I know this girl, and she's absolutely amazing. She's pretty, funny, smart, and we have been friends for 5 or 6 years. Well, I'm basically in love with her, and she knows it. I told her, and she just wants to be friends. Well, now I'm in hell. She only likes me as a friend, and now her best friend is trying to hook her up with another guy (who has apparently been to jail) but that's OK, because (as her friend says) "hes nice now" she doesn't want a boyfriend at the moment, but still hearing the two of them talk about this other dude is physically painful. (it actually hurts me) what's more is she showed interest in me recently. We kissed, but then later she tells me that she "thought she wanted something, but realized she thought it was a bad idea." well I told her that I basically love her (I haven't actually said I love you yet, but she gets that I love her) well, now I don't know what to to do. I don't want anyone but her. Please. HELP ME.

If she said she doesn't feel the same way, then kissed you, then said she didn't want anything from it, it seems she is leading you on. You can either wait for her to feel the same way about you, which may never happen, or you can get on with your life and find someone new. If you try and force yourself on her you'll ruin your friendship. My friend had this guy who kept telling her he loved her, but she didn't feel the same way, and she ended up playing him, cause she was relying on him to love her and she took it too far. This could happen with you guys, which would be a real shame cause you sound like good friends. Try thr friendship thing, and if things start to look up, try asking her out. But don't get your hopes up. I did once, and it really hurts and I ended up hurting a lot of people. Hope this helps.

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Originally Posted by emoXpixxie

If she said she doesn't feel the same way, then kissed you, then said she didn't want anything from it, it seems she is leading you on. You can either wait for her to feel the same way about you, which may never happen, or you can get on with your life and find someone new. If you try and force yourself on her you'll ruin your friendship. My friend had this guy who kept telling her he loved her, but she didn't feel the same way, and she ended up playing him, cause she was relying on him to love her and she took it too far. This could happen with you guys, which would be a real shame cause you sound like good friends. Try thr friendship thing, and if things start to look up, try asking her out. But don't get your hopes up. i did once, and it really hurts and I ended up hurting a lot of people. Hope this helps.

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Well, a new development came up. She had a friend of hers call me and let me in on something. Her best friend thinks me and her would be perfect, and has been trying to hook us up. Thing is, she's feeling pressured by her. So she had her friend tell me about that and tell me to "try a different tactic'', which says that she has some feelings for me after all. But I do agree, this is a dangerous territory. However, I've never really been one to settle for a halfway point.

What... The girl you like, who knows you like her too, asked her best friend to call you and say "try a different tactic" after you've been telling her how you feel??
That's a dirty game... She's getting her thrills of you spilling your feelings out for her, it makes her feel good to hear how much you care for her and she doesn't want it to stop... she wants to hear more and more about... how much you care... how wonderful she is... It's too bad for you that's all she wants...

This is a hard thing to come to terms with, especially when we're blinded by love, but if she wanted YOU and the whole package, she wouldn't be asking you to come up with new tactics for your sweet words and wonderful compliments, you'd already be with her.

Maybe it's best to just remain friends with her and seek a girlfriend who won't play mind games with you. You've already said that this is starting to physically hurt you. Taking her actions into account now, say things don't work out, have you thought about how bad that will hurt?
A future relationship with this girl may be possible, but my feelings on the matter is, if she was ready for one now, you two would be together based on the amount of time you've been friends.

Kae

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Originally Posted by djet

i know this girl, and shes absolutely amazing. shes pretty, funny, smart, and we have been friends for 5 or 6 years. well, i'm basically in love with her, and she knows it. i told her, and she just wants to be friends. well, now i'm in hell. she only likes me as a friend, and now her best friend is trying to hook her up with another guy (who has apparently been to jail) but thats ok, because (as her friend says) "hes nice now" she doesn't want a boyfriend at the moment, but still hearing the two of them talk about this other dude is physically painful. (it actually hurts me) whats more is she showed interest in me recently. we kissed, but then later she tells me that she "thought she wanted something, but realized she thought it was a bad idea." well i told her that i basically love her (i haven't actually said i love you yet, but she gets that i love her) well, now i don't know what to to do. i don't want anyone but her. please. HELP ME.

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I agree with what kae has to say... yes for awile she liked you but feelings often change and in this case her's did maybe she has some feelings for you but wasn't feeling like she wanted to be in a real relationship so she wants to stay friends staying friends isn't bad I mena it probably won't be forever if she cared a lot about you once she can again... just stay her friend don't tell her how much you care about her yeah they say girls like to be chased but telling the girl you love her still well that's alitle far I think if you two are friends don't make things worse let her come to you she will relize what a great boyfriend you were and eventually want to be with you even if you hook up with another girl which I know will be hard but she will get jelous for sure jelous maybe that will make her relize that she wants to be with you but stay friends don't go chasing her when she isn't putting in any work back because your just going to get more hurt give friends a shot

This just gets more and more confusing. I found out that I've got friends trying to get us together, and others trying to stop it from happening. And her best friend is completely against it. (then again, she's always been against me whenever I like anyone. Hmm... ) I don't know who is on my side or against me. And she's not the manipulative type.

Sounds like there are too many people in the relationship, even if it remains nothing more than a friendship. My suggestion is that you talk to her privately, tell her that you don't want all these other people involved in what is between the two of you, and to deal with you directly from now on. Let her know that your feelings for her are not a game and are the real deal, and that you would appreciate her removing herself from the pressures of friends on both sides of this "issue" of whether to date you, and come up with her own answer. If she can't do that, she is not up to your level of maturity. Girls who's friends make their decisions regarding their relationships with oher people are not ready for committed relationships with guys who are trying to be honest and to behave like grown men.

Well, I talked to her, and she told me that she had real feelings for me. Now I realize what's was the matter. She has commitment issues. (which is bizarre because usually it's the guy who has those issues. Ironic.) her last boyfriend caused her an ungodly amount of serious problems, and it really hurt her badly. (shes had to attend therapy sessions because of him) so its understandable that she afraid to date again. She knows I'm nothing like that (god forbid I find out what his name is) but still, she is afraid. She hasn't dated in three years.I understand her problem.


theres something in the way she moves

take it slowly then if u no she has feelings 4u! Ask if she wants 2 go out sum time maybe a group of u or if the 2 of u go 4 pizza or something! Neva take a girl 2 cinema on 1st date, because your both sat there an don't get a chance to talk!
x

Gentleness is a must here and taking it extremely slow with her so you don't scare her off... DO NOT get pushy or even call her everyday, she will let you know when she is ready to take things a step further until then don't make any rash moves.
Good luck and I do hope you both end up happy together :)

Your not the only one.

It's great that you are so understanding of her circumstances. As you are just starting with her, perhaps its too early to expect a commitment anyway. Don't set expectations - just treat one another well, take it slow, don't pressure her and listen to what she tells you. Sometimes people get so caught up in discussing their relationship, they forget to simply have one. Don't discuss things to death - just find some fun stuff to do together, spend time with other people around you so it's not constant intense focus on the "relationship" and enjoy life. If you have a great time together, you'll naturally be drawn to do the things that will make it work.

Pretend to only be a friend to say in her circle. If you love her and are willing to wait being in her circle will afford you the opportunity to strike at he percice time to make it happen. If not then leave her and wait for her to come to you. Life is too short to waste there are a lot of women in this world.

I don't give a rats how many women there are out there. I only want her. Its just so hard to just sit back and wait. Whenever her friend tries to get her to meet other guys, it physically hurts me. (even though her friends taste in men is notoriously bad, and the girl I love is smart enough to know to never trust her friend about men). It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I don't know what to do anymore. I love her, and she doesn't see me as a potential boyfriend, only as a friend. Its driving me up th wall. What am I supposed to do?