We have a problem.. Our sons new wife has moved out because she says my son's 7 year old daughter has ruined their marriage (of 1 year). She wrote him a text saying she "hates" the daughter, and will NEVER love her. She never wants to see her again etc. The step mom and my son have a baby also, she is18 months. Obviously the 7 year olds half sister. The step mom doesn't ever want the baby to be around her sister either. BTW the step mom is only 20. He is 26.

He started counseling for the family about a month ago. They had just started to touch on the parenting issues. This little seven year old is a typical little girl who has gone through a lot in the last 5 years. She of course will cry to get her way and is stubborn sometimes. I would say no more than any other normal little one. Maybe a little more active and needy because of ADHD. In general, a very sweet hearted and loving little girl.

My question is how do you handle something like this? How do you even respond to a "letter" such as the one he received? I was appalled to hear her talk about a child that way much less my granddaughter. He is not sure how to feel. And is almost making excuses about it because he loves her. Does anyone else believe she crossed the proverbial line by saying the things she did?? Am I over reacting?

Need some help here

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Originally Posted by chrismanonline

We have a problem.. Our sons new wife has moved out because she says my son's 7 year old daughter has ruined their marriage (of 1 year). She wrote him a text saying she "hates" the daughter, and will NEVER love her. She never wants to see her again etc... The step mom and my son have a baby also, she is 18 months. Obviously the 7 year olds half sister. The step mom doesnt ever want the baby to be around her sister either. BTW the step mom is only 20. He is 26. He started counseling for the family about a month ago....they had just started to touch on the parenting issues... This little seven year old is a typical little girl who has gone through a lot in the last 5 years.. she of course will cry to get her way.. and is stubbron sometimes... I would say no more than any other normal little one.. Maybe a little more active and needy because of ADHD.. In general, a very sweet hearted and loving little girl. My question is how do you handle something like this.. How do you even respond to a "letter" such as the one he received.. I was appalled to hear her talk about a child that way... much less my granddaughter.... He is not sure how to feel. and is almost making excuses about it because he loves her.. Does anyone else believe she crossed the proverbial line by saying the things she did..??? Am I over reacting? Need some help here

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You aren't going to like this but this is your son's problem, how to answer, what to say - not yours.

Yes, you are over reacting - primarily because, again, it's your son's problem. I realize you are the Grandmother but perhaps you are too involved.

I find this level of "hatred" (if that's the word) toward a 7-year old child to be rather over the top without good reason - crying to get her way doesn't seem to be good reason and not wanting the 7-year old around the baby? Clearly over the top. Do you know why? How "active and needy" is the child?

This is clearly a young girl with a baby, 20 years old with a 7 year old stepchild? Where is your son's first wife, the child's mother?

If she's 20 and the baby is 18 months the new wife was probably 17 (?) when she got pregnant? She herself is emotionally a child.

I'm a 5 times stepmother - your view as the Grandmother may not be totally how the children behave when they are in the presence of the stepmother.

I agree, it's not your matter, let him handle his own parenting issues. She is probably mad at him and wanted to hurt him with words. Let her be and let him handle his life. What did YOUR son do to make her upset at him? Step parenting is hard and your son should not have been sleeping with such a young girl in the first place! If she said that about the his daughter, she might be mad at him he might be a jerk and she want's to move on so encourage her too and encourage your son to break up with her. Tell him to start using protection also.

Stay out of your kids business grand ma, I mean all the way out. They will figure it out, together or apart. We may be more experienced with kids, but we are also prejudiced in favor of our own.

Love and support, sure, interference, NEVER. Somebody's got to keep a cool head here, guess who that has to be?