Ask Me Help Desk - 5 year old boy lies all the time... please help!!

We have a 5 year old (he just turned 5 a few days ago) that constantly lies. Everything that comes out of his mouth is a story and he lies right to your face. Then says, "what" like we are crazy when we look at him in a way to let him know we know he is lying. We have tried time out, grounding, talking, deep conversations telling him how it hurts us when he lies, spanking... which when it comes to spanking daddy and me kind of disagree. He feels like there is no need to get hard with him when I feel like we should put a little fear in him. When daddy spanks he goes right back to doing what he was doing like it doesn't even matter which he does that no matter what we try (all of the above). We really need some help, if anyone knows what we can try please let me know.

When I taught preschool, I noticed this sort of thing was par for the course for that age group. In grad school, I learned it's part of that age group's stage of emotional development.

Why not go along with him and make the story bigger and bigger and wilder and wilder? In other words, show him you (and others) don't take him seriously and can play that game too.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

When I taught preschool, I noticed this sort of thing was par for the course for that age group. In grad school, I learned it's part of that age group's stage of emotional development.

Why not go along with him and make the story bigger and bigger and wilder and wilder? In other words, show him you (and others) don't take him seriously and can play that game too.

What about the lying though, story telling I can see that working a little but lying?

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Originally Posted by JESS2012

what about the lying though, story telling I can see that working a little but lying??

At that age, he doesn't understand the line between storytelling and lying like adults do. One of my student assured me his dad's car could soar into the air and go over stopped cars, like a flying supercar. When one of the teachers sternly scolded him for lying, he refused to back down and got more and more vehement about it and that it was true. So, scolding may push such a child into self-defense mode which only makes him more willing to stand his ground the next time he storytells or even to out and out lie just because he wants to convince his listener.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

At that age, he doesn't understand the line between storytelling and lying like adults do. One of my student assured me his dad's car could soar into the air and go over stopped cars, like a flying supercar. When one of the teachers sternly scolded him for lying, he refused to back down and got more and more vehement about it and that it was true. So, scolding may push such a child into self-defense mode which only makes him more willing to stand his ground the next time he storytells or even to out and out lie just because he wants to convince his listener.

What about saying stuff like a brother hit him when he really didn't, he tries to get another child in trouble, I will ask him if he picked something up and he will say yes and then when I look it wasn't picked up, he will hit and I will ask him if he did and he will say no, stuff like this.. so, how should I respond when he lies to me constantly?

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Originally Posted by JESS2012

what about saying stuff like a brother hit him when he really didnt, he tries to get another child in trouble, i will ask him if he picked something up and he will say yes and then when i look it wasnt picked up, he will hit and i will ask him if he did and he will say no, stuff like this.. so, how should i respond when he lies to me constantly??

Why is he being repeatedly quizzed? Just go to his room to see if it is picked up. Don't give him an opportunity to lie about it. Don't get into the middle of two kids saying "I didn't-you did too." Don't allow him the chance to lie.

I was told that at this age, its not that he is purposely going out of his way to LIE.
It's that he WISHES 'insert lie' happened, even if it didn't, and maybe if he says it, it will be true.
Just continue to make sure he knows it is NOT OK to lie (make sure for certain that he IS lying, things like monsters and unicorns is easy, but things like 'did you make this mess' make absolutely sure he did it)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Why is he being repeatedly quizzed? Just go to his room to see if it is picked up. Don't give him an opportunity to lie about it. Don't get into the middle of two kids saying "I didn't-you did too." Don't allow him the chance to lie.

I agree 100% with what is being said, the only thing is.. after he is caught in a lie (not story telling) then how do I need to handle it I have tried everything which I say in the very first post I made. He isn't being quizzed he is being treated like the other kids (which is 9, 6, 5 and 2) lol you would think I wouldn't need help but the older kids did this but nowhere near as bad, I usually am not able to stand there the whole time he does something to make sure it gets done in order to not allow him to lie about it when I ask. I will be giving my 2 year old a bath and he will run in there asking if he can get up to go play and Ill say have you finished your food, he will say yes and of course when I am done to come and look he ate only maybe 3 bites. I know how to try and not give him a chance to lie but sometimes I need to ask him things. My biggest thing I need help with is finding a new way of discipline because nothing I do works. If he pees on the toilet seat and I go in there after him and I tell him to go back in there to clean it off for me he says he didn't do it even though I know for a fact he did. The other big thing is he will make stuff up to get the other kids in trouble, like saying someone took something away when there are no other kids around him, saying one of the brothers hit him, punching a brother when he is riding something he wants when he hasn't even asked to ride it. I understand about story telling and their wild imaginations, I understand that's something they will usually grow out of, my thing is the constant lying. Thanks what I need help with.

We have a 5 year old (he just turned 5 a few days ago) that constantly lies. Everything that comes out of his mouth is a story and he lies right to your face. Then says, "what" like we are crazy when we look at him in a way to let him know we know he is lying. We have tried time out, grounding, talking, deep conversations telling him how it hurts us when he lies, spanking... which when it comes to spanking daddy and me kind of disagree. He feels like there is no need to get hard with him when I feel like we should put a little fear in him. When daddy spanks he goes right back to doing what he was doing like it doesn't even matter which he does that no matter what we try (all of the above). We really need some help, if anyone knows what we can try please let me know.
I know the difference between story telling and lying and I don't think story telling is so bad my problem is with the lying.
He lies about everything like a few examples or: I will be bathing the 2 yr old and he will come in the to ask if he can get down to play, I will ask him did he eat all of his food and he will say yes well after I am done bathing the 2 yr old I will go check and maybe 3 bites he ate (then what should I do? ) Ive tried everything..
I will see him push the 2 yr old and I will say why did you push him why would you do that and he will look me right and my face even knowing I saw him and say he didn't do anything. After I discipline him no matter what I do he will start doing the same things he was doing that got him in trouble, he will start laughing and playing like it didn't even effect him. I know he is only 5 but I feel like if I don't do something to correct this it will show the other kids they can get away with that type of stuff. He will leave his bike in the street, I will say to the kids did you put up the bikes all of them say yes but my 5 yr old didn't really put his up. He just never tells the truth at all. I have all boys and I have never had one of them be this intense with story telling and lying, I need some advice on which way to discipline... please help!!

You are going to have to take the time with this boy and stop setting him up to lie to you. You are going to have to physically move your body and check in person that food has been eaten or toys have been picked up or whatever. Stop quizzing him. You know he will tell you want you want to hear and what will give him privileges. I'd lie to you too. Disciplining him isn't even a blip on the chart right now. YOU are the one who has to shape up in your parenting.

For some reason my reply doesn't stay up there..
I have been trying to reply with Thank you for your suggestions, I am going to try them and see how they work. I didn't realize how much I quiz him on things. Thanks!

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Originally Posted by JESS2012

For some reason my reply doesnt stay up there..
I have been trying to reply with Thank you for your suggestions, I am going to try them and see how they work. I didnt realize how much I quiz him on things. Thanks!

I'll be here waiting and delighted to find out that things are improving. Please report back! (P.S. I used to have a kid like that.)