Ask Me Help Desk - Girl friend broke up with me.

Hi everyone, this is going to be a long one so fasten your seat belts. I am in ninth grade and about two months ago, the girl I had been dating for almost a year broke up with me. I never saw this coming, we were so in love and I really thought she was the one (we had our wedding and honeymoon planned, 15 days in St. Lucia, and we had picked baby names Kylie and Tristan and we planned out basically out whole lives together), then one day just out of the blue she says she "needs to be independent for once and is tired of worrying about every little thing I do", but she said that no matter what she still wanted to be friends. I refused this at first, but she brought it up a couple more times in the next few days so I figured, OK maybe she actually does want to be friends with me. I was happy with that, and she got over me pretty quickly.

I was still really nice to her, but after that her idea of friendship with me changed. When we were with a group of friends she's always really nice and actually flirty for some reason, but when we are alone or texting (very rare because she rarely responds) she's really short, mean and sarcastic an when she's not being sarcastic, she's like a brick wall to talk to, only responding with one word answers. I've told her how much it hurts me and that even though I still like her, I want to at least be friends, then she finds some way to make it my fault (she's very good at that) and stops talking about it. The next day she's really nice and flirty, but then it's like nothing ever happened and everything is the same.

I don't even love her as much as I did before, but still after two months I would take her back in a heartbeat. Mostly I miss just being able to talk to her. She's the only person I've ever truly been able to open up to. To anybody who can help me, don't give me all the usual advice like to just get over her (what do u think I've been trying to do for 2 months?! ) or to avoid her (same group of friends) or find new friends (small school, small community). I know that was long, sorry, but I can't take much more I love her so much and whenever I tell her I miss her she gets mad at me, somebody please give me some advice

You don't want to hear that you have to get over her but that's what you have to do - even if she decides to get back together with you later on! -- You talking about how much you miss her is only making her uncomfortable and further sealing your fate. It doesn't matter how small of a town you are in or how many mutual friends you have - you have to find other things to do than obsess about her.

She's too young to have that 15 day honeymoon in St. Lucia and little Kylie and Tristan (great names) are just going to have to wait and take a back-seat in your mind for awhile.

If you respect her feelings and stop sending out the "you're hurting me" signals and being upset at her having fun or just wanting to be a normal teenager -- then you have a shot at being her friend and who knows what can happen someday down the road!

If you keep up with the "you hurt me, I miss you, I just want to be with you, you said we could be friends" routine.. you're going to lose her for good. She can't deal with your feelings and doesn't want to keep fighting you

Apologize for acting like that -- agree w/ her POV and say, "You're right. If we're going to be friends I can't act like this and you can't worry about me all the time - I want YOU to be happy and OK, honest."

Now get out there and have fun -- take your mind off things and see what can happen down the road.

Ok pause at ninth grade. You have your whole life ahead of you so don't even consider marriage yet. Now that that's out of the way I think you should try to get with someone else and it will either make her jealous and want to talk or she won't care and it will help you move on. I know it's weird not seeing the same girl, but just she left you doesn't mean you need to say you hurt me. She knows she did (so move on or take some time alone if you prefer maybe a hobby but get your mind off it, and maybe like I said try Someone else) hope I helped man.

Young guy, as long as you keep trying to be a friend, and filling her head with nonsense about how you miss her you will be treated like she doesn't care. The thing to do is change the focus by being friendly, and polite, but not give her the attention you did before. That means have other things to do with the friends you had before, or make some new ones and enjoy your favorite activities. That also means stop texting her, and replace old habits and memories with new ones, or miss all the fun a ninth grader should be having because he is still stuck on a female that dumped him months ago.

Some times you have to act indifferent, even when you are not, or be a pest, who foolishly hold on to love, when he knows good and darn well he ain't loved in return. Even this friends crap your trying ain't working, so stop doing it. Say hi and bye, and keep it moving like you are to busy with better things, which you should be any way.

Not catering to her, as a friend. Put yourself first, make your own path, and you don't need her to do that. Only then will you be able to move on with confidence, dignity, and self respect.

I am sure it was fun while it lasted but now its over, so act like it, and stop being treated like a fool in love, and leave her alone. Sorry, not what you wanted to hear, but it's the way its done.

Thanks everybody for all the advice, we are actually getting along a lot better now and I found that slowly, I've been getting over her. I still have a long way to go, but I think I'm making good progress=)

That's great, keep it moving in the right direction.

Cut complete ties with her if you wish to get over her for reals. The best you get along with her, the higher the amount of false hope that you will have, whenever she finds someone else you will be crushed. Think about how it would make you feel seeing her being with someone else, if the thought bothers you, you are not over her completely. Be honest with yourself, you need to go no contact and move on from this. You cannot be friends with an ex whenever you are not yet completely over them.

Thread have been merged

Ok I'm back. For anyone who didn't see my previous question, about 3 months ago me an my girlfriend of almost a year broke up. I had been having a really tough time getting over her but things were starting to get better. Well lately things have been going downhill and I've just been stuck in this pit of depression and sadness. I have no idea what happened but all of a sudden I miss her like we just broke up. We've been getting along great at parties, but one on one or txting she pretty much brushes me off. She was my first serious girlfriend and she was my world (and still is), and I realize by now she's never coming back, but still I miss her and can't move on. For christ sake, she's even been introducing me to other girls to help me! I really have no idea what to do at this point.

Well there's your number one problem right there. You're still in touch with her. You want to get over her? Then stop contacting and seeing her. That relationship is a pot that should have been emptied a long time ago. By seeing her and talking to her you just kept it on the back burner and you just keep stirring it every once and a while.

Quote:

Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

Well there's your number one problem right there. You're still in touch with her. You want to get over her? Then stop contacting and seeing her. That relationship is a pot that should have been emptied a long time ago. By seeing her and talking to her you just kept it on the back burner and you just keep stirring it every once and a while.

Yeah, I know... Ive been working on not talking to her so much outside of parties and stuff, but the problem is we r both part of a really tight knit social group so we see each other a lot... And wheneve we r at a party together she's REALLY clingy...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ace1997

Yeah, i know... Ive been working on not talking to her so much outside of parties and stuff, but the problem is we r both part of a really tight knit social group so we see each other a lot... And wheneve we r at a party together shes REALLY clingy...

Well, until you stop seeing and talking to her on a regular basis or take hold of your life and stop letting her bring you down. Then you're going to be dealing with being depressed about her for a long time.

You need to make some tough choices that result in you doing something else besides allowing her to keep you STUCK.