Ask Me Help Desk - Emotional scars from childhood

I've had emotional scars for at least 8 years now. When I was a little kid, I was very bossy and annoying. It was because I was a natural born leader and on top of that, I have a tendency to know how things should go, it bothers me if it doesn't line up right or whatever. So I'm sure you can imagine the kind of little kid I was. Well there were several older girls I really admired, and one night, 2 of them came up to me and asked me to come and hang out with them. I gladly followed them outside, only to find out that they were leading me into a circle of 10-20 older kids, all between 1 and 3/4 years older than me I think, who proceeded to yell at me for the next half hour or so and tell me how horrible I was and how much they all hated me, until someone told an adult and I was "rescued."

Imagine how emotionally damaging that is to a 7 or 8 year old little kid. To this day it affects me. Now on one level it was something I needed to hear, but not in that way. Today I am really close to some of the people in that circle, but you can see the damage in many ways. For one thing, I am super shy and insecure around strangers or people I don't know very well. Even with my friends it take a while to really open up to them. I am scared to tell people no, so that ends up with me doing a lot for people that I really don't have time to do. Even with my BFF, I never want to tell her no, even when I don't have time to do whatever it is or when I really just don't want to. I am super insecure, even though I try to hide it. I am a very loud outgoing person with people I know, but even a lot of them don't know that under that is a very insecure girl. Everything I hear gets to me. I pick up on a lot people don't think I know or hear about.

So I guess my question is does anyone have any suggestions as to how to get over this and to be able to not let people get to me? Because I'm tired of being the way I am and I want to be able to be me, but I'm afraid. I am desperately afraid of rejection. And I also have trust issues. If someone blows it with me, I don't really trust them again. So. Any suggestions I would be grateful for

I hope this doesn't sound harsh, because I am sympathetic. But from the 3rd sentence I felt sort of annoyed myself. The most intelligent, knowledgeable people I admire aren't bossy and annoying, and a 'natural born leader' can be quite gentle and pleasant, leading others with compliments (a la Norman Vincent Peale). Although being circled by older kids and yelled at must have hurt your pride, no one physically hurt you, and you can learn from the event rather than treat it as a wound. You have friends. You have a BFF. It's possible that people were trying to tell you all along how annoying you were and you didn't hear it. It's possible that without that event, you might be totally friendless and clueless now. Tell your BFF how scared you are to say no, but say it in a way that doesn't demand anything.
You are still young (16? 17?) and you will find that unpleasant events can make you a better, more sensitive person, understanding of others who may be going through what you went through.

Joypulv,
I understand what you're saying, and mostly agree with it. I guess when I was little what I mean by bossy is things like I wanted to play a certain game or I wanted people to listen to what I was saying... and I don't know. I don't want to get defensive because I want to be open to what you are saying. And I guess what I am trying to say is that I wasn't trying for this to be a "ohmigosh look what happened to me and I didn't deserve it and blahblahblah" post, because I did need to be told that, yes. What I'm trying to say is now I am a very different person and I have issues I need to work through and I'm not sure where to start. But the issues started with that event, so I was trying to explain it. And honestly, the damage wasn't really a pride thing, it just made me second guess myself constantly and I'm very insecure now. So that's what I was really trying to ask about if that makes any sense?

Have you ever heard of Psych-K? It was originated by a therapist named Rob Williams. What you are experiencing is the bad memories, probably in your subconscious mind. With traditional therapy, it is extremely difficult to change the program in your subconscious mind. However, with Psych-K, you can erase it within a few minutes and write another program in your subconscious mind.

Only last month was I exposed to Psych-K. It is a wonderful modality. I suggest you Google psych-K and look for a basic workshop in/near your zipcode. With two days and a few hundred dollars, you will get rid of painful memories. It is really cheap for the long-term sufferings that people have to endure everyday.

I myself have taken both the basic and the advanced workshop. I have witnessed two miracles. One was a lady who was sexually harassed when she was young. With Psych-K, she got rid of the awful feeling right away. Then, I witnessed a Vietnam War veteran. He got rid of the hatred towards VietCong (VC). Miracles, I repeat. Good luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jer2911

I've had emotional scars for at least 8 years now. When I was a little kid, I was very bossy and annoying. It was because I was a natural born leader and on top of that, I have a tendency to know how things should go, it bothers me if it doesn't line up right or whatever. So I'm sure you can imagine the kind of little kid I was. Well there were several older girls I really admired, and one night, 2 of them came up to me and asked me to come and hang out with them. I gladly followed them outside, only to find out that they were leading me into a circle of 10-20 older kids, all between 1 and 3/4 years older than me I think, who proceeded to yell at me for the next half hour or so and tell me how horrible I was and how much they all hated me, until someone told an adult and I was "rescued."

imagine how emotionally damaging that is to a 7 or 8 year old little kid. To this day it affects me. Now on one level it was something I needed to hear, but not in that way. Today I am really close to some of the people in that circle, but you can see the damage in many ways. For one thing, I am super shy and insecure around strangers or people I don't know very well. Even with my friends it take a while to really open up to them. I am scared to tell people no, so that ends up with me doing a lot for people that I really don't have time to do. Even with my BFF, I never want to tell her no, even when I don't have time to do whatever it is or when I really just don't want to. I am super insecure, even though I try to hide it. I am a very loud outgoing person with people I know, but even a lot of them don't know that under that is a very insecure girl. Everything I hear gets to me. I pick up on a lot people don't think I know or hear about.

So I guess my question is does anyone have any suggestions as to how to get over this and to be able to not let people get to me? Because I'm tired of being the way I am and I want to be able to be me, but I'm afraid. I am desperately afraid of rejection. And I also have trust issues. If someone blows it with me, I don't really trust them again. So. Any suggestions I would be grateful for

Quote:

Originally Posted by Watterlillies

Have you ever heard of Psych-K? It was originated by a therapist named Rob Williams. What you are experiencing is the bad memories, probably in your subconscious mind. With traditional therapy, it is extremely difficult to change the program in your subconscious mind. However, with Psych-K, you can erase it within a few minutes and write another program in your subconscious mind.

Only last month was I exposed to Psych-K. It is a wonderful modality. I suggest you google psych-K and look for a basic workshop in/near your zipcode. With two days and a few hundred dollars, you will get rid of painful memories. It is really cheap for the long-term sufferings that people have to endure everyday.

I myself have taken both the basic and the advanced workshop. I have witnessed two miracles. One was a lady who was sexually harassed when she was young. With Psych-K, she got rid of the awful feeling right away. Then, I witnessed a Vietnam War veteran. He got rid of the hatred towards VietCong (VC). Miracles, I repeat. Good luck.

Ok, thank you, I will check that out and see what I can find