Ask Me Help Desk - Really Confused And my In securities are pushing girlfriend away

Been dating my current girlfriend for 6 months, and everything has been amazing. We have discussed everything from engagement rings to type of houses.
She has recently been away for two weeks with work, and I missed her so so much, so much so that it really upset me more than I could believe.
Since she has been back I have been clingy and upset her by my mood, feeling she has not needed me ! She said today to give her space and time and let her bo OK. But panicking just feel everything I do and say makes it worse ( Ihad acted like a fool and kept asking was everything OK continously), she said sometimes she may not want to see me and that's not bad. Agree with that and just feel down and this has resulted in the worst week ever, wish I could go back and undo it all and start the week a fresh.
Please give me advice.

It is very simple and at least you understand now before it is too late. Stop asking her questions all the time on why she is feeling this way or acting this way. You don't need to get overly excited about picking out engagement rings or we will get married in the future. That is why people are heartbroken, they put up unrealistic expectations way too soon.

You may say but the girl brings it up, I just talk about it once it is brought up. That is garbage, so many people on this site have done the same thing you were and could picture themselves walking down the aisle. And now they are broken up and trying to move on. You love this girl and she loves you too. Just let her be, don't call her all the time and text her and worry when you aren't together.

If you don't have anything to do when she is not with you then there are more problems then you and her which is the main problem. The problem I see is with YOU and only YOU can fix it. You need to find hobbies, things to do where when she wants time for herself she won't feel bad and ruin her plans because she knows you are doing something with your time. GET BUSY!! Don't be her therapist or her girlfriend. Make her laugh, make her want to be with you because you are fun and make her happy, not bring her down and make her want space. Fix this now or else. But after reading people's responses don't even talk about this with her, don't mention it, don't bring up that you understand what she needs and wants, because you will never know.

All you need to do is just have fun, enjoy your time together, and enjoy your time apart. If you can incorporate all those things you will have a good relationship. Think if the roles were reversed, she doesn't need to know everything about you. Be a mystery.

And don't jump ahead to the future too soon or pretty soon you will be wishing you could go back to the Past

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vienna111

Been dating my current girlfriend for 6 months, and everything has been amazing. We have discussed everything from engagement rings to type of houses.
She has recently been away for two weeks with work, and I missed her so so much, so much so that it really upset me more than I could belive.
Since she has been back I have been clingy and upset her by my mood, feeling she has not needed me ! She said today to give her space and time and let her bo OK. But panicking just feel everything I do and say makes it worse ( Ihad acted like a fool and kept asking was everything OK continously), she said sometimes she may not want to see me and thats not bad. Agree with that and just feel down and this has resulted in the worst week ever, wish I could go back and undo it all and start the week a fresh.
Please give me advice.

Senci I had this problem once before maybe it's not working out. Imean my brother and his girl broke up after two yrs because it didn't work out

Thanks a lot, you offer very sound advice. I have never been lonely or confused but always a first for everything!
Will take you advice and allow her to make the move and fingers crossed my own stupidity for this week will become nothing more.
Once again thank you

Thanks a lot, you offer very sound advice. I have never been lonely or confused but always a first for everything!
Will take you advice and allow her to make the move and fingers crossed my own stupidity for this week will become nothing more.
Once again thank you

That was to Nohitter410

Any other advice guys, new to this and could really do with the help, please

Look there really isn't an answer to your problems because there really is never an definitive answer for this. You just can't stress and play what ifs and try to predict and plan everything in the future and what you need to do here.

What you need to do is learn from your mistakes and figure out what is destructive to the relationship without jeaopardizing yourself and what you are about. That is all there is to it, don't just change and adjust just to make this work but at the same time you need to realize she is only apart of your life, and it is only what you make it. She may be the one calling you and asking to hang out all the time and making sure she occupies all your time but it takes two to make things happen and you can always be busy, you don't need to be at her beckon call all the time. Have other friends, I am assuming you are young. WHy rush now and jump 10 or 20 years into the future. Think about people that are married they are happy but that is because they are now at the point in their life where they want to settle down and raise a family, you in my opinion like most of us aren't ready for that so just have fun enjoy your life and every step of the way and take memories along the way. She is one woman, one small small part of your life. You need to just enjoy what your life brings and that will help you understand that she may be perfect for you or a great girl but she is just one person and if one person can control how you think, sleep eat, and how you work your schedule around to make one person happy that isn't the way to go.

Sometimes the woman is the reason the guy smothers the girl but you just need to understand that if you can always stay a step behind her and just make her just love being with you because you make her happy, she will miss you that much more when you give her the space. When she never has time away, it will make her want time away and wonder what it is like.

Sometimes we call what we fear to ourselves in order to have the opportunity to go through it and learn its not something worth fearing. You fear losing her and so you do the very things that will help you to lose her. If you can manage to convince yourself that while losing her will be hard, it is doable, it is survivable... then it may be possible for you to loosen your death grip a bit in this. Don't fool yourself into thinking if only xxx would happen, then you'll be more secure -- this does not solve from the outside in like that.

Look inside you, find you and know that you really are okay... with or without her.

By the way... fearing losing her is not the same as loving her either. Food for thought.

Thank you nohitter, not that young 30! And nothing worse than feeling you have caused your own problems, but your advice make clear sense and has made me think long and hard.

The way to a woman's heart is to be busy being you.

let her comfortably get as close as she dares/desires to what you are - that thing that gets you out of bed in the morning - to share: a great mind, a great conversationalist, a great athlete, a great dad, whatever you are - while making her feel special at the same time. And recognizing what makes her special at the same time. She does not need an explanation of your greatness or ever any questions that undermine her value. She just wants to know she can do anything in your captivating world - even go away and come back.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vienna111

Been dating my current girlfriend for 6 months, and everything has been amazing. We have discussed everything from engagement rings to type of houses.

That’s kind of scary. It’s way to soon to get caught up in that. That’s the kind of thing that can scare or turn off a woman. If you begin to push things like that too soon you could scare her away. By discussing those things so early it makes her think your insecure because you need someone.

I’m not saying not to discuss it if she brings it up, but don’t initiate those long term conversations.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vienna111

She has recently been away for two weeks with work, and I missed her so so much, so much so that it really upset me more than I could belive.

What upset you about it? Do you mean you just missed her or was it something else?

In any relationship time apart HELPS the relationship. Time apart allows the individuals to stengthen themselves and also miss the other party. It’s said the greatest tool in love is the mind, but you can’t let her use it to imagine you if your around her all the time. Space is good for you in any relationship.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vienna111

Since she has been back I have been clingy and upset her by my mood, feeling she has not needed me !

But that’s just it. She wants to need you, not feel like she’s forced to need you. There’s a huge difference. You have to be like a rock for her. Strong and solid. Needing her and worse yet, feeling that you need her is not the rock she wants.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vienna111

She said today to give her space and time and let her bo OK.

Sorry I didn’t quite get this. Was this meant overall or just in the confines of the relationship. If it’s in the relationship then you have to give her a lot of credit. She’s telling you what she wants and not making you guess. If it’s overall then back off for awhile and give her that chance to miss you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vienna111

But panicking just feel everything I do and say makes it worse ( Ihad acted like a fool and kept asking was everything OK continously),

Ouch!! Yeah I think you knew not too or learned from this not to do that. By constantly asking her that only leads her to believe there is. Also it’s annoying.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vienna111

she said sometimes she may not want to see me and thats not bad. Agree with that and just feel down and this has resulted in the worst week ever, wish I could go back and undo it all and start the week a fresh.
Please give me advice.

Dude, it’ one week. We all have bad days, weeks, and months. Don’t beat yourself up over all this. It’s how well you do over the long haul that matters. But she’s right you’ve got to pull back and not be so dependent on her. She needs to be dependent on you. Remember she’s a woman and women want men. They don’t want other women and when you start getting to emotional you become just another girlfriend to her. She can call any one the girls and talk about emotional stuff. She’s got you there to be a rock.