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-   -   I stare at other men (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=681250)

  • Jul 10, 2012, 06:07 PM
    diah
    I stare at other men
    I'm married love my husband so much do not want to be with other men but I have a problem I stare at other men I need help tell me what to do to fix this problem I have I will like to save my marriage
  • Jul 10, 2012, 06:12 PM
    steph2011
    Does he know about this problem?
  • Jul 10, 2012, 06:14 PM
    diah
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by diah View Post
    I'm married love my husband so much do not want to be with other men but I have a problem I stare at other men I need help tell me what to do to fix this problem I have I will like to save my marriage
    Yes
  • Jul 10, 2012, 06:17 PM
    diah
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by steph2011 View Post
    Does he know about this problem?
    Yes
  • Jul 10, 2012, 06:21 PM
    steph2011
    Are you sure you are "staring" ?( there is a difference between looking and staring) Have you tried to just stop staring? If yes what happens?
  • Jul 10, 2012, 06:32 PM
    diah
    Well I look but my husband thinks I'm staring, yes I'll stop but I look again to see if the other person is looking at me I don't know why I do that
  • Jul 10, 2012, 06:44 PM
    steph2011
    Well u can't stop looking. Obviously everybody looks. Really try resisting your urge to look again.
  • Jul 10, 2012, 07:30 PM
    Homegirl 50
    There is nothing wrong with looking. Do you have the desire to act on what you see?
    I'll bet your husband looks.
  • Jul 11, 2012, 05:08 AM
    diah
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    There is nothing wrong with looking. Do you have the desire to act on what you see?
    I'll bet your husband looks.
    No I do not have a desire or act. I don't even know why I look , I do not want no 1 else I don't desire to be with another man just with my husband
  • Jul 11, 2012, 10:15 AM
    Homegirl 50
    Like I said, there is nothing wrong with looking.
    Is your husband bothered by your looking? If so, maybe he is insecure.
  • Jul 11, 2012, 12:30 PM
    diah
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    Like I said, there is nothing wrong with looking.
    Is your husband bothered by your looking? If so, maybe he is insecure.
    yes I think he is insecure,he's accusing me of me looking at another man at a babyshower we were I cannot recall me looking at another man or man looking at me but he's very upset about this and would not speak to me.he feels I disrespected him. It's been 3 weeks and he doesn't speak to me look at me touch me kiss me nothing we like enemy .I really love my husband and it's really hurting me I don't know what to do.what advice can I get from you guys to help me save our marriage
  • Jul 11, 2012, 02:34 PM
    Homegirl 50
    The problem is him not you. Suggest counseling, couples counseling. Although the problem is him it can make your life a living hell and you will need it.
    Or, he could be guilty of something himself.
  • Jul 11, 2012, 04:02 PM
    diah
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    The problem is him not you. Suggest counseling, couples counseling. Although the problem is him it can make your life a living hell and you will need it.
    Or, he could be guilty of something himself.
    yes I have question myself about that I think he feels guilty of something, I have ask him many times are you seeing someone do you have someone else in life his answer is always no I am seeing a psychiatrist just started yesterday love to see a marriage counselor too,I've told my psychiatrist about it and she honestly believe that he's the 1 with the problem she thinks he has some type of paranoia. I just wish there was something I could do so he could get over it I took the blame thinking that it was going to make it better but it's actually worse,I know he's not going to admit he has a problem he is not going to see a psychiatrist. He said I needed to help. Is it anything I could do to make him believe that I will not do it again even though I know I did not do anything. Is there's anything I could do or say to him so he could get over it or should I just wait and time will tell.
  • Jul 11, 2012, 04:05 PM
    Homegirl 50
    No, there is nothing you can do. The problem is him.
    It is good you are seeing a Psychiatrist. If it gets really unbearable with him, if he becomes abusive emotional verbally or physically, you might need to leave.
  • Jul 11, 2012, 04:59 PM
    diah
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    No, there is nothing you can do. The problem is him.
    It is good you are seeing a Psychiatrist. If it gets really unbearable with him, if he becomes abusive emotional verbally or physically, you might need to leave.
    I think it's already there I feel emotionally drained. I'm already mentally verbally abused any type of abuse you think of I am going through it. Except for physical.one time I got physical with him I no that's not right but I'm just so angry and upset I feel like I love them and hate them at the same time I'm just so upset at him for accusing me of something I did not do. Thank you so much you have really help me. I know I'm in a very difficult relationship married with kids. So the onlything I can do is pray and hope things get better or back to normal. I know I look I'm not trying to be an angel. But in front of my husband I would not, I respect him love him
  • Jul 11, 2012, 05:03 PM
    Homegirl 50
    Keep up with your therapy and I wish you well.
  • Jul 11, 2012, 05:32 PM
    diah
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    Keep up with your therapy and I wish you well.
    thank you so much I appreciate every your help :) , a couple more question should I continue doing my duties as a wife like washing clothes cooking for him? " no sex" I always use to call him when I'm out for lunch and after work should I continue doing that or should I stop? Should I continue calling him baby that's what I will always call him he stop calling me baby so I stopped. Was that right or I should just continue being the person I am sweet caring loving with him.
  • Jul 11, 2012, 05:44 PM
    Homegirl 50
    As long as you are married to him, you need to do those wifely things, washing his clothes, cooking for him... If you are going to stay in the marriage, give it your all.
    If you no longer feel like doing anything for him, if the situation gets that bad, it's time to leave the marriage.
  • Jul 11, 2012, 06:00 PM
    diah
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    As long as you are married to him, you need to do those wifely things, washing his clothes, cooking for him... If you are going to stay in the marriage, give it your all.
    If you no longer feel like doing anything for him, if the situation gets that bad, it's time to leave the marriage.
    thank you so much I appreciate your help if I ever needyou for advice with the same problem or something different can you help me
  • Jul 11, 2012, 06:08 PM
    Homegirl 50
    I will try. Keep us posted.

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