I recently got into a relationship. I go out of state for school and I'm at home for the summer and my boyfriend is back at school. I wanted to visit him but my dad said no. I feel that my father is out of line because I'm 20 years old, when I was in HS I did a good job of getting my sister places, and on top that I've had to loan my dad money before. Basically, I have proved time and time again that I am a responsible adult who will make responsible decisions. This type of behavior makes me not want to never come back home for the summer or to vista during the school year. How can I possibly lobby to get to go and visit my boyfriend this weekend? I'm 20 years old. I shouldn't have to ask...

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Originally Posted by SoftSummer

I recently got into a relationship. I go out of state for school and I'm at home for the summer and my boyfriend is back at school. I wanted to visit him but my dad said no. I feel that my father is out of line because I'm 20 years old, when I was in HS I did a good job of getting my sister places, and on top that I've had to loan my dad money before. Basically, I have proved time and time again that I am a responsible adult who will make responsible decisions. This type of behavior makes me not want to never come back home for the summer or to vista during the school year. How can I possibly lobby to get to go and visit my boyfriend this weekend? I'm 20 years old. I shouldn't have to ask...

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When you have your own place and pay your own way... then you get to make the rules... as long as you live in your dads house you have to live with his rules. Its clear you aren't supporting yourself... and until you are you will have to live by his rules.

If you had your own place and had your own money and was supporting yourself you wouldn't be asking this right now.

What's really going on here is you want to have sex all weekend with your boyfriend... possibly get pregnant.(NO form of birth control is 100% effective).. and your father knows this all too well.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

When you have your own place and pay your own way...then you get to make the rules...as long as you live in your dads house you have to live with his rules. Its clear you aren't supporting yourself...and until you are you will have to live by his rules.

If you had your own place and had your own money and was supporting yourself you wouldn't be asking this right now.

Whats really going on here is you want to have sex all weekend with your boyfriend....possibly get pregnant.(NO form of birth control is 100% effective)..and your father knows this all too well.

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I don't think it is fair to assume the OP "wants to have sex all weekend and get pregnant".

Sorry smooth, I just don't agree with this comment.

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Originally Posted by tickle

I don't think it is fair to assume the OP "wants to have sex all weekend and get pregnant".

Sorry smooth, I just don't agree with this comment.

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Think back to when you were that age... college and this is SOOOOOoooo very important for them to get this upset about... it can't be anything else, or boyfriend could come over to dads to visit.. I remember being in that 18-22 year old period like it was yesterday.

I'm pretty sure dad does as well.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Think back to when you were that age.....college and this is SOOOOOoooo very important for them to get this upset about.....it can't be anything else, or boyfriend could come over to dads to visit.. I remember being in that 18-22 year old period like it was yesterday.

I'm pretty sure dad does as well.

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Haha, no, I was a bookworm and anyway smooth (doing some quick math... ) you just didn't do that stuff 50 years ago.

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Originally Posted by tickle

Haha, no, I was a bookworm and anyway smooth (doing some quick math......) you just didn't do that stuff 50 years ago.

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Well... 30 years ago when I was that age ( right after the time AIDS hit the scene and before they found out what caused it)... we did if and when we could get away with it... and certainly that's exactly what's in HIS mind. And I wasn't the High School jock that had women throwing themselves at him... and I still did every opportunity I got... and anywhere I could.

And with the soring rates of unplanned pregnancies... there is no idication it ever slowed down much less stopped since then.

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Originally Posted by tickle

Haha, no, I was a bookworm and anyway smooth (doing some quick math......) you just didn't do that stuff 50 years ago.

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Even bookworms did that back when rocks were cooling. We were just more clever and creative in how we went about it behind our parents' backs.

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Originally Posted by SoftSummer

How can I possibly lobby to get to go and visit my boyfriend this weekend? I'm 20 years old. I shouldn't have to ask...

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You are completely valid, but so is your old man by implying "my house, my rules". So, the only logical solution is to move out.

Option B is to rebel until he realizes you're going to do what you want to, but you don't strike as that type of person. And, moreover, at 20 it's a little late to be starting that game.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Even bookworms did that back when rocks were cooling. We were just more clever and creative in how we went about it behind our parents' backs.

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I didn't go behind my parents' backs way back when, I respected their opinion of me too much for that. I am not being a fussbuget. It was a different world then; you came in when the street lights came on and you didn't play with anything other then your friends. It was good clean fun and you did your bookwork, listened to the radio with your dad, and then you went to bed and started all over again the next day.

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Originally Posted by tickle

I didnt go behind my parents' backs way back when, I respected their opinion of me too much for that. I am not being a fussbuget. It was a different world then; you came in when the street lights came on and you didnt play with anything other then your friends. It was good clean fun and you did your bookwork, listened to the radio with your dad, and then you went to bed and started all over again the next day.

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I was the well-behaved oldest child of a preacher, so goofing wasn't around for me. But I grew up in a rural area with farmers' kids who didn't always toe the line. Too many submarine races to watch from the Lake Ontario beach...

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Originally Posted by smoothy

When you have your own place and pay your own way...then you get to make the rules...as long as you live in your dads house you have to live with his rules. Its clear you aren't supporting yourself...and until you are you will have to live by his rules.

If you had your own place and had your own money and was supporting yourself you wouldn't be asking this right now.

Whats really going on here is you want to have sex all weekend with your boyfriend....possibly get pregnant.(NO form of birth control is 100% effective)..and your father knows this all too well.

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Actually I don't... I'm a virgin and I don't plan on having sex until I'm married. My boyfriend knows and accepts that as well

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Originally Posted by tickle

I don't think it is fair to assume the OP "wants to have sex all weekend and get pregnant".

Sorry smooth, I just don't agree with this comment.

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Thanks. That comment is completely... bizzare. Not helpful at all. I appreciate him taking time or whatever to give his input, but it's bizarre.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Think back to when you were that age.....college and this is SOOOOOoooo very important for them to get this upset about.....it can't be anything else, or boyfriend could come over to dads to visit.. I remember being in that 18-22 year old period like it was yesterday.

I'm pretty sure dad does as well.

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And my boyfriend has come to visit me in my state. He has met my parents and everything, which is why it is even more bizarre that I can't go.

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Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

You are completely valid, but so is your old man by implying "my house, my rules". So, the only logical solution is to move out.

Option B is to rebel until he realizes you're gonna do what you want to, but you don't strike as that type of person. And, moreover, at 20 it's a little late to be starting that game.

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Yea... never had or cared to rebel in my life... not in my nature, but I may have to make exceptions.

Why are you asking? Do you need dad's help to get there?

I would go to him and tell him; daddy, I'm an adult. I make my own decisions now. I wasn't asking you if I can go I am telling you I'm going.

But you need to be prepared to get there on your own.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

Why are you asking? Do you need dad's help to get there?

I would go to him and tell him; daddy, I'm an adult. I make my own decisions now. I wasn't asking you if I can go I am telling you I'm going.

But you need to be prepared to get there on your own.

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Well, he pays for my car but I could totally take a train

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Originally Posted by SoftSummer

Well, he pays for my car but I could totally take a train

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Exactly, if he pays for you car, he has a right to say how its used. So don't use the car.

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Originally Posted by SoftSummer

and my boyfriend has come to visit me in my state. He has met my parents and everything, which is why it is even more bizarre that I can't go.

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Because they know guys... and while you can say this... and it might even be true... in at least 95% of the cases... something else is really going to happen (and in 99.9% of the cases it won't be for him not trying). And they have been your age as well.

You can blame those assumptions on untold Billions of people that have been your age since before man discovered fire until today. That and the fact every kid that has ever walked the earth has lied at some point and embellished the facts over their lives too when they wanted something the parents said no to..

As I said... you might be completely honest about this... and boyfriend might be totally cool with it. (I'm willing to take you at your word as you aren't my kid)... in which case you both should be nominated as saints assuming you are Catholic. They have every valid reason in the world to be skeptical because they do care about you. More than you may think.

I'm not trying to be mean... I'm trying to get you to see it from their perspective so you can understand WHY. Because this is exactly how they are viewing this.

That and this is exactly some of the conditions many sexual assaults and date rapes happen. And most times its not strangers that do it statistically.

Oh... and I forgot... all the current spring break Videos and GIrls Gone Wild videos of college kids behaving badly doesn't help you either... like I said... you might well be the exception... but there are so many examples out there of the majority that aren't and most of them were daddies little girl too.

And trust me... as a father little hits you like a kick in the balls more than seeing your little girl on one of those videos and the greatest fear of a father that you might at some point..

Quite honestly... if you can keep it up and he (boyfriend) is really fine with it (you staying a virgin)... more power to the both of you... and I mean it from the heart

I assume dad is paying for the college too. More reason he has a say in this if the answer is he's paying any part of it.