Ask Me Help Desk - Breakup, moving on, NC and healing.

Breakup, moving on, NC and healing.

I will try to keep this short. Had a deeply emotional and passionate relationship with a girl. Broke up with her 3 weeks back. Reason we broke up was that we got into lot of arguments, some things more relevant than others, and the result was diminished attraction from her side and resentment on mine. We talked about it and agreed to call it a day. I said to her 'if you need me you know where to find me, I hope all your dreams come true' and she said 'I have nothing against u, I wish you the best in all you do'.

Fast forward 3 weeks after full NC and I saw her online, using an account that has only me as a contact, so I thought (yes, I feel silly for 'thinking') that it was her way of telling me she wanted to talk. So I said to her 'hi'. No response. I said 'hi hope you are ok'. She said 'yes, thanks'. I said 'well, nice seeing u' as a way to be polite, but she lashed out at me and said 'why do you ping me' to which I replied 'I’m being polite'. She then logged off and hasn’t logged on again after that for a day.

For the first time since we started seeing each other and after we broke up I am angry and hurt. I am not sure why, maybe I feel insulted. I was moving on quite well, have been on dates already, and now I feel miserable, even more than when we broke up. Somebody please tell me what to do, how I let go of this anger and hurt. Thanks for reading.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sayanaladka

i said to her 'if u need me u know where to find me, i hope all ur dreams come true'

All of these problems you're having, are all because of you. Notice what I quoted you on? This is how you're relationship ended. Telling her you're basically going to wait for her to come back. No wonder you so quickly ran back to her seeing her online like that. You just stirred the pot of past emotions and it's not a fun pot to stir. Let things settle again, and continue with NC forever. It didn't work out, accept it and move on. Stop dwindling in the past, and focus on the future.

Hi C0bra_M3nace, thanks for responding mate. I messaged her because she logged in on an account she uses only for me and she stayed online 3 days in a row. Evntually I thought she wanted me to say something, so I did. I know I shudnt analyse why she would do that, but - why would she do that?

Maybe she was talking to someone else.
It's over and done with. Keep reminding yourself of that. You will get over this.

I KNOW she doesn't have anyone else on that messenger account (dont ask me how), it's a account that is in use for no one else but me.
As for the fact that its over, I know its over, and I was moving on well until this 3 weeks later.

So why would she login for 3 days back to back?

I don't know. Maybe she didn't know she was logged on or just didn't notice it.
I do that sometimes. I have a couple of accounts that login when ever I am on line.

It's the past, stop dwelling on the past and look to the future.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I don't know. Maybe she didn't know she was logged on or just didn't notice it.
I do that sometimes. I have a couple of accounts that login when ever I am on line.

I wish this explanation was the right one, but I know it isn't, because she logs in invisible always on every account, she's done this for dogs years ever since I know her, then changes status to visible again IF she wants to talk, and when she logs off then changes it back to invisible for next time. Maybe she is playing games with my mind, and wants me to beg and plead with her which I refuse to. I guess only she knows why she did it, isn't it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by sayanaladka

i wish this explanation was the right one, but i know it isnt, because she logs in invisible always on every account, shes done this for dogs years ever since i know her, then changes status to visible again IF she wants to talk, and when she logs off then changes it back to invisible for next time. maybe she is playing games with my mind, and wants me to beg and plead with her which i refuse to. i guess only she knows why she did it, isnt it?

There you go again, trying to justify what she's doing. Stop. The more you force your mind to think about why, and what if the further backwards you go.

Stopppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp thinking about it and move on. Who knows why she did it, only her, but she's gone now so stop it for your sake.

Quote:

Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

There you go again, trying to justify what she's doing. Stop. The more you force your mind to think about why, and what if the further backwards you go.

Stopppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp thinking about it and move on. Who knows why she did it, only her, but she's gone now so stop it for your sake.

I was moving on well for 3 weeks, no email/txt/call nothing, deleted Facebook, avoided blank calls from private number (it was her), now this online dance, and back to square1. How do I erase her from mind?

All you can do is keep up what your were doing. You are back to square one, but that doesn't mean you can't keep going.

Leave here alone. It probably set her back too. An ex recently contacted me after 6 weeks of NC and it just pissed me off. Do both of you a favor and stay away.

Quote:

Originally Posted by here2assist

Leave here alone. It probably set her back too. An ex recently contacted me after 6 weeks of NC and it just pissed me off. Do both of you a favor and stay away.

6 weeks is a LONG time I think. We used to talk every day! :/ how long will it be before emotions subside (pls don't say - years)?

Not years, but it will happen.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Not years, but it will happen.

Thanks homegirl, when I am ready and when she is could be different, how do I know when she is ready?

You don't worry about her. You concentrate on you.
You don't talk to her until you're ready.
You two may drift and not be friends after this, That is not unheard of . A lot of "friends again" after a break up don't work.
But you just worry about getting over the hurt on your end.

You two talked every day after you ended things?? 6 weeks isn't long enough to fully move on. For me I felt better after a couple weeks. The 4th and 5th weeks were tough because enough time had passed where I started to miss the him. That being said I wrote a list of all the reasons he was not good for me and will often read that list. It's a good reinforcer not to get in touch. I would say it takes me about 4-6 months to completely move on. The emotions subside much quicker then that. Whenever any ex has gotten in touch I'm able to play it off cool, act neutral and not show any emotion.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You two may drift and not be friends after this

The sad part isn't the relationship, it's the 1 year of friendship we had before the 2 year relationship. I lost not just love but the closest friend I had. But then she lost me too. That makes me more sad.

Quote:

Originally Posted by here2assist

You two talked every day after you ended things??? I wrote a list of all the reasons he was not good for me and will often read that list. It's a good reinforcer not to get in touch. I would say it takes me about 4-6 months to completely move on. The emotions subside much quicker then that. Whenever any ex has gotten in touch I'm able to play it off cool, act neutral and not show any emotion.

I meant we used to talk every day for 2+yrs UNTIL we broke up. Even when we used to argue.I am doing te same thing, trying to notice what she lacked, and there is so much I am uncovering daily. However still all those tender feelings for her won't go away. It feels like it will never end.

Perhaps with time, after the pain is gone, the friendship will be missed and it can be repaired.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Perhaps with time, after the pain is gone, the friendship will be missed and it can be repaired.

I miss her being there to talk to most. Although I am fast losing feelings of love, I still care for her deeply, and that's not easy to drop.

Quote:

Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

All you can do is keep up what your were doing. You are back to square one, but that doesn't mean you can't keep going.

I'm doing NC, its painful, but I'm staying strong.