Are these acts dumb?

There were 2 acts that have stunned me . My husband is usually absent minded and usually I laugh it away. In the last few years after having a kid there were 2 times that I was absolutely stunned by what he did.

First , my kid was only 4-5 months old when they are at the age just to learn to sit on their own. My kid was not even able to sit on his own without support with a hand on his back. We went out for a trip. There were a few merry go round horse rides. I asked my husband to put the baby there so that I could take a photo with him on the horse. I did not specify that he should continue to hold him. While I was trying to take the picture he just left the kid on the horse back without any support. How could he do this? Wasn't it obvious that a baby who cannot sit on his own will fall down when left his hand. Of course the baby fell down and was hurt. I am surprised at what he did and really question his intelligence and common sense.

Second: We were at an Indian train station. We had a lot of luggage and old parents with us along with my now 2 year kid. The train was suddenly announced to be on the other side of the platform and we had to hurriedly shift to the other platform. It is quite common in India for a lot of people to cross the track. I asked him if he could shift one set of luggage like this by crossing the tracks. He asked me to carry more luggage on the other side than I could. I told him it wasn't possible for me. So I suggested that let's quickly make 2 trips to the other side through the bridge. While I made my way to the bridge , I saw that suddenly he made his mind to cross the tracks and move the luggage while he left my 2 year kid on the bench very close to the track all alone while he was with his milk bottle. I could not believe that he could leave a 2 year kid all alone on one side of the platform while he crossed the tracks.

What if my kid had tried to follow him or jump after him? What if someone had picked up the kid during this time? There was a little mess but then maximum we would have had to take another train or some other transport. But I found this incredible that he could leave a 2 year kid like this.

Unfortunately he has become very sensitive and feels very bad if told that he made a mistake. He is very obstinate and does not apologize or realize that he was wrong and I can't even tell him that he is wrong. I am confused if I am becoming too critical or is he really dumb and I am justified in getting frustrated with him. Am I correct in worrying about his common sense or am I exaggerating?

I can't imagine even a 10 year old doing what you have described, let alone a husband and father.

Can you say his behaviour extends beyond the examples you have written?

For example, in his day to day life, or work life, does he get confused, or mixed up with in other places and other circumstances?

The examples you've given, are bad enough on their own, but if these are 'only' two examples, without anything else in particular that causes concern, I would be particularly careful leaving him with a small child under any circumstances.

Do these 'problems' extend beyond the examples given? And if so, more information would be helpful.

Thanks , at least it helps to know that I wasn't concerned for nothing.
It's also true that he leaves butcher knives around in the kitchen where they could be reachable in kids reach.
Even after telling many times with love and patience , or with contempt he never listens or
Changes , moreover making me feel like I am after him all the time.
There have also been times when he has kept a stool near a window and left it open , the window has no barriers.
The problem is I feel worried that no only does he not understand but
He feels bad when told and is extremely sensitive about it.
He is always trying to prove that he is very smart.
On 2 occasions I have missed my kid for a few moments in some malls because we were both not careful enough.
But I do realize that I did a mistake and he is extremely arrogant and does not learn or feel ashamed.
I am kind of getting frustrated with him .
It is affecting my relationship with him.
Otherwise he is generous , quite easy going to live with kind of a person.
What should I do ?

I have been married 10 years.
I was a homely girl taking care of my husband and family.
I work and am independent.
My husband is a generous , loyal and helpful person.
But over the years I have found that he is self absorbed , he does not care for my needs even after telling him many times.
He is careless, loves to watch TV ,games etc and I always push him into getting better careerwise , growing as a person etc.
He knows and acknowledges it.
But he is of less intelligence but shows off as if he knows a lot.
He is easily influenced by others. Most decisions are not his.
I have to look after him like a kid at most times.He is very passive.
I do not feel like I can leave things to him and relax that they will be done properly.
At times his carelessness borders on danger for my kid like leaving the house keys on at the door outside the whole night
(repeated 5 times atleast)
Leaving knives and beer bottles around with a 3 year old kid around.
I wanted time from him , I asked him many times just to sit and have dinner with me looking at me and chatting but he makes me feel like I am too demanding.
I asked for sex twice a week (being a girl I still had to ask him)
But it is like just once a month.
He never discusses problems ,Says that they are not there or ignores them.
I am tired of trying to communicate with him.
When I want some feedback for me he says that I will not change and he expects me to accept him as it is as well.
But I feel that we have lost the charm even more so after the kid and even other people notice that we talk much less and whenever we are with others , I am enjoying more with friends rather than being with him at all.
We hardly laugh or share discuss anything when we are at home alone.
I usually have suggessions about what can be done but every discussion ends in 'we are just fine and we should not be like anyone else'.
When I am comparing ourselves with people who laugh, dance , talk have more fun with each other.
Moreover, I have felt that my growth does not matter to him .
I wanted to get a driving licence but every time I drive he makes it a hell for me.
He is egoistic and self absorbed.
He is generous with gifts etc but he does not understand my feelings or does not care so much if I am hurt physically or emotionally.
I feel I have to be the strong one every time and when I am weak or crying no one takes care of me.
After a long time I did feel exhausted and distant from him.
I also realize that unless he does become very responsible and does things for me or cares for me I can't be passionate about him.
I fell for another man in the office , I was emotionally involved for the last 2 years.
It was a soul connection but he was married as well and we did not kiss or anything.
He left the office and I was quite frustrated.
Meanwhile a family friend had been hitting on me , I tried avoiding him many times but I did have the need to be desired.
One day I gave in and stupid that I was got caught red handed.
We were on the verge of having sex when my hubby arrived.
I feel bad about whatever I had in my mind and now my hubby is devastated.
He handled it gracefully by not making a scene in front of friends etc but wants to stay in the marriage for my kid.
But he still does not speak about our problems , feels cheated but does not think about what caused this.
I do not know if these problems are because of me and I will be unhappy with anyone , should I really try to find someone else?
At age 36 and with 1 kid whom both of us do not want to leave alone, can life be started new.
It is not the life of my dreams but its also not like someone is abusing me.
But life is lifeless, charmless .Should I stay in this.

I am married for 10 years . My relationship has not been a smooth ride from the beginning. My partner was very careless ,boyish and irresponsible.
I don't particularly feel cared for and you can say that we lack chemistry /connection that between a couple should exist to know what the other wants and to do it.
He's more the egoistic kind,self absorbed believes he is right always where as I am looking for intelligent discussions to make up my mind when I have an issue.
He also shys away from discussing problems and is very non communicative.
I have supported him a lot always in diseases, with family but I always feel misunderstood, lonely. I always tell him exactly how I am feeling but I do not get much response or reaction. He wants to avoid any uncomfortable discussions.
I feel he is not interested in anyone else other than himself.
All the same he is not all that bad, we both earn, he helps me in the kitchen , with the kid, does not dominate or bother me too much.
I feel he will be quite Ok even without me or anyone.
He is quite helpful to people at the cost of neglecting me but I feel it is more because he wants to show off that he is good etc.
He cannot make out people's mentality or if they will cheat him.
I feel more and more lonely and I have strayed emotionally and was very close to physical infedelity as well.(less sex even after asking specifically)
I feel sad to stay like this .
All the same I donot know if it's worth taking a chance to find someone else again.( at 35 and 1 kid)
And we both are not that capable of leaving our kid to only 1 of us.
I do not understand if I am creating these issues in my head or they are real problems and I should do something about it.
I am the optimistic kind of person who wants to live life to the fullest and with him that seems so not possible.
What do you think I should stay in a lifeless, humorless relationship ?

I don't know what you think marriage is.

When there are problems, you work through them. Particularly if there is a child involved. You and your husband have an obligation, together, and also for the family you both chose to create.

You have come close to an affair, so that makes you less than honest, and it puts you in a position of hardly being the partner who should be critical of the other.

That it has gone this far, without any meaningful changes, on both your parts, leaves me wondering why you couldn't figure out other ways to improve your marriage other than being so highly critical. Is it to justify being with another man? Do you really think that is the answer?

Why haven't you arranged counselling for the two of you to learn how to deal with problems. Why are the two of you stuck in this place, going nowhere.

Why not at least talk to him long enough to know that you feel the marriage is on very rocky ground, and see if he wouldn't be willing to actually do something about it, by way of counselling.

If both parties are willing, it is the least you can do, to see if the marriage is worth saving.

Its not your husband, or child or your life that has you feeling this way. Its your own inability to deal with what you have and that's what I see when reading ALL your posts.

Your husband is who he is, and since you know that, be willing to make some adjustments to your own thinking. I know its not easy or fun, or quaint, charming, or romantic, but it is dealing with the reality of life, and contributes to the welfare of your family.