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-   -   Should I leave or stay in a relationship that isn't going anywhere? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=68002)

  • Mar 2, 2007, 10:05 AM
    amanda13087
    Should I leave or stay in a relationship that isn't going anywhere?
    My boyfriend Kenny(24)and I(20) have been together 5 months and living together 4, It seems like we are stuck, It doesnt seem like he can see it going any farther, I would love to be with him for a really long time but he seems hung up over his ex-fiance of 6 yrs, they broke up 2 yrs ago but they have a baby together and it seems like verytime he critisizes me he compares me to her, he wont say I love you and says he doesnt trust women bc they all cheat and lie, I think this bc of her she cheated and didnt know if the baby was his untill recently. He also says he is never getting married for that reason, I am not too worried about the marriage thing because he treats me well and I know he likes me but it is almost like he thinks it is wrong to like me bc he was with her for so long. He hasn't even told his parents about me yet(they live far away as well as his ex and daughter) I talk to him about these things but he says he will always love his ex but he isnt in love with her anymore, he says he can't tell his mom about me bc she is very critical and they arn't close. But if what I am feeling is true about him wanting his ex back or not really wanting me around then why wont he tell me? I would be sad yes, but I would be able to move on bc I wouldn't feel like I am making a rash decision to break up with him.
  • Mar 2, 2007, 10:38 AM
    alizeblu
    Heh reminds me of someone, look miss, forget about everything for a moment,just take one moment. Go to a silent quiet place and reflect, think about everything you've been through with him and ask yourself, "is he what i really want?" trust me if you still love him you would do anything to make it work. But you both have to let go of the past! If he's not strong enough to let go then what's the point! Things are just going to keep coming up and eventually you going to be back in the same position. Just talk to him help him! Don't walk away keep trying never give up! If he loves you turst me, he's willing to work with you, but if he doesn't, and if he keeps seeing your flaws and won't take all of you including your mistakes, let go yourself. You just got to, there's no point in continuing to hurt yourself.
  • Mar 2, 2007, 11:47 AM
    kp2171
    I think he has hang ups that are impeding the relationship.

    You aren't wrong for feeling anything... you feel what you feel.

    I don't think it's a bad place you for to step away. He is just not showing signs of wanting to be in a long term commitment. If that's OK with you, then stay.

    I don't think all relationships need to be headed toward marriage. I do think, however, when one person feels the relationship is stuck and its not enough, that its time to step back.

    I dated a girl for 7 years. 2 HS, college, one year out. All but married. Crashed and burned. Took several years for me to get my head right. He might be in the same place.

    You might be more emotionally mature and steady. No shame in knowing this isn't enough. Only you can make that call.

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