There has to be something wrong with me. Every single person who I have met at school hates me, and I don't even know why. I am sad all the time. You barely ever see me smiling. I feel that my life is a complete disaster. I am 12 and I am already saying that. Everything I do is wrong. I don't trust anyone, not even my family. My anxiety level is seriously high. The weird part is, I don't know what caused me to act like this. I am in danger of crying every waking moment. I barely sleep, and when I do I cry through it. I hate myself. I hate every single one of my features. I think about the worst case scenarios all the time, I just can't tell myself. I don't tell my family anything, they think I do, but honestly they don't know me at all. Everyone says I have serious issues and should go to therapy, but I don't want to. Is there something wrong with me? What is wrong with me? What should I do?

You have NUMEROUS threads about your suicidal boyfriend, your weirdness, your unhappiness, being an outcast. PLEASE stop opening new threads.

Here's what you've got open PLUS what you've answered: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental...o-675122.html; https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/womens...t-675488.html; https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental...what-should-do

Moderator!

You are such a mean person. Stop looking at every single one of my posts and leave me alone. I already got that you hate me, you definitely show it by yelling at me enough. You may be an adult but I got rights. I can open as many friends as I like. You shouldn't care anyway. If you do well I don't know what to say about that. Apparently you are finding it enjoyable to look at every one of my posts and make your comments about each of them. If you don't like it then just leave me alone. I don't know what I did to you, I don't know why you think you have the right to control me because I am 12, and I don't know why you are bothering. You are just like everyone else.. MEAN

If everyone is mean to you - which you keep posting - maybe it's you and not the rest of the World.

You think I'm yelling at you - where do you see that? I don't know what this means - " can open as many friends as i like" If you are talking about opening threads, no, you can't. The whole story should be in one place. How can anyone possibly advise you when they have no idea what else you've posted? I particularly was surprised by the "pregnant at 12" thread. This is troubling.

Then, "[I'm] just like everyone else.. MEAN." Again, maybe it's you - ?

You already have your answer. You were advised to seek professonal help. Instead of doing that you persist in asking the same "What's wrong with me" question over and over. You don't want to go to therapy but you want to know what's wrong with you. Numerous posts are not going to elicit different answers.

No one here knows. We may have our ideas ... but we don't know. You posted you were going to see a Physician? Did you?

So go for therapy before being an outcast, miserable at 12, turns into being a miserable teen and a miserable adult. You CAN change things.

If you are an outcast at 12 BUT getting involved with boys, afraid you are pregnant, you have a possibly sad future ahead of you. At some point boys will use you and girls will laugh at you. You will be the girl who is a sex aid for the boys. Smarten up!

Your parents should also be aware that a search of your name reveals: "child model nikki 7347 lolita nymphets 12 y.o. Preteen Pictures Ilegal :[[ cute little redhead... " - is this you?

Get help.

Your right it is me. By the way what do you expect from a 12 year old? What do you expect from me? Please tell me. You are right I don't want to go to therapy, I don't want to face it, no one does. Look I am just a scared kid, that is all I am. A scared kid with tons of issues. I know no one here knows, all I want to know is what people think. Since you know so much about me, tell me a bit about you. Because really I know nothing about you.

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Originally Posted by Nikki7347

your right it is me. By the way what do you expect from a 12 year old? What do you expect from me? Please tell me. You are right i don't want to go to therapy, i don't want to face it, no one does. Look i am just a scared kid, that is all i am. A scared kid with tons of issues. i know no one here knows, all i want to know is what people think. since you know so much about me, tell me a bit about you. because really i know nothing about you.

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What do you want to know about me? Everyone is scared. Something scares everyone. I expect you to take the advice that is given to you. Opening new threads changes nothing. No one wants to go into therapy... except for the people who want to change. What you're doing (which appears to be posting here) isn't changing things for you. Don't you want things to change, have a better understanding of yourself, how people interact with you?

People have told you what they think - you don't want to hear it. On one hand you're a kid; on the other hand you're on adult threads.

Yes, you're a scared kid with a lot of issues. What are you doing to change that? Honestly - posting here, ignoring advice? How is that going to change anything? If you never face your issues and problems (and I realize you think you're an outcast. I don't know why and I don't know if you know why). Don't you want to find out?

So - what do you want to know about me? I'm straight forward. I'll answer your questions.

I was widowed. My late husband was much too young to die and he died a terrible, painful, lengthy death. I know what sadness is. I have five stepchildren. I live with two dogs. I lost a dog in April. I'm a college graduate, went to law school, work as a liability investigator. I volunteer here on AMHD with the hope that maybe, just maybe, what I say helps someone in some small way.

I work in a man's world - I'm the only female investigator in my area. I serve process for law firms.

That's about it.

How old are you? What is your name? I at least want to know who I am talking to

My age has nothing to do with anything - I'm an adult. My name is Judy - did you notice my signature?

That's also my photo. I lived in NY. I've traveled and lived various places in the Country over the years. I lived in NYC for a while. Now I'm at the other end of the State.

This is immaterial - but I said I would answer you.

I can tell you are a strict rule follower. Why are you on this site any way?

Because maybe I can help someone. And, yes, I work in the legal system - of course I believe in "the rules." Maybe, just maybe, someone who thinks something is wrong with her will post and I will be able to help.

As a matter of fact, I'm actually working, switching back and forth, doing research.

For that matter, why are you here? Boredom? Summer vacation? Unrestricted access to the Internet? No one to talk to on the phone? Nowhere to go? Nothing to do?

Well this is my last resort. I did everything I can to try to figure my issues out on my own, but I just couldn't. I found this website on my computer looking for answers. I saw people just posting their problems and getting back different answers from different people. I decided I would try. It was not exactly how I expected. Are you like a lawyer or something?

What are you doing research on? Yes it is my summer vacation. I needed to find answers to my problems and I couldn't figure them out on my own. One day I went on the internet looking for answers and stumbled across this site and saw people saying their problem and people giving their answers to them. I found myself signing up and tried it for myself, and it didn't turn out how I expected. Are you like a lawyer or something? Sorry I snapped at you before, I was just being parinoid

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Originally Posted by Nikki7347

well this is my last resort. i did everything i can to try to figure my issues out on my own, but i just couldn't. I found this website on my computer looking for answers. i saw people just posting their problems and getting back different answers from different people. i decided i would try. it was not exactly how i expected. are you like a lawyer or something?

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No, I'm a liability investigator - I work for law firms and individuals, not insurance companies (which is what everyone thinks investigators do).

If you would be in an auto accident I would work for you, question the witnesses, the Police, the other driver(s), anyone who had knowledge of the accident. I'd prepare a report and a diagram. If there is a lawsuit filed, then I would testify for you. (I testified yesterday, in fact.)

Or if you owned a restaurant and you thought the bartender or the waitresses or the busboys were stealing from you I would either be "hired" by you to work there and I'd see what's going on OR - more usually - I'd be a patron, go to the restaurant, sit at the bar, order dinner, see what I see.

Or if a dog bit you I'd find out all I could about the dog.

Or if you were married and thought your husband was cheating I would follow him and see if you are right.

It sounds a lot more exciting than it actually is.

I've worked a handful of missing person cases and child abuse cases - all "freebies," all at the request of the Court.

I did one case where Girl Scouts were camping, there was a thunderstorm across the Lake, the leader didn't tell them to get away from the trees, lightning struck the tree she was standing under, the girl was killed. That was a hard one - and she was close to your age.

Sometimes I work with a partner. Sometimes I work alone.

Sometimes I serve legal papers on people because I don't look like a process server. I don't know if that's a compliment or not because I really don't know what process servers are supposed to look like.

You know, you write well and clearly. I'll bet you're a good student, everything else aside. Did you ever hear that the most successful people in the World were considered nerds at some time or other? The beautiful people count on being beautiful forever. Then real life sets in, someone is younger and more beautiful and what's left? Brains last forever.

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Originally Posted by Nikki7347

What are you doing research on? yes it is my summer vacation. i needed to find answers to my problems and i couldn't figure them out on my own. one day i went on the internet looking for answers and stumbled across this site and saw people saying their problem and people giving their answers to them. I found myself signing up and tried it for myself, and it didn't turn out how i expected. are you like a lawyer or something? Sorry i snapped at you before, i was just being parinoid

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No problem and you aren't going to believe this but I actually like you! You've got spirit and spunk.

I'm sorry I snapped at you.

I've been assigned a case involving a young man who decided it would be a good idea to jump on the rear bumper of his friend's pick up truck as it pulled out of a bar. The driver thought it would be fun to slam on the brakes. The man on the bumper fell, hit his head and died. I do at least one accident involving someone riding standing up in a pick up, hitching a ride on a bumper every year.

Now I have to find witnesses, see who owns the bar, find the bartender at home (and away from work), try to talk to him, try to prove that the bar served both guys and should have known they were intoxicated. They both tested over the limit where alcohol is concerned. It's a lot of checking and double checking and finding people. I don't only talk to people who are on "my" side. The Attorney has to know what everybody saw before he starts to negotiate with the insurance company

Sometimes people lie about how an accident happened and it's my job to see who is truthful and who is lying. You develop a sense after a while.

I think I told you I have two dogs - a 150 pound German Shepherd and a Rottweiler puppy. Do you have any pets? Pets are great - they listen and keep their mouths shut!

Yeah but I am not that smart. A lot of people in my classes are smarter than me. My older brother who is 15 is a genius who is at college right now and when he comes back he will have to go to his job at a science lab. He is always undermining me. I don't do good in school because most of the time when people say things they don't click. Then I was going deaf so I couldn't hear the teacher. I gets really complicated. It sounds like you have a really cool job. You are right brains do last forever. I just wish that would matter now. Many days I am sitting alone at lunch, I see everyone whisper and stare. I hate it.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

No problem and you aren't going to believe this but I actually like you! You've got spirit and spunk.

I'm sorry I snapped at you.

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Wow thanks, I like you too. I am actually enjoying this. By the way you didn't snap at me, just sometimes when I get mad and hold it in too much I just explode with anger on people who didn't do anything wrong. You were just trying to get me to follow the rules. I am sorry.

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Originally Posted by Nikki7347

yeah but i am not that smart. A lot of people in my classes are smarter than me. My older brother who is 15 is a genius who is at college right now and when he comes back he will have to go to his job at a science lab. He is always undermining me. I don't do good in school because most of the time when people say things they don't click. Then i was going deaf so i couldn't hear the teacher. i gets really complicated. it sounds like you have a really cool job. you are right brains do last forever. I just wish that would matter now. many days i am sitting alone at lunch, i see everyone whisper and stare. i hate it.

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That's the curse of the genius older brother! You know, wherever you go someone is always thinner, smarter, taller, whatever it's about. So he's smarter in some ways. I'll bet he's not smarter in all ways! Sometimes genius doesn't translate into real life.

Yes, it does sound complicated.

I worked US Customs/Homeland Security in various cities, the traveling was hard (I didn't know today where I'd be stationed tomorrow) and so I went into investigating. I get to pick my clients - and that's good. I also set my own hours.

Sounds like your classmates are idiots - but I suppose there are lots of idiots in the World. I always wonder what's in it for them - ? It's also hard to be alone, sitting alone, eating alone. Everybody probably tells you not to let it bother you - but how can it not?

Have you ever thought of writing it all down, maybe a short story, maybe a diary or blog? You really do write well, very well, for your age. I can envision what you are saying. I think that's your gift.

And pets - have any?

I've got dogs dancing around, hungry, and I haven't eaten yet. I think it's time for me to sign off.

You going to be around to finish this tomorrow?

Right now it's 10PM my time.

I don't want to lose touch and I'd like to continue this.

You up for that?

You know, if you click on my profile (my name) you'll get a profile and it says "send private message" and then it opens a screen and you can contact me directly, off the board, and I can respond back to you.

Want to try that tomorrow? For that matter you could write me tonight and I'll respond tomorrow.

I'm glad we ran into each other! You've helped me fill my time and I've really enjoyed it.

Keep in mind I was an English major so I'm going to bug you about writing!

Hope to pick this up again tomorrow.

Nikki and Judy y'all are both great people! Life has ups and down! Everyone has problems. Just put a smile on your face Nikki. What are you good at Nikki? You can help people on this site also. Thanks bye