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I recently found out my boyfriend has been watching porn. We still have sex but not as much as I would like and he says it because we have a six month old son and it's hard to work around his schedule. He likes watching girls with big tits and mine are small. I'm worried that he is not attracted to me because I had a baby and gained a little weight and have some stretch marks on my tummy. Overall I'm still young 20 years old and I only weigh 120.. Is there something wrong with me?
#1... get over it... it has NOTHING to do with you. All guys watch women... those that are still breathing anyway. We are all wired that way. Looking isn't chasing... and you have to chase before you can cheat.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lalagomez
#2... quit snooping... unless you want to make sure he leaves you... unless you really want to piss him off enough to leave... then keep snooping.
You aren't fat... stretch marks don't scare us away... (most of us anyway)... so don't assume there is anything wrong with you physically because he looks.
My wife has small boobs... I like to see big boobs too... yet I've been married for 20+ years and counting.
Porn has nothing to do with your relationship.
You have to think of it like chick flicks. You don't expect your boyfriend to be JUST like that guy doing unrealistic romantic things in the movies. Yes, it would be nice if he did some romantic stuff occasionally, and maybe got some ideas from those movies, but you totally do NOT expect him to do it, and you aren't thinking of that guy who did the romantic crap in the movie when you're with your boyfriend.
Porn = male version of a chick flick. They don't expect you to be those girls or do the things those girls do. They aren't even thinking of you and them in the same breath, because they're NOT REAL. It's 100% a different form of gratification than your relationship, and as long as it's not really affecting your relationship, you should 1. stop snooping and 2. let it go.
As far as not having as much sex because of a baby--Yup. I have an 8 month old. It seems like it's impossible to both be in the mood at the same time when the baby doesn't need something.
Finally--STOP basing your opinion of yourself on what you think your boyfriend thinks of your BODY. That's just DUMB. Who you are isn't your looks. Get the confidence to believe that YOU are important to your boyfriend and your LOOKS are not the reason. Thinking it's about you will just lead to depression and even worse body image. Do something that will help you gain confidence, something that isn't based on your physical appearance.
Exactly, like Synnen said... if only the best looking women got the guys because that's all guys wanted... few ugly ones would have a partner and not so many average looking ones either.
Fact is, you are more than just your body... whats inside will only make that way better or way worse. And MOST guys would much rather have an average looking woman with a sparkling personality and a positive attitude than a supermodle with a gods gift to mankind mindset. And the self centered arrogance that goes with it.
Lala, do you live together (if so, for how long?) and share the responsibilities that parenting, house-holding, etc. bring? Is he your sole source of entertainment and socialization since you had the baby? Do you work? Is he the sole source of monetary support for your new family? As such, is he trying to do more work to make ends meet?
Did you listen and pay attention to what he said are the reasons for the slow down? Do you agree with him that timing has been off since the baby came? Have you discussed thoughts on how to get back on a more synchronized schedule? Until you can, have you tried thinking of ways to share affection and intimacy that don't depend on sex? Little ways you can show that you both care about each other to keep the flame burning?
I note that you have been with him since you were 13 years old. It means you have practically grown up with him. If he wanted someone in real life with a different body type then he probably would not have stayed with you through all of these years. Even if you started having sex with him at 13 years of age, I would bet that he was also looking at erotica/porn and masturbating which means this behavior is nothing new. It also means it has nothing to do with you as Synn and Smoothy have said.
I am going to have go and agree with Smoothy and Synenn and cat.
He is still with you and he is still making sweet love to you. It shouldn't be a surprise that his sex drive has taken a little hit. You have a six month old, that is a level of tired and exhaustion that makes it hard to get it on.
Don't be worried. This is perfectly fine and perfectly normal. Realize that your husband loves you and makes love to you. He isn't wandering or cheating on you.
Men are visual creatures. We like looking at naked women. At times it doesn't matter who, how old, how big, or how small they are; they're naked so it is all good. Trust me on this, my girlfriend is on the larger side, but I am looking at asian, midget, barely legal, group, orgy, and pretty much anything you can think of. Precious little of the porn looks like her. Doesn't lessen my feelings for her or the desire to ravish her.
Don't look on his computer any more. Give him a little privacy. He is probably embarrassed about his porn a little and having you find it and throw it in his face will be very shaming for him. Just accept that it is there and it happens. It isn't a reflection on you or how you look. It is just that he likes looking at naked people.
As I said, the only issue here is his sex drive, and that is caused by your child. When things even out you can probably look forward to him taking you in a manly way more often.
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