I want to get sole-custody of my 3-year old daughter. By her behavior over Christmas I suspect she is being abused by her mother. Mom and daughter live in N. Carolina and I live in Calif. We've been legally separated since just before I got out of the military. There was never any formal agreement as to custody made between the mom and me, we just agreed that my daughter would live with her mom and I would get her on holidays. Vacations, etc. We also agreed on a monthly child supprt amount, to which I have complied. This was all verbal. Here is my question: Where do I begin?
Thanks,
Sad Dad

Dear sad dad,
If you honestly feel that that baby is being abused then call the child abuse hotline in North Carolina or even a national hotline and report it at once, and I do mean right now!! In North Carolina reports of suspected abuse must be followed up within 48 and maybe even 24 hours which means that you can call and remain anonymous and that someone from child protective services will go into the home to investigate and they will do it soon... real soon. Please do this for your child and any child that you feel is being abused. It seems to me that the Veterans Administration could help you in the legal department. If not legal aid and social services could be of some assistance.
Verbal agreements are almost as legal as anything that is put down on paper but unfortunately honesty often goes out the window in some cases like yours. Do you have proof of the money that you have spent while helping to support your daughter. I must also warn you ahead of time that proving a child's mother to be unfit in order to get full custody of your child is going to be very hard unless neglect and abuse are blatently obvious. The truth is that you will not find too many judges that are not going to try to keep the child in the only home she has ever known. Also remember that no matter what the circumsances are that all children love their parents even the kids that come from the most horribly abusive homes will fight to stay there rather than leave the only people that they have ever known as mommy and daddy. It sounds as if you are in for the fight of your life and I do wish you luck but you should know that there are no winners in this type of situation. If you do get custody, be prepared for many nights of no sleep while you try to comfort the baby girl that has been taken away from her mom.

Please call social services so that they can look in on your little one. If there are signs of abuse, you will be the first person that they seek out if they decide to remove the child from the home.If you tell them who you are then they will not only have to investigate the suspected abuse but they will also have to tell you whether they found anything to be concerned about, that is unless the laws have changed. I have studied social service law in North Carolina and know quite a bit about social work in general.

I hope I have helped you,
Good luck.
God bless all children,
Amy

Get your paperwork together: anything and everything. If you have nothing, get something that states that you can take care of her, that you are the father. And that you have been doing what you can financially (being responsible). If you start cutting down the mother to a judge, it won't be looked on nicely. Focus instead on the fact that you are the father and have rights to your child just like every other parent in the world. Then, go to your local courthouse and file for a court date. Once you get some visitation in your "zone" you can then start to get evidence on what may be happening. You HAVE to be in the picure if you plan to start a case with the children's services or you will take the risk of the children getting put in foster care and getting lost in the jumble.