My daughter had a paternity test done a few months after she was born. Almost two years later the dad wants to be tested, not to be in her life, but just to know. I have done my part, thr dna is good for four years. He says he can force me to do it again. Can he really, he said, he just wants the test so he can move on.

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Originally Posted by Samanthas528

My daughter had a paternity test done a few months after she was born. Almost two years later the dad wants to be tested, not to be in her life, but just to know. I have done my part, thr dna is good for four years. He says he can force me to do it again. Can he really, he said, he just wants the test so he can move on.

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Sure he can... he's got the legal right to know if he's the father or not... and a DNA test is not the same as a simple paternity test that can easily be wrong. The DNA test is basically as infallible as you can get today. Or is it more about making sure the checks keep coming than making sure they come from the right individual?

Meaning if nobody else can be the father, do it... then he won't have a legitimate dispute for paying child support either.

I'm a bit confused, and really, I don't know the difference between a paternity test and a DNA test.

When you do a paternity test, don't you have to test against the potential parent? Meaning, you'd test a potential father?

If so, what were the results? Was the person tested proven to be the father?

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Originally Posted by Alty

I don't know the difference between a paternity test and a DNA test.

When you do a paternity test, don't you have to test against the potential parent? Meaning, you'd test a potential father?

If so, what were the results? Was the person tested proven to be the father?

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That was my immediate thought. And yes a Paternity test is not the same as a DNA test. A DNA test can be performed to determine paternity but its not the only test. Before DNA there were other tests.

But if a test was done, who did it test for what? If the test showed him to be the father then he doesn't need another test.

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Originally Posted by Alty

I'm a bit confused, and really, I don't know the difference between a paternity test and a DNA test.

When you do a paternity test, don't you have to test against the potential parent? Meaning, you'd test a l
potential father?

If so, what were the results? Was the person tested proven to be the father?

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She had the ceek swab done, by the court. He was ordered, but he has been locked up, he hasn't been tested.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Sure he can....he's got the legal right to know if he's the father or not....and a DNA test is not the same as a simple paternity test that can easily be wrong. The DNA test is basically as infallible as you can get today. Or is it more about making sure the checks keep coming than making sure they come from the right individual?

Meaning if nobody else can be the father, do it....then he won't have a legitimate dispute for paying child support either.

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I don't want child support. I haven't even heard from him, until now. Since he says he just wants to know so he can move on with his life- I have the emails, can the judge have him terminate his rights?

Forget terminating his rights. What good is swabbing her cheek if there is nothing to compare it against. But if her sample has been saved then it can be used to test against his.

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Originally Posted by Samanthas528

I don't want child support. I haven't even heard from him, until now. Since he says he just wants to know so he can move on with his life- I have the emails, can the judge have him terminate his rights?

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No, not unless you have a current husband of a year or more that want to adopt. Otherwise I can see why he wants the test... 10 years from now you might change you mind and decide you want it... then they will try to go back to when the child was born retroactively and demand far more money than he can possibly pay.

If there was ever the slightest question as far as if I was the father... I would demand the test.

Nothing is worse than having to pay to support a kid that's not yours when the real father gets away not paying a dime.

Also if enough time passes, because it was never contested... its eventually assumed to be yours...

I'm not calling into question your fidelity during that period, just using this as an example. Things like infidelity that is otherwise undiscovered does happen... and the wrong fathers get sued for support... and in some states its impossible to win a dispute after a period of years has passed.

I know two guys in jail for the last several years in the state of VA for refusing to pay support on children DNA tests actually prove are NOT theirs. Because of that time the state refuses to accept their challenge. Sad really.

A simple DNA test can put all those claims and accusations to rest... once and for all.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

Forget terminating his rights. What good is swabbing her cheek if there is nothing to compare it against. But if her sample has been saved then it can be used to test against his.

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It was saved, they said its good for four years, she is almost two. Its just upsetting a little. He has done nothing, hasn't even tried. Not even when I was pregnant. How can someone just decide that they want it, whenever they see it fits.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

No, not unless you have a current husband of a year or more that want to adopt. otherwise I can see why he wants the test....10 years from now you might change you mind and decide you want it...then they will try to go back to when the child was born retroactively and demand far more money than he can possibly pay.

If there was ever the slightest question as far as if I was the father....I would demand the test.

Nothing is worse than having to pay to support a kid that's not yours when the real father gets away not paying a dime.

Also if enough time passes, because it was never contested...its eventually assumed to be yours....

I'm not calling into question your fidelity during that period, just using this as an example. Things like infidelity that is otherwise undiscovered does happen...and the wrong fathers get sued for support...and in some states its impossible to win a dispute after a period of years has passed.

I know two guys in jail for the last several years in the state of VA for refusing to pay support on children DNA tests actually prove are NOT theirs. Because of that time period.The state refuses to accept their challenge. Sad really.

A simple DNA test can put all those claims and accusations to rest...once and for all.

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I understand what you are saying. There has never been child support. Fidelity was not the issue. He says him and his girlfriend need to know, but he doesn't want to be in her life.

OK... and here is the other issue I'm sure he's thinking.(just guessing of course as I don't know him)).. if in ten years you fall onto hard times and decide you need support. They are not just going to start at that point until the child is 18, they are going to try to go BACK ten years (actually 12 since the child is 2 right now) and assess all that money too. And expect it now or in a hurry... not leaving enough to survive on.

So yes its easy to say that now you don't need or want it... and from his aspect its like a signed blank check floating around out there that a stop payment can't be issued on. That might be cashed in at some point in the future at someone else's convenience..

SO if you do that DNA test he could get a court to order and you would then have a situation that can't be contested now or the future.

And there is always this... if it will shut him up to do it voluntarily would that minor inconvenience be worth it to you?

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Originally Posted by smoothy

OK....and here is the other issue I'm sure he's thinking.(just guessing of course as I don't know him))..if in ten years you fall onto hard times and decide you need support. They are not just going to start at that point until the child is 18, they are going to try to go BACK ten years (actually 12 since the child is 2 right now) and assess all that money too. And expect it now or in a hurry...not leaving enough to survive on.

So yes its easy to say that now you don't need or want it....and from his aspect its like a signed blank check floating around out there that a stop payment can't be issued on. that might be cashed in at some point in the future at someone elses convenience..

SO if you do that DNA test he could get a court to order and you would then have a situation that can't be contested now or the future.

And there is always this.... if it will shut him up to do it voluntarily would that minor inconvenience be worth it to you?

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I get what you are saying. I know a little about child support, they are still trying to make my real dad pay back child support, we are well over 18. I have just never had to deal with it personaly, I feel like I have to defend myself and my baby. It's not an inconvience, she has had the swab done legally. Should I have them do a new swab?

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Originally Posted by Samanthas528

I get what you are saying. I know a little about child support, they are still trying to make my real dad pay back child support, we are well over 18. I have just never had to deal with it personaly, I feel like I have to defend myself and my baby. It's not an inconvience, she has had the swab done legally. Should I have them do a new swab?

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There is no need for a new swab. If the lab says they can use the current sample to test, then he just needs to submit his own sample to the lab. I don't see a court compelling you to submit a new sample.

And I don't see a court compelling a test just because he wants to know. If he is to go to court, it has to be to get something other than knowledge. He will have to file for joint legal custody at a minimum. He can't just file to have the test done. So you give him the details of the lab, tell him if he wants to know here's where you go.

However, you are doing your daughter a disservice by not going for child support. Also, if you need to apply for public assistance they will require that the father be identified and go after him for support.

Maybe you don't need the money now, so put it away for college. But he contributed to conceiving your daughter and he should be made to stand up for his responsibilities.

I'm not a legal expert, but I would urge you to go through with this. If he is the father, and found to be the father, then he will have to pay. He doesn't have to be a part of her life, but one day your daughter may want to know who her father is, and know why he was never there, not even financially. This way you can honestly say that you did all you could for her.

Use the money to support your child, which is what it's meant for. If he wants to see his daughter, I know it's hard for you to accept, because he was never there for you or her, but if he's not a horrible person, and he is her dad, he's the only dad she has. She may want a relationship with him. She may hate you later in life for denying her that chance.