I have made some poor decisions. For one I seem to be unhappy with my marriage when nothing is really wrong with it. In anyone's book, I have the best husband. He is caring, handsome, loves me, great dad, the list goes on and on.

For some reason I started joining web sites where I found several men who gave me attention and had a sexual affair with two of them. First time I got infatuated and it lasted almost a year. The other guy was married and obviously loving his life and family. I was in love with him when one day I just kind of woke up from the haze and he was no longer enticing.

The second guy was younger than me. I believe something is really wrong with him since he looks like he could have any woman he wants. Why is he wanting a married woman like me, I have no idea. At least I have experienced making love with someone who is physically perfect (like guys who advertise underwear perfect). It was an adventure.

How do I stop this behavior? It is taking my energy away from my family and it is not productive in any way. At one point I was thinking to see a psychologist for help but I have not. I would like to stop this behavior but seem to have a love of adventure and keep going back to it.

Is it possible that this phase is happening because I was married young. Then I think so many women marry young and don't have affairs like this. I really can't wish for a better husband and he is nice to me, supports me and loves me.

I would suggest seeing a psychologist. You also need to tell your husband, It's not fair to him what you're doing behind his back. Put yourself in his shoes right now.

A psychologist is a good idea. Also, talk with the psychologist before you tell your husband.

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Originally Posted by decisionmaker

Is it possible that this phase is happening because I was married young.

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How young? Did you have any relationships before him?

While there is no excuse for cheating, I'm inclined to agree with you that your behavior is a symptom of marrying young.

I just had this conversation with my girlfriend last night. I mentioned that many of our friends' parents (Baby Boomers) married young and now that they are in their 50s and 60s they are separated or divorced, usually because of infidelity.

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Originally Posted by decisionmaker

Then I think so many women marry young and don't have affairs like this.

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Maybe not. Extramarital affairs isn't something people talk about.

Oh, I can't tell my husband. That would make a hell of our lives and he would not tolerate it.

I was 19 when I met him, 20 when we married, 21 when I had first child. Over the years there has been a disconnect of sorts, its hard to describe.

I am 39, so I think it is something biological, like clock is ticking and I look good so it is easy to have affairs for me. Its like an ego uplift and makes me feel young and desirable. I know it is dumb but after being with someone for 20 years I just don't see that sex can be exciting that much anymore.

Also, I don't think something like that can hurt him if he never finds out.

For your question how younger is/was the second affair - 7 years younger than me, 10 years younger then husband.

I don't know what to do, but I don't really regret my escapades.

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Originally Posted by decisionmaker

Oh, I can't tell my husband. That would make a hell of our lives and he would not tolerate it.

I was 19 when I met him, 20 when we married, 21 when I had first child. Over the years there has been a disconnect of sorts, its hard to describe.

I am 39, so I think it is something biological, like clock is ticking and I look good so it is easy to have affairs for me. Its like an ego uplift and makes me feel young and desireable. I know it is dumb but after being with someone for 20 years I just dont see that sex can be exciting that much anymore.

Also, I dont think something like that can hurt him if he never finds out.

For your question how younger is/was the second affair - 7 years younger than me, 10 years younger then husband.

I dont know what to do, but I dont really regret my escapades.

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You've got some serious problems that even we cannot help with. You don't regret it? You don't think it will hurt him if he doesn't find out?

You're dreadful, selfish and inconciderate.

You really should tell him, so that he can have the chance to do the same if the sex is so undesirable. If he hasn't already.

Yes, you have confused ideas, when you describe the first man, he is married and you know he loves his wife and kids, sorry no, like yourself, if you truly loved them, you would have worked on the marriage not the affair, So he was not loving his wife when he was in the bed with you.

It is a issue of just saying no, you seem to have lost impulse and moral control.

You have to tell him, even if it ends you relationship. Think about it your HAVING SEX with other men. At this point your relationship is pretty broken. Respect is hard to earn and easy to lose. Being honest is the first step in getting it back.

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Originally Posted by decisionmaker

Oh, I can't tell my husband. That would make a hell of our lives and he would not tolerate it.

I was 19 when I met him, 20 when we married, 21 when I had first child. Over the years there has been a disconnect of sorts, its hard to describe.

I am 39, so I think it is something biological, like clock is ticking and I look good so it is easy to have affairs for me. Its like an ego uplift and makes me feel young and desireable. I know it is dumb but after being with someone for 20 years I just dont see that sex can be exciting that much anymore.

Also, I dont think something like that can hurt him if he never finds out.

For your question how younger is/was the second affair - 7 years younger than me, 10 years younger then husband.

I dont know what to do, but I dont really regret my escapades.

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I agree with slapshot, seek professional help before talking to your husband. Main concern now is getting this 'addiction' under control so you can deal with the fallout.

It will serve no purpose right now, a blow up with your husband at this point in time will send you I. The wrong direction where you will never find peace.

A counsel with a professional will be held in confidence.

I completely agree that it is bad behavior. I really want to stop and forget it. But, are we humans really monogamous creatures, or is that imposed by society? I don't know.

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Originally Posted by decisionmaker

I completely agree that it is bad behavior. I really want to stop and forget it. But, are we humans really monogamous creatures, or is that imposed by society? I dont know.

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In our present society monogamy is status quo; or let me correct that somewhat, more or less imposed on us by Victorian ways and means. Don't try to justify loose behavior by questioning monogamous relationships, presently a consideration if one does not want diseases or STDs.

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Originally Posted by decisionmaker

I completely agree that it is bad behavior. I really want to stop and forget it. But, are we humans really monogamous creatures, or is that imposed by society? I dont know.

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You have a valid point. I've thought this myself too.

I can only think in terms of your husband. That being said, one solution that comes to mind is an open relationship/swinger couple. Do you think he would be open to that? Would you be accepting if he slept with other women?

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Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

You have a valid point. I've thought this myself too.

I can only think in terms of your husband. That being said, one solution that comes to mind is an open relationship/swinger couple. Do you think he would be open to that? Would you be accepting if he slept with other women?

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I think that I would understand if he did. However Id be jelaous.

I just want to say that I am not some loose type although having 2 sexual partners (at different times) could be viewed as that.

Ive only been with 4 men total in my lifetime including husband and the 2 flings. As I said I am thinking it is biological because I never had the urge before.

Good or bad you still should tell him. After all the time you two spent together you owe him that much. The whole ethical argument of having multiple sexual partners isn't really the moral delima were facing at the moment. What is truly relivent is being honest and open with your partner in all inportant things, good or bad.