Ask Me Help Desk - Is he really over me?

Is he really over me?

He told me we are over after I left our home because of some issues I had with him and his siblings. But he is still supportive towards me, he sends me smsess saying he knew he loved me but now he loves me more. But he has found someone whom he thinks she loves him more than I did because she give's him money then he give it to me and she cries when he tells her his problems his facing and I asked him to solve his first marriage before he can try to move out and never cried. He pays all my bills, buys me air-time when I am in need of, enjoys my conversations with him, like he phones me, send me whats-up link so we can chart more and even smsess me at 3:00am. Is it really over or he's just saying because he has found someone.

If he has found someone else, it needs to be over.
Are you two married?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

If he has found someone else, it needs to be over.
Are you two married?

Yes, but I don't know if I can say we were or we are. Because both our family doesn't support our separation but things between us are much complicated.

If he really loved you, he would not be with someone else. How long have you been separated?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

He he really loved you, he would not be with someone else. How long have you been separated?

I left our home last year around may & he tried begging me to come back since last year may until this year march. He was always @ my place since I left and I wll sometimes visit him. Then march this year he stopped coming to see me, reducises the phone calls.but I wasn't aware that he might have found someone. Then may I then ask him if he's with someone, at first he replied no how can he be with a girl while he knows he is married. Then during the week I ask if I can come over to his place,he replied no and that's where I became worried and asked 4 his true answer if he has found someone.he then replied I wouldn't understand. I begged, nagged until he confides he has actually found someone. And then he told me he is confused for now,even with the girl he doesn't think she'll be the one. He then told me he loves me but he thinks I disrespect him a lot.that's why I so confused if he is really over me or he just need some space.

Did you guys ever try counseling? Do you understand why he feels you disrespect him?
It seems to me you guys could maybe work things out if you talk to each other. But if he is in relationship with someone else, he would either have to divorce you or try to make things work. He would not be going back and forth

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Did you guys ever try counseling? Do you understand why he feels you disrespect him?
It seems to me you guys could maybe work things out if you talk to each other. But if he is in relationship with someone else, he would either have to divorce you or try to make things work. He would not be going back and forth

No,we never try consultations because he seemed not liking them. It looks like he did tried councilling with his first wife and apparentely it didn't favour him and from then he obviously told himself he will never try them again in his life. I think what coused our separation its axcatly what coused his separation with first wife and he is aware but in denial. When I first left he phoned all his siblings telling them I've left bcouse of them and even the first wife she left bcouse of family. He even told them he will never again bring his wife's home cause it looks like they have a problem with him not with his wife's. Again I think the guy is more afraid or caring to his family than to his wife's. A week before last we had a family meeting(both side).I explained to them why I left,mentioning money issues couse my man didn't mind to give his family the last cent we have and go to shack loans and it was like every month's life. I tried advicing him so many times that in that way he will never build a home. So I told his family about it and they where all worried that he can't live depending on shack loans I mean that's not life at all. I even mention my problems with them. So they guaranteed me that its only my imagination, I then told them maybe its my imagination but my husband agreed to my imagination and even said it happened with his first wife.lol,when they ask him if that's true he disagreed saying I made him believe that.

I think you need to just leave him alone. Get a divorce and be done with it. He seems to be weak and wants someone who will take care of him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I think you need to just leave him alone. Get a divorce and be done with it. He seems to be weak and wants someone who will take care of him.

That's what I've been thinking about but because I still loves him and he also tells me the same,its just difficult for me to let go. I feel he needs more life advice especially towards marriage and relationships. I also feels we are being selfish to our daughter, and I never wanted a child without a father figure around. But I think I should just give him space to find himself meanwhile maybe I'll get along with everything and be ready for the world again. But how do you explain this to parents?

It's none of his parents business. Let him explain it. You take care of your daughter.
I know you said you still love him, but don't let him go back and forth with you and the other woman. You deserve better than that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

It's none of his parents business. Let him explain it. You take care of your daughter.
I know you said you still love him, but don't let him go back and forth with you and the other woman. You deserve better than that.

Thanks a lot. I think I must now start forcusing on other things in my life and just let him go. And accept its over.

I think that would be wise.
I wish you well.