I have an odd situation on my hands. I've met a girl who I've been talking to for a while, mostly on the phone, although I have met her once for drinks. She seems pretty cool. She one of those girls who is like one of the guys, you know, loves sports, drinks beer, is very funny! A guys dream basically. Here is the downfall. She is very hardened about emotions. She says she never cries, hates when guys give her flowers, and hates showing any kind of emotion. This is a problem if I want to date her, because I love showing emotion, flowers, all that. She said she hates talking about feelings and all that mushy s--t.So I guess she's more of a guy than I thought! LOL! Seriously though, I've told her that I think she got her heart crushed somewhere down the line and that has hardened her as a defense mechanism. She's actually agreed she got her heart really broken, but says that has very little to do with it. My question is this. Will she ever regain normal function with feelings and her emotions, or is it possible that she is really just like this? I just have never met a girl who would rather barf than accept flowers. Or when you do something nice for her or tell her how you feel she says, " Oh God! Not the feelings talk!" One final insight to this story, she did grow up with only brothers. Could this have something to do with it? Any help would be great ladies! Thank you!

I'm not a lady but my current GF was the same way.
After some good ol' quality time I chipped away at the walls she set up around her feelings and that was the beginning of our relationship.
You can't force it so don't bother.
Give it time and when she feels comfortable enough around you and trusts you, you'll know.

I dated a tough girl once. She interned with the DEA, had "sniper vision" and was a hell of a steady shot. Tough as nails and thought the best way to spend the holidays was with a beer in one hand and a football game in the other. Damn that girl was a blast. Sexy as anything and ready to kick up dust anytime.

She also had little patience for the emotion stuff. She did like the flowers and attention.

My advice is this - you know what she says. If you date her and pi$$ her off because you can't hold back its your fault. If you hold back and get frustrated, its still your fault. She's been up front.

If you hit it off, as mentioned, you'll likely be able to break down a few walls and get to give a little.

But don't fall into the "theyll change after i got em" trap. Guys b!tch about girls who try to change them after they are hooked... so you can't reverse the roles.

I say go for it. Take a chance. My relationship crashed and burned cause she cheated on me, but I knew she was in it for the fun and the short term... ended up being two great years. And if id known it wouldve ended badly, I still probably wouldve dated her. Was a blast.

I dated a tough girl once. She interned with the DEA, had "sniper vision" and was a hell of a steady shot. Tough as nails and thought the best way to spend the holidays was with a beer in one hand and a football game in the other. Damn that girl was a blast. Sexy as anything and ready to kick up dust anytime.

She also had little patience for the emotion stuff. She did like the flowers and attention.

My advice is this - you know what she says. If you date her and pi$$ her off because you can't hold back its your fault. If you hold back and get frustrated, its still your fault. She's been up front.

If you hit it off, as mentioned, you'll likely be able to break down a few walls and get to give a little.

But don't fall into the "theyll change after i got em" trap. Guys b!tch about girls who try to change them after they are hooked... so you can't reverse the roles.

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Originally Posted by kp2171

i say go for it. take a chance. my relationship crashed and burned cause she cheated on me, but i knew she was in it for the fun and the short term... ended up being two great years. and if id known it wouldve ended badly, i still probably wouldve dated her. was a blast.

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I wish I could have your same outlook on a relationship that ended bad, were you not playing for keeps?

Bottom line, the girl is who she is. She may soften a little with time, but do you have the patience to wait around for that?

Just to let you know, fun, feminine girls are out there. There are plenty of girls who love to sit around with the guys watching football or hockey and throwing back a beer. Hell, I think a lot of women would admit the guys are a lot easier to hang out with than catty, shallow women (sadly most of us are:( ). I respect your feelings for this girl but her hardness, and your wanting to give emotionally to her, just don't match.

Do you think your ability to accept her behavior may stem from the fact that she makes you question your own masculinity? Even a little? If that's the case you shouldn't. Men need to be able to let go with their woman, show love, care and affection freely. They feel they can't do it with the guys, so who else can they show their emotions too. Women are nurturers by nature, so questioning one who isn't much of one is a wise thing. It obviously isn't what you want.

Hun, hang out with her, do the things that people who have feelings for someone do. Be you. Don't let her possible insecurities hinder your feelings. Send her flowers, write poetry, plan a romantic picnic, if she's not down with it she'll let you know, and then you can move on. Don't waste time with someone, when you know deep down you just don't match.

And hey, there is hope in the dream of a woman you can dote upon and cuss around. We are everywhere;).

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Originally Posted by wontbez

I wish I could have your same outlook on a relationship that ended bad, were you not playing for keeps?

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Sorry, didn't see the question, and its been a while since it was asked.

Yes... I was playing for keeps to some degree... as in I wanted it to last... she was fun and a great person on so many levels, but she was younger than me by about 8 years, and she was just finishing college...

Meaning she still had a lot in front of her, and I think its normal to want to experience new things, new people, new relationships... so I knew there was a real possibility it would end where it did...

I can be more casual about it now cause its in the past. We broke up, it sucked, I dated a few more people, and eventually married my wife of now 7 years.

So yeah, its easy for me to talk about happy endings cause I'm in one... but I also know, after going through a few heartbreaks before the one with the "tough girl", that id had enough experience to keep a little distance.

Its OK to like someone a lot. Its OK to think about being with them and even maybe a future. And when you are younger you tend to "try on" relationships in a way that elevates them to some incredible level... well... get knocked down a few times and you start to look at relationships a little differently...

It isn't so much you don't trust, you just don't always do so blindly. You keep a little room mentally because its healthy in moderation. So if she's a little emotionally distanct, that doesn't mean you can be with her.

But you can't be with her, as I said, and expect her to change. She might, but its not fair to assume your caring about her will "rewire" her thinking. A recipe for frustration.

So... you got to do the math yourself. Only you can decide if you can pursue this and keep enough distance to be casual enough to not to drive yourself mad. If not, better to look elsewhere for a match that's more in your mindset.

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Originally Posted by kinfrox

I have an odd situation on my hands. I've met a girl who I've been talking to for a while, mostly on the phone, although I have met her once for drinks. She seems pretty cool. She one of those girls who is like one of the guys, ya know, loves sports, drinks beer, is very funny! A guys dream basically. Here is the downfall. She is very hardened about emotions. She says she never cries, hates when guys give her flowers, and hates showing any kind of emotion. This is a problem if I want to date her, because I love showing emotion, flowers, all that. She said she hates talking about feelings and all that mushy s--t.So I guess she's more of a guy than I thought! LOL! Seriously though, I've told her that I think she got her heart crushed somewhere down the line and that has hardened her as a defense mechanism. she's actually agreed she got her heart really broken, but says that has very little to do with it. My question is this. Will she ever regain normal function with feelings and her emotions, or is it possible that she is really just like this? I just have never met a girl who would rather barf than accept flowers. Or when you do something nice for her or tell her how you feel she says, " Oh God! Not the feelings talk!" One final insight to this story, she did grow up with only brothers. Could this have something to do with it? Any help would be great ladies! Thank you!

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Either she's really the way she says or she's saying this to make you work harder. Sometimes women play all kinds of games just to see how far a guy will jump. If you like her, try to woo her (keeping in mind that she doesn't like flowers, etc.) but if she jumps on you about things and wants YOU to change... you know it ain't going to work! Don't let her try and change YOU either.