considered getting fat with him, but we are far to young to let ourselves go now.

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If this is your true feeling - you can't picture yourself marrying an overweight man, a situation in which sex is "gross" to you - do both of you a favor and make other arrangements for the rest of your life. I realize you have two children together and would be a single mom, but you are doing him no favors by staying with him when he grosses you out. Your other post says: "my boyfriend has gained an incredible amount of weight and I can hardly stand having sex any more with his belly flopping ontop of me and his breasts in my face, its enough to make me sick ..."

It's time to leave.

I'm surprised that after two children you can't talk to him, sincerely and honestly, about how you feel but I guess not everyone has good communication in a relationship.

I'll tell you why this question makes me question the relationship - my late husband was sick for a long time. No question his physical appearance changed, and not for the better. I never found him gross. I never didn't want to marry him with all the "baggage" that that entailed.

I'm not Mother Teresa nor do I have any delusions that I am - but if appearance is so important that you find him "gross" I question how you will cope with whatever other changes life throws in your path.

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Originally Posted by mmresd

I would highly recommend to stay away from "getting fat together" that is just unhealthy everywhere.

You just tell him, guys have the ability to understand that enough is enough but we only see it whenever we are told. I have let myself go a couple times while living with someone and a single phrase whipped me back into shape. Now if he is one of those super sentitive guys (which I really doubt considering he jokes around about his man tits), then just pick up a hobby that uses a lot of energy and cut down on the food, remember that his favorite activity is sex, which just so happens to be the best way to kill those calories, so make him work it!

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THANKS! You gave me the answer I really needed. I suggested some more sexercises and he was pumped, he even ate a salad! Thanks so much!

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Originally Posted by mmresd

I would highly recommend to stay away from "getting fat together" that is just unhealthy everywhere.

You just tell him, guys have the ability to understand that enough is enough but we only see it whenever we are told. I have let myself go a couple times while living with someone and a single phrase whipped me back into shape. Now if he is one of those super sentitive guys (which I really doubt considering he jokes around about his man tits), then just pick up a hobby that uses a lot of energy and cut down on the food, remember that his favorite activity is sex, which just so happens to be the best way to kill those calories, so make him work it!

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Problem here is that OP finds sex with him to be gross and she can hardly stand having sex with him, it's enough "to make her sick." He can't eat salads every night and the weight isn't going to fall off in one day.

So where does he go to find an enthusiastic partner for his favorite activity?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Problem here is that OP finds sex with him to be gross and she can hardly stand having sex with him, it's enough "to make her sex."

So where does he go to find an enthusiastic partner for his favorite activity?

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Are you seriously trying to hurt my feelings because the man I want to grow old with has let himself go to the point where sexual attraction is a problem??

I asked a question to save my relationship, and I got a helpful answer. You told me to give up and make other life arrangements because I find sex with a fat person gross. I am SORRY if this comment I made hurt YOUR feelings.
But I am sure I am not the only person on the planet that feels that way, including my man. He admitted that he wouldn't want to have sex with me either if I had let myself go.

We have made it through a lot together, he already has a medical condition that we have had to work through, and I am refusing to allow him to have another one. I want to grow old with him, and when I say I can't see myself walking down the isle towards him in the condition he is in, its because I can't see myself marrying some one who is not committed to living a full and healthy life with me.
I have seen too many couples having to give up living life to the fullest due to a obese partner, and that's not fair to any one. My own grandmother has given up the last 40 years due to an obese husband. She wanted to do more with life than drive her husband to doctors appointments, and put his socks on for him because he couldn't bend over far enough.

You can judge me if you want for feeling the way I do, I don't care. My kids deserve a healthy father, and he deserves a healthy life in all aspects including sexually.

Please keep your nasty passive aggressive comments to yourself. Its not nice.

I would say that she does not really love this man, and is very shallow. I would say that she would do him a favor by leaving so he can go on to find someone that really love him.

Sorry, you can not and should not demand or tell anyone to change. It is not your place or your right.

I feel so sorry for this poor man right now it makes me sick.

As he grows old, he will gain some weight, he will lose his hair, most likely lose his teeth, he may have a car wreck tomorrow and lose a arm or have his face disfigured. I would say your attitude is very childish at best.

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Originally Posted by reidsmomma

I am SORRY if this comment I made hurt YOUR feelings. ... But I am sure I am not the only person on the planet that feels that way, including my man. He admitted that he wouldn't want to have sex with me either if I had let myself go. ... please keep your nasty passive aggressive comments to your self. Its not nice.

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There is nothing passive/aggressive about my comments. You do understand the meaning of passive/aggressive, right? I'm as straight forward as I can be.

I find both you and "your man" to be remarkably shallow if (and you apparently do) you share the same feelings about physical perfection.

And don't even attempt to tell me how to answer - unless, of course, you're a Moderator.

You asked on a public board - I answered. We are both entitled to an opinion.

Your remarks about sex with a less than perfect partner are insulting to every woman who has ever lost a breast, every person who has ever had a disfiguring injury, every person who has developed a physical altering health problem during a relationship (and that includes chemo). Very insulting.

I stand by my comment - if sex with your overweight boyfriend, the father of your children, is so disgusting that it makes you sick you owe it to everyone not to marry him and to go on with someone who will make you happy. He HAS to know your feelings about him and his body every time he approaches you. I can't imagine what that feels like to him emotionally.

You've posted that you believe in karma - I'm curious to see how karma plays out here in the long run.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

I would say that she does not really love this man, and is very shallow. I would say that she would do him a favor by leaving so he can go on to find someone that really love him.

Sorry, you can not and should not demand or tell anyone to change. it is not your place or your right.

I feel so sorry for this poor man right now it makes me sick.

As he grows old, he will gain some weight, he will lose his hair, most likely lose his teeth, he may have a car wreck tomorrow and lose a arm or have his face disfigured. I would say your attitude is very childish at best.

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I always wonder what the person asking the question, complaining about the partner's looks, looks like -

I also never want someone to hold the threat of not marrying me over my head (despite having two children) unless/until I change/improve something about myself and/or my life.

Sad all the way around - and the children will grow up with uncommitted parents, with all the wrong values, believing physical appearance is more important than the moral/ethical values of a person.

So what you guys are saying is that weight gain caused by eating fast food, playing video games, and being lazy even when it makes himself conscious is okay, but me wanting my sex life back is wrong... okay I guess every one is entitled to their opinion... my opinion is if you are a shallow man living with a shallow woman (funny how healthy is now shallow) you are responsible to stay sexy as hell. But hey Im a bad person because I think a 25 year old with man tits and a mummy tummy is gross... I didn't say anything about sick people or car accident victims (This being absolutely unrelated to my question), my question was about a man letting himself go because he didn't think he needed to try any more.
And now that he is actually trying I am totally all over that big piece of man. So to you two who think a family should break up because a man shouldn't be told to lose weight, thank you for all your comments, I will be sure to ask my future questions with much more sensitivity so as not to hurt any ones feelings. Sorry again for "insulting" every woman on the planet...

My reasons for asking him to loose weight: he doesn't have the energy to play with our kids any more which is so sad for them, all the sports he used to play tire him out so he doesn't have his social outlet any longer, he never sees his friends any more. When we go any where he is too tired to come, he is self conscious. And I was NEVER to be mean to him, I never called him down, I NEVER deny him sex even when I don't want to, I am very good to him. I asked for a nice way to tell him that his weight gain was hard to handle considering the stud he was 6 months ago. But hey paint me up as the devil because I think sex with man tits is gross... to me it is. To you it may be a beautiful thing. Different strokes for different folks people.

Maybe I should break up our loving family... Just because I think he needs to loose weight doesn't mean I don't love him. He is my best friend, and he is a great father, and I will never leave him even if he looses an arm or a leg. Obesity is another form of suicide, jut like smoking, or doing drugs. Just my opinion, I will be waiting for your next attack on my character, you must know my relationship so well from one question.

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Originally Posted by reidsmomma

So what you guys are saying is that weight gain caused by eating fast food, playing video games, and being lazy even when it makes him self conscious is okay, but me wanting my sex life back is wrong.... okay I guess every one is entitled to their opinion.... my opinion is if you are a shallow man living with a shallow woman (funny how healthy is now shallow) you are responsible to stay sexy as hell. but hey Im a bad person because I think a 25 year old with man tits and a mummy tummy is gross.... I didn't say anything about sick people or car accident victims (This being absolutely unrelated to my question), my question was about a man letting himself go because he didn't think he needed to try any more.
and now that he is actually trying I am totally all over that big piece of man. So to you two who think a family should break up because a man shouldn't be told to lose weight, thank you for all your comments, I will be sure to ask my future questions with much more sensitivity so as not to hurt any ones feelings. sorry again for "insulting" every woman on the planet...

My reasons for asking him to loose weight: he doesn't have the energy to play with our kids any more which is so sad for them, all the sports he used to play tire him out so he doesn't have his social outlet any longer, he never sees his friends any more. When we go any where he is too tired to come, he is self conscious. and I was NEVER to be mean to him, I never called him down, I NEVER deny him sex even when I dont want to, I am very good to him. I asked for a nice way to tell him that his weight gain was hard to handle considering the stud he was 6 months ago. But hey paint me up as the devil because I think sex with man tits is gross... to me it is. to you it may be a beautiful thing. different strokes for different folks people.

Maybe I should break up our loving family.... Just because I think he needs to loose weight doesn't mean I don't love him. He is my best friend, and he is a great father, and I will never leave him even if he looses an arm or a leg. Obesity is another form of suicide, jut like smoking, or doing drugs. just my opinion, I will be waiting for your next attack on my character, you must know my relationship so well from one question.

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I find that this post from you who accused ME of being passive/aggressive is downright laughable. Yes, apparently you DO know the meaning of the phrase, and can turn it quite well. Kudos!

By the way, it's lose, not loose, just so you don't keep making the same mistake or not proofreading.

You are talking about his physical appearance - this is the first I've heard about video games, fast food and being lazy, not that it matters much. In fact I only read about how he grosses you out during sex. I didn't see any of this until now: "he doesn't have the energy to play with our kids any more which is so sad for them, all the sports he used to play tire him out so he doesn't have his social outlet any longer, he never sees his friends any more. When we go any where he is too tired to come ..." You CHOSE to have two children with this guy? I doubt any of this happened overnight.

Your P/A statement that "healthy is now shallow" is just that - P/A. No one said that he shouldn't be healthy. I don't know how/when/where you're reading that.

"Your] opinion is if you are a shallow man living with a shallow woman (funny how healthy is now shallow) you are responsible to stay sexy as hell." P/A but, okay, that's your opinion.

Sick people and accident victims are NOT unrelated to your question. You are talking about physical appearance. Now, if you were saying he's mean or stupid or uneducated or can't hold a job, then the comments about changed physical appearance would be out of line - but I haven't heard a single word about his attributes, only that he's "funny about his man boobs," whatever that means. Apparently he's a real loser (or "looser") and fat, lazy and unmotivated to boot!

"hey Im a bad person because I think a 25 year old with man tits and a mummy tummy is gross...."

Another P/A statement and my answer is: Yes, I think you are.

As far as this - "[your"] own grandmother has given up the last 40 years due to an obese husband. She wanted to do more with life than drive her husband to doctors appointments, and put his socks on for him because he couldn't bend over far enough" maybe she should also get out. I also wanted to do more out of life than drive my late husband to Doctors' appointments. For that matter, so did he.