I was 18 when I me my boyfriend he was 24, I had a one year old daughter from a previous relationship, he accepted my daughter & 6 months after dating I became pregnant with another girl, my oldest started calling him daddy since her biological father wasn't in the picture... well everything seemed fine for the first couple years, after 4 years of dating he introduced me to meth but I never got into it because my kids mean more to me, when he would get high he liked to masturbate a lot. One time I remember waking up & he wasn't in bed he was in my daughters room in an empty bed because both my girls fell asleep in same bed, he was masterbating to porn & said that was the only place he could get signal which we didn't get good signal he got up when I told him too & I told him that's not right & he said he won't do it again. He is an alcoholic and druggy which he wasn't when I first met him... Well 5 years later we had another girl & he got high one night & I was sharing my bed with my 3 girls because we fell asleep watching a movie & my oldest fell asleep at the foot & I woke up to him trying to lay by her at the foot it looked like he was playing with himself so I woke my child up & made her get by my middle child... It was my 2 month old, me, middle child then oldest in my king size bed I fell back asleep when she got close to me, then about 30 minutes I woke up to hearing her say I'm tired real loud then jerking her hand away and rolled onto her belly. I immediately jumped up and yanked the covers and saw her pants pulled down just pastd
Her butt & before I could say anything I was crying & he was saying what's wrong baby, your tripping. I made the girls get up & we went to my parents I didn't tell anyone in my family but a few days later I went to detective & had her interviewed & they said she didn't say anything happened so they closed case & said I can go back home. Now he is a registered sex offender for sleeping with a 14 yr old when he was 19, his brother is in jail for being accused of raping his girlfriends 7 yr old daughter but his isn't true because the girl was told to say that, but I have seen things with my own eyes an I feel disgusted & I never asked her because I'm scared I do love him but I am going to protect my kids. He seems to only have interest in my oldest though, he gets drunk everyday just about & he stares at her weird & when I catch him he looks away quickly, He denied everything but doesn't seem to be honest! Please tell me what you think I should do. We have been together for 7 years now, my oldest is 8 our kids we have together are 5 and 7 months.

I think you are a sad excuse for a mother. Having kid after kid with a drug addict and then after issue after issue, picking to stay with him and not leave. After what was obvious abuse, just because a poor child could not tell a police officer it happened, ( what did you see remember) you go back.

I think social services should have came in and taken the kids away from you long ago, and most likely will if you don't get yourself out and away from him.

Strange behavior indeed, even stranger that you have continued in this relationship after he started doing meth, let alone got caught masturbating in the room where your children sleep.
I would say that if you now want to protect your children you will get yourself and them far away from him.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

I think you are a sad excuse for a mother. Having kid after kid with a drug addict and then after issue after issue, picking to stay with him and not leave. After what was obvious abuse, just because a poor child could not tell a police officer it happened, ( what did you see remember) you go back.

I think social services should have came in and taken the kids away from you long ago, and most likely will if you dont get yourself out and away from him.

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I was 18 when I met him & he wasn't on drugs or drinking at that time, he started drinking 2 years after we dated, he didn't bring meth around me until after 4 or 5 years because he knew I was against it, I wasn't raised around it so I didn't know he was on it because it wasn't a everyday thing and the drinking and getting high part is just recently getting heavier. He wasn't always a drunk until AFTER we had our 3rd child. I AM a good mother & I take care of my kids I am just seeking help because I was half asleep when all that happened & though maybe I was tripping. But I think about it everyday & I do not let him around my kids alone! I am looking for advise because this is a scary situation. Oh & he called me stupid & worthless and makes me feel like I don't have anywhere to go all this is recent. So along with the verbal abuse I never been In this situation and I didn't ask to either but I am & all I was doing was asking for advise

And it was hard to leave after 5 years because he is all I know & I loved him. But now I am packing my stuff and getting the kids out but I am scared of him, that's why it's taking me so long. Now another question is if she didn't saying anything to the cop then how am I suppose to do anything if he has been abusing her!

If you are suspicious enough to not let your kids around him alone then I think you have your answer.
Get those girls the hell away from him.
And I strongly suggest getting a good lawyer as he will probably want visitation.

Thank you, I didn't realize it before that all he does is abuse me, he has made me quit every job I had to "stay home & be broke" I had to be home when he is home, he spends all of my child support after he blows his check and I get nothing & he is so far behind I. Bills. He won't see my oldest daughter again because she isn't biologically his, but I won't take a chance on my other kids

If you're accept this guy in your life... with his abuse, isolation, drug use, alcohol use and possible sexual abuse of your kids - you need COUNSELING ASAP!! You should not have children in your care. It's OK to bring yourself down to disaster by staying with this guy and ruining your own life but you're involving your children, risking their safety and teaching them lessons about how to treat themselves they can never unlearn. If they survive this - your relationship with them will never repair and they will hate you for permitting this stuff to happen in their lives. Wake up.

Get help now before it's too late.

He's bad; you're worse.

Someone needs to save the children. Is it going to be you?

Hell, I'd like to call CPS on both of you. Those kids deserve better.

Just to add: in case you're confused --- this man has all the signs of being a sexual molester and he is sexually abusing your kids. Your daughter may have lied to protect herself.. or he may be on the verge of doing more... what you saw should be enough to get you out of there --- a shelter can help you.

Ok... I was young when we got together... SORRY... I was looking for advice, when we got together I knew of his past & I talked to the derivative he told me about his case & he was a great man... He brained washed me & all of these signs are recent except the one where he was laying in bed watching porn separated bed than the girls & they were asleep. And the drugs isn't everyday & he doesn't do them in front of the kids because I don't allow that & he does drink in front of them but that's not illegal& I only tried meth twice because I was young & dumb, I don't do drugs & I have learning disabilities & have trouble remembering & functioning things in my head but I have had this thought for awhile now & I AM trying to do the right thing because I am a damn GOOD mother, I am trying to protect my babies. Everything is recent & I am just now realizing what's going on... Sooooo why the hell am I the one being called dumb & stupid & a bad mom. I am young & trying to do the right thing & y'all don't know & not in my situation & don't know my life I was seeking help & advice but guess I came to the wrong place

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Originally Posted by Adodge

Ok.... I was young when we got together....SORRY.... I was looking for advice, when we got together I knew of his past & I talked to the derivative he told me about his case & he was a great man.... He brained washed me & all of these signs r recent except the one where he was laying in bed watching porn separated bed than the girls & they were asleep. And the drugs isn't everyday & he doesn't do them in front of the kids because I don't allow that & he does drink in front of them but that's not illegal& I only tried meth twice because I was young & dumb, I don't do drugs & I have learning disabilities & have trouble remembering & functioning things in my head but I have had this thought for awhile now & I AM trying to do the right thing because I am a damn GOOD mother, I am trying to protect my babies. Everything is recent & I am just now realizing what's going on.... Sooooo why the hell am I the one being called dumb & stupid & a bad mom. I am young & trying to do the right thing & y'all don't know & not in my situation & don't know my life I was seeking help & advice but guess I came to the wrong place

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Once again someone has posted info, been criticized or questioned and changed the story.

I have no idea what talking to his derivative means so someone will have to fill me in on that.

He does drugs but not every day and not in front of the children (although I would assume they are aware of the after effects) and that's all right with you?

He watches porn when they are in the next bed but they are asleep - right?

And the molestation part? How are you now explaining that?

Why are you being called a bad Mom - because a good Mom would not allow her children to be molested exposed to porn, drugs, and alcohol and then plead her age and "learning disabilities" as excuses.

You are aware that IF he is molesting the children and IF anyone finds out you will lose custody, right?

Stop excusing his behavior and protect your children!

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Once again someone has posted info, been criticized or questioned and changed the story.

I have no idea what talking to his derivative means so someone will have to fill me in on that.

He does drugs but not every day and not in front of the children (although I would assume they are aware of the after effects) and that's all right with you?

He watches porn when they are in the next bed but they are asleep - right?

And the molestation part? How are you now explaining that?

Why are you being called a bad Mom - because a good Mom would not allow her children to be molested exposed to porn, drugs, and alcohol and then plead her age and "learning disabilities" as excuses.

You are aware that IF he is molesting the children and IF anyone finds out you will lose custody, right?

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Not to mention the long lasting emotional effects on a molested child. The way they relate to people, feel about themselves, the life decisions that make all are affected.
Counseling is needed ASAP.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Once again someone has posted info, been criticized or questioned and changed the story. MY STORY IS STILL the same, where has it changed????

I have no idea what talking to his derivative means so someone will have to fill me in on that.
STUPID AUTO CORRECT.... Meant I have talked to detective about myhusbands past before we got serious, he explained his charge & assured me that he isn't a bad guy!!!

He does drugs but not every day and not in front of the children (although I would assume they are aware of the after effects) and that's all right with you? I NEVER SAID its alright, I said its recent & becoming heavier & he stays in the room & is up when the kids r sleeping or away!!!

He watches porn when they are in the next bed but they are asleep - right?
I ONLY Saw this happened one time & I packed my stuff because I was furious, he told me he wouldn't do it again & begged me to stay. I was with him for years, so u tell me... Could u leave ur husband of 5+ yrs over one mistake.... That was first time anything like that happened

And the molestation part? How are you now explaining that? It's Recent behavior that I saw, I already explained that!!!!

Why are you being called a bad Mom - because a good Mom would not allow her children to be molested exposed to porn, drugs, and alcohol and then plead her age and "learning disabilities" as excuses.
I am not making excuses for my age or disabilities, I don't expose my kids to all that. They ain't even aloud to watch scary, rated r or nudity movies...Idk for sure she been abused, that's why I was asking for help because I suspected it. I'm sure your miss PERFECT mom and I bet u were a snotty in school & grown to hate ur self because no body else like u because the way u judge & treat people


You are aware that IF he is molesting the children and IF anyone finds out you will lose custody, right?
I am aware of that, that's why I was looking for advice on what actions to take since the detective closed the case & told me its safe to take my kids back home. Because I DO want to protect my kids & get them away but also want to prosecute him for abusing my little girl!

Stop excusing his behavior and protect your children!

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I'm not excusing his behavior I was stating information, maybe u have a messed up life so that makes u have the right to judge other when u don't know the whole story... Theirs only so much I was type at once

Whoa... YOU are the one that has the house with the molestor in it... with the drug use...

Its NOT Judging you when YOU are the one that said this is all happening... its a statement of fact. HUGE difference.

Everything JudyKayTee states is a fact... and exactly what most normal parents would be thinking and doing. Hell most normal SINGLE people would think it too. Not to mentioned people without kids.

And you are in fact making excuses by defending it... and your own actions, not just in words but deeds as well.

Seriously are you going to wait for CPS to take your kids before you acknowledge that there are a number of real problems that need addressing?

If you lived near me I would have called them... no kids need to deal with what is going on in your house.

This is one of those situations that are black or white... there are no shades of grey...

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Meant I have talked to detective about myhusbands past before we got serious, he explained his charge & assured me that he isn't a bad guy!!!

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I thought he was your BOYFRIEND, not your husband. This is one place where the story has changed. Past? He has a bad past? Hmmm, I wonder what that would be since he was such a good guy when you met him.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I NEVER SAID its alright, I said its recent & becoming heavier & he stays in the room & is up when the kids r sleeping or away!!!

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The children being awake or away is only your way of condoning his drug use. You do know what that is called don't you? Since you don't, it's called enabling behavior.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I ONLY Saw this happened one time & I packed my stuff because I was furious, he told me he wouldn't do it again & begged me to stay. I was with him for years, so u tell me... Could u leave ur husband of 5+ yrs over one mistake.... That was first time anything like that happened

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Yes, I could and WOULD leave my boyfriend/husband over that. A child's delicate mind and body is more important to me than a sick drug addicted child molester.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

It's Recent behavior that I saw, I already explained that!!!!

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It doesn't matter that it's recent behavior... what matters is that it actually happened.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I am not making excuses for my age or disabilities, I don't expose my kids to all that. They ain't even aloud to watch scary, rated r or nudity movies...

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No, but they are allowed to lay in bed asleep, or pretending they are asleep because they are scared, while your boyfriend, or husband, or whatever you call him, watches porn or masturbates. That's better than watching "scary" movies right?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Idk for sure she been abused, that's why I was asking for help because I suspected it.

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You don't know for sure if she's been abused but you saw him watching porn and masturbating in the same room/bed that your daughter was sleeping in. Guess what, that's abuse.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I'm sure your miss PERFECT mom and I bet u were a snotty in school & grown to hate ur self because no body else like u because the way u judge & treat people

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No one here is perfect. Nobody, but what you are doing to your child is criminal and should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law should you remain with this pervert. This man should be locked up and never see the light of day, while your children should be taken far from you.

Believe me, if I had the ability to report you to the authorities I would do that in a heartbeat. You are a very disturbed individual.

Oh, and Judy, sorry I had to quote you here, but the way the OP worded her last post it was the easiest way to quote her responses to you.

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Originally Posted by Adodge

I'm not excusing his behavior I was stating information, maybe u have a messed up life so that makes u have the right to judge other when u don't know the whole story.... Theirs only so much I was type at once

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The sad part of this is that the OP's story has shifted - husband or boyfriend - someone is using drugs and alcohol, maturbating and watching porn in the presence of the children and she thinks I'm the one with the problem.

Why post a question when you have absolutely no interest in any opinion other than that inside your head?

Enabler, not enabler, she is a co-abuser.

And, yes, I'd be on the phone with CPS in a heartbeat.

I will not call you dumb or stupid, if you have packed your bag and are not out of the house.

If you sleep another night with him in the house around the kids, then those are really nicer than I would use.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Adodge

I was 18 when I me my boyfriend he was 24, I had a one year old daughter from a previous relationship, he accepted my daughter & 6 months after dating I became pregnant with another girl, my oldest started calling him daddy since her biological father wasn't in the picture....well everything seemed fine for the first couple years, after 4 years of dating he introduced me to meth but I never got into it because my kids mean more to me, when he would get high he liked to masturbate a lot. One time I remember waking up & he wasn't in bed he was in my daughters room in an empty bed because both my girls fell asleep in same bed, he was masterbating to porn & said that was the only place he could get signal which we didn't get good signal he got up when I told him too & I told him that's not right & he said he wont do it again. He is an alcholic and druggy which he wasn't when I first met him... Well 5 years later we had another girl & he got high one night & I was sharing my bed with my 3 girls because we fell asleep watching a movie & my oldest fell asleep at the foot & I woke up to him trying to lay by her at the foot it looked like he was playing with himself so I woke my child up & made her get by my middle child .... It was my 2 month old, me, middle child then oldest in my king size bed I fell back asleep when she got close to me, then about 30 minutes I woke up to hearing her say I'm tired real loud then jerking her hand away and rolled onto her belly. I immediately jumped up and yanked the covers and saw her pants pulled down just pastd
her butt & b4 I could say anything I was crying & he was saying what's wrong baby, your tripping. I made the girls get up & we went to my parents I didn't tell anyone in my family but a few days later I went to detective & had her interviewed & they said she didn't say anything happened so they closed case & said I can go back home. Now he is a registered sex offender for sleeping with a 14 yr old when he was 19, his brother is in jail for being accused of raping his girlfriends 7 yr old daughter but his isn't true because the girl was told to say that, but I have seen things with my own eyes an I feel disgusted & I never asked her because I'm scared I do love him but I am going to protect my kids. He seems to only have interest in my oldest though, he gets drunk everyday just about & he stares at her weird & when i catch him he looks away quickly, He denied everything but doesn't seem to be honest! Please tell me what u think I should do. We have been together for 7 years now, my oldest is 8 our kids we have together are 5 and 7 months.

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This may seem harsh but you aren't 18 years old now and you lost the privilege of being considered 'too young to understand' what is going on around you when you had your first daughter. It is a part of growing up and being a mother to be aware any threats to your child's safety.

Please don't give me the 'no where to go' story after only five months ago (going by what you give as your youngest child's age), you went to your family. What happened in five months to close that door?

Contact your local police or children's services and ask for the location of the nearest women's shelter. They can also help you get there.

Contact a support group for family members of alcoholics and drug abusers. They can give you support to stay away from him and keep from repeating a bad pattern.

Be honest with yourself. Love doesn't conquer all. It can be a boulder that you carry on your back until you realize that it wasn't love. It was your own addiction and co-dependency keeping you there. Love yourself and your children enough to let the self-deception go.

Let the fear go. Take the blinders off and see where you have been ignoring red flags since you learned about his past. He isn't the person you thought he was or wanted him to be.

4+5=9
According to this post, you were with him for four years before the incident in the girl's room (backed up by your post about him not bringing meth around you for 4 to five years) and it was another five years until the more recent events. So you have been with him for about 9 years instead of 7.