I'm not sure what to do. I know my girlfriend has been in contact with her estranged husband more than I would like. They have two children together and I understand that the communication line has to stay open for their sake, However my girlfriend guards her phone like it's a crown jewel or something. I can't even ask to borrow it without her being right over my shoulder and watching everything I do. I asked her last night if it's because she thinks I will read her texts and she said yes. She doesn't want me on her phone because she doesn't want me to read the texts between her and her ex or text him. I told her I would never text him, but couldn't understand why I wasn't allowed to read the texts. Is there something on there you don't want me to see? Are you hiding something? Of course she said no and that it made her sick that I would even ask. This just made me suspicious though. Especially since I already snuck a quick peak and she lied about what I claimed I saw. How do I confront her without her turning it around and me looking like the bad guy?

I can think because they are private and none of your business, Married for years and I would not have my wife reading my text. There is personal space, in fact you wanting and asking about it, would normally be enough to make them think about breaking up in my book.

I agree with Chuck. You have no business to read, or to expect to read, her texts.

In doing so, you are looking for 'evidence' that something is going on with her ex, to justify your suspicions. Why not just tell her you don't trust her, and why.

You have no business reading her text. Maybe her ex is telling her things that are personal, that he does not want anyone to know.
If you don't trust her, tell her, but keep your nose out of her texts.

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

I agree with Chuck. You have no business to read, or to expect to read, her texts.

In doing so, you are looking for 'evidence' that something is going on with her ex, to justify your suspicions. Why not just tell her you don't trust her, and why.

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I agree it is none of my business and I hate myself to a degree for looking, but when I read what I did and she out flat denies it and lies to me is why I am at odds... I mean if you knew for a fact that your bf/gf was lying to you via this way and they tried to cover it up by deleting texts and then showing it to you or just plain saying it never took place then what?

Then you decide if you trust her enough to have a conversation and work things out or not.
Is she divorced from her husband or just separated and how long have they been estranged? How long have you two been together?

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Then you decide if you trust her enough to have a conversation and work things out or not.
Is she divorced from her husband or just separated and how long have they been estranged? How long have you two been together?

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They have been living apart, her with me ,for almost four months now. She didn't have any place to go until then when I could afford to rent a place for us and the kids. She stayed in a room though and made him take the living room for almost a year though. She never left him in the bed and somehow made two houses out of one. We have known each other for over ten years now. Actually had plans to get married, but life took us in different directionsfor about 8 years. I am still madly in love with her, but don't know what to do about the secrecy. Yes she is still married to her husband and says she will divorce when she us ready. I've made up my mind not to push her on this, but to also set a time in which for it to happen for myself. I'm not giving her a date or anything that she must be divorced by though. I'm not telling her about it at all. Its just a time frame that I'm keeping to myself and will make a decision when I get to it whether I should stay or go,. I don't know. Its hard to write out what I Want to say.. I'm just so confused and hurt. I know looking at her texts was wrong. You will not deny that. But does the fact that you came across what I did, how I did, just cancel out the fact that she is lying to me? I mean, its like saying," babe, I got in your phone and read your texts. I know you are not with me 100%. I know you have been hiding a lot from me..." and then she says," yea well, u snuck on my phone without permission and invaded my privacy so it doesn't count." Idk...

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Originally Posted by oklahoma1979

Yes she is still married to her husband and says she will divorce when she us ready.

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Oh man...

It doesn't bother you that she's still married and that she moved in with you only because it was convenient to do so, not because she wanted to? Don't you see these as huge red flags? Causing a fight over deleted texts will end the relationship sooner rather than later.

Whether she's texting her ex behind your back is the least of your worries, and given the fact they've literally been separated—living in a different room under the same roof doesn't count—for four months explains exactly why she's doing that. You have unrealistic expectations.

They have only been separated four months. There is still a lot there and having her stay with you is just asking for trouble. She says she will divorce when she is ready. Does she know how you feel about her?
She needs to be in her own place or, if she is texting so much with her husband, back in the marital home and working on their problems.
She needs to not be living with you.