First published: May 11, 2012

Being a mother is by far in my life the most important and rewarding thing I have ever done. It is also the hardest thing I have ever done and continue to do. I remember asking my mother years ago what her greatest achievements were. First on her list was being a mother. I didn’t think much of her answer, and, in fact, I thought it was a little lame. But that was before I became a mother.

It is funny what you pass along from your own mother when you parent your children. For me, it is fear of all the things that could go wrong. My mother told me stuff, dumb stuff–like if I played with my bellybutton, I’d get cancer. Imagine the reaction I got when I once told a doctor that! I felt like an idiot. Well, because I want so much to keep my boys safe, I’m sure I too have passed on “dumb stuff.”

I didn’t know this, but my boys had a fear of fans. I told them not to touch them because their fingers would be cut off. I must not have specified what kind of fan, and they assumed ceiling fans were included. Who knows? I may have told them ceiling fans could kill them. Just yesterday one of the neighborhood boys came over and raised his hands close to the ceiling fan. Both boys freaked out and told him his hand could be sliced up if he touched it. He looked at them bored and then touched the spinning fan. Both of my boys were amazed he could touch it and were miffed I had told them such a thing and worse yet, they had believed me. Hey, what do I know? That’s what MY mom told me. I was just as surprised. Isn’t this my job as a mom? I am supposed to keep them safe…right?

Well, other than the fan, I couldn’t instill any fear in my boys because, well … they are boys. One that comes to mind is jawbreakers. They are slippery and can slide right down a person’s throat. Despite my warnings, my sons love to suck on jawbreakers, then deliberately take them out and put them back into their mouths while I’m watching. This drives me crazy. It is a type of torment for me. They know that and enjoy it.

I broke a glass the other day. It shattered on the kitchen floor just as my 14 year old started to walk into the room. I looked at him very seriously and told him I had just broken a glass and I was trying to clean it up. He nodded his head in understanding and then proceeded to mumble under his breath something about taking off his shoes and walking into the kitchen for a snack. My head snapped up and I looked at him like he didn’t have good sense. He just grinned ear to ear.

I could go on and on with all of the boy things they did and still continue to do to freak me out. But the biggest fear of my life was when my boys made me proudest to be their mother.

Recently my own parents’ lives stood in the balance. My mother had made it through her health issues, but my father was not doing well. But my boys were by me the entire time. Looking up Bible verses to encourage me and holding my parents’ hands as they lay in hospital beds, it dawned on me that these two precious boys, despite their antics, know how to love. This is something I have had to learn; it’s not something everyone can do, but my boys love like fish swim. For this I am grateful and utterly proud.

Yes, my boys drive me crazy, and I don’t see it stopping in the near future. But I hold on to the verse found in the Bible. It says that the Lord has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. I guess the next thing my boys can help me tackle is that bit about a sound mind.