Okay I went out with this guy for 5 months and recently we broke up my best friend hates him and I mean hates him she doesn't even know him they go to the same school and she often told me she hears a lot of things he says about me but I don't believe it because me and him are very close and were friends a long time before we started dating.. so recently when me and him broke up she was so happy but then I told her that I was going to see him sometime on the wekeend and she freaked out saying I have to choose between him or her I don't think that is fair since she doesn't know him like I know him and she is trying to control my life which she has been trying to do more and more she tells me what to do and when I say no she gets mad but now she is making me choose between the guy in in love with or her and I tried showing her my point of view saying that isn't fair and that you don't even know him so how can you be so quick to judge him but she still says no I don't know what to do I mena she is my best friend but I don't know how to convince her that its my life and my choice to make if I want to be with him or not and how to get her not to say choose so someone help me please I don't know what else to do thank-you

One of 2 things is going on either she is jealous or she's trying to protect you. I really don't think that a true friend should make you chose, but it happens. A true friend should try her best to to protect you, but let you make your own decisions. If the guy ends up being a bad guy, and you get hurt, she should be there to dry your tears.

Before you make a decision, is there anyone that can confirm her claims about him saying bad things about you?

I'm assuming you are a teen. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but here's just a bit of advice from someone who's been there done that. Guys come and go, best friends don't. Figure out is she really is your best friend and take it from there. Hope that helps a little.

Well I'm friends with a lot of his friends and some girls too and they say different from day one she hasn't wanted me with him but you see ever since I have knen her she has always told me what to do who to be with don't do that and I have listened but now I dound a guy I really like and he really likes me I mean he cried when he dumped me which caused me to cry too she has made me do such stupid things that I have gotten into trouble for and she even told me that she is trying to protect me but when I decide what I want to do and tell her she just says that's not right and hangs up the phone or starts yelling and honestly I don't want to be friends with someone that tries to live my life instead of living her own but she is my best friend and I know she has problems that she has to deal with too but I just don't know what to do or say to her anymore

Well...

Is she a liar or not?

She hates him for some reason. Maybe its just rumors. But she believes what she says is true, or she wants to manipulate you. From the sound of it, it is the later.

Drop the drama. Thatd be her most likely. Even if the guy is a total jerk and everything she says is true, do you really need to be friends with someone who likes to control you so much?

Id say lose her. And cautiously give him a chance if you want to. But since he dropped you, hed better be willing to work for your attention. Don't be his plaything. If he's not willing to do the work and treat you right, you can do better.

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Originally Posted by kristasia32

i was gonna see him sometime on the wekeend and she freaked out saying i have to choose between him or her

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I would have told her it was nice knowing you. She's not a friend if she gives you a ultimatum.

Let's be clear too. Her best friend is not you. It's drama. She also LOVES drama. She wants to stir some up between you and your ex. When that doesn't work she pull out the pick one or the other card which guarantees more drama for her. Either you pick her and she has the drama of breaking you two up for good or you pick him and she can go back to school and call you all kinds of things and say that he broke up your friendship, but more importantly to her increasing her drama issues that make life worth living for her.

Bet she doesn't have a b/f of her own. She is controlling and jealous and the bottom line is with friends like her, you don't need enemies. Leave her alone.

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Originally Posted by kristasia32

okay i went out with this guy for 5 months and recently we broke up my best friend hates him and i mean hates him she doesnt even know him they go to the same school and she often told me she hears alot of things he says about me but i dont belive it because me and him are very close and were friends a long time before we started dating..so recently when me and him broke up she was so happy but then i told her that i was gonna see him sometime on the wekeend and she freaked out saying i have to choose between him or her i dont think that is fair since she doesnt know him like i know him and she is trying to control my life which she has been trying to do more and more she tells me what to do and when i say no she gets mad but now she is making me choose between the guy in inlove with or her and i tried showing her my point of view saying that isnt fair and that you dont even know him so how can you be so quick to judge him but she still says no i dont know what to do i mena she is my best friend but i dont know how to convince her that its my life and my choice to make if i want to be with him or not and how to get her not to say choose so somone help me please i dont know what else to do thank-you

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:rolleyes: I say she is jealous I have a friend like that. I told her about this party and she didn't want to go, so I went with my boyfriend, who she hates by the way... and one of her friends was there and he told her that I was there with my boyfriend, she got all crazy and told me "YOU ALWAYS RUN BACK TO HIM" she pissed me off so bad! I felt like kicking her! All in all go with your heart she's not going to cuddle wit you at night is she? She needs to be understanding, I know that she is looking out for you but there is an extent to which she can go... don't let her control who you talk to people need to make mistakes to learn from them. Hope this helps out.:cool:

Yeah I understand what all of you are saying my mom said the same thing she is a controlling little girl and she takes great pride in telling people what to do and I agree the romours are not true I mean even after we broke up we are trying to make it work talk as much as we can and still tell each other how much we care about each other I guess maybe it is jelousy since before I started going out with him all my time was focused on her and what she wanted to do and she got used to the attention but I still called her everyday and helped her and gave her the best advice I can but do you think if I stop calling her and show that I am doing what I think is right she will soon relize that I'm sticking up for myself and that maybe I have a different way of looking at things? Give her time to calm down I think choosing is wrong to be honest even though she is my best friend she was never there for me when I got dumped before and cried she talked for about 10 min about him then switched the conversation to herself like it usually is about her love life then when it comes to mine your making the wrong choice I told you not to talk about him and all this stuff I duno what else to say to her that's where I come to a problem

People need to re-examine their use of the word "friend." It gets tossed around so often that it has lost its meaning.
Watch who you trust.

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Originally Posted by entrepinoy

People need to re-examine their use of the word "friend." It gets tossed around so often that it has lost its meaning.
Watch who you trust.

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It sure does. As some of the people at this website can attest to the word love is overly used and not always the case. Same thing there as well. Watch who you trust.

But just because someone says there your friend or they hang around you does not make them a friend. It makes them someone you hang around. A friend is a deeper relationship between two people who try to better the other. Anyone that uses another person to get what they want is not a friend.

Yeah well I have knen her for awile but latly she has been telling me more and more what to do and I have kind of been umm no and then she started telling me what to do in my relationship and when me and him were having problems she didn't even want me to try and fix them just because she doesn't like him she expected me to listen to her which I didn't that got her mad but I'm giving her time not calling not talking to her when she relizes that she was wrong then she can come to me

[QUOTE][she often told me she hears a lot of things he says about me but I don't believe it because me and him are very close and were friends a long time before we started dating.. so recently when me and him broke up she was so happy but then I told her that I was going to see him sometime on the wekeend and she freaked out saying I have to choose between him or her I don't think that is fair since she doesn't know him like I know him and she is trying to control my life which she has been trying to do more and more she tells me what to do and when I say no she gets mad but now she is making me choose between the guy in in love with or her /QUOTE]


OK , hgard truth this girl IS NOT YOUR FRIEDN if she tries to control your life! I am nbot being nasty or disrepectful to her but No one has the right to control your life!

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me and him are very close and were friends a long time before we started dating

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There is your answer! You were his feind before so with would he say stuff about you?

If he was your friend 1st then you know who to trust.

OK I hope this helps.:)

Lol yes it does see I have been tyring to icnore her but eveyday I go on msn and she has something to say like I had a quote and it sayd " to feel love is to taste chocolate for the first time " and she starts a conversation with me and she said " not everyone likes chocolate so once again your name doesnt make sence" like what the hell she doesn't want to be my friend why is she trying to talk to me I don't get that?? Anyone want to help I agree though a friend should let you do what you want to do weather they like it or not they can say what they think is right but when it comes to what you want to do its your decision not theirs

A real friend does not force you to choose between them and other people. They let you know that they love you and stand beside you through thick and thin. You have nothing to convince her of. Do what you want. If she wants to share her opinion, that's fine... but she shouldn't ask you to choose. Whether you are doing the right thing or not, all she can do is tell you how she feels and support you if you get hurt.

Didi

Yes I agree to that a best friend shouldn't make you choose.. I think she has giving me the advice she wants me to do.. like trying to turn me into her or something which I think is wrong.. but I'm not going to pay any attention to her anymore I'm sick eveytime we get into a fight to always be the one to say sorry well this time its not going to be me because I know what I'm doing is right

Did they happen to have a pass that you don't know about? I know it's a hard question to answer but it's necessary. She hates him for some reason and either he did something bad to her or she hates him for no reason.

This thread is over two years old... no new advice needed unless the OP'er comes back to it... and she hasn't been here since march 2007.

Dead thread.

Closed