Ask Me Help Desk - Strong willed boy

Hello! I have 2 kids. 6 girl and my 4 yr ols boy! My daughter is pretty good. My son on the other hand is a handfull. Here is a brief story to help you know about us. I am now divorsed have been for 3 yrs. The kids go with there dad everyother weekend. We both are in other relationships and have been for about 1 1/2. OK so my son doesn't listen. He will one day but the next day the same thing he did the day before he won't. He goes to day care (I wish he didnt) and the day care is at a loss. They don't know what to do. At my home we are doing time outs for him not listening. It seems to be OK but then he has a bad day. I know it happens but it should be this bad. My daughter was great. I know not to compare but wow what a difference. And I feel bad because my son is in trouble a lot my daughter is playing alone while we deal with the boy. I just don't know if there is a hidden way to hand a child like this or if its just working htrough the hard times. It drives me crazy and it makes me want to cry (yes I am all women).

Thanks for reading.

I think your son may be feeling the loss of his parents not being together. Sometimes there is so much more when children don't listen, it is more internally what they are feeling. As a daycare teacher when I observe children especially in the dramatic area I hear them talking about what they are feeling through toys, dolls, etc.

I would suggest reading a child's book about divorce or even try putting toys in his bath than he can play with or wash, and observe him.

I would talk to a health nurse to see if they can observe him at the daycare. Sounds like he is looking for love and attention.

I think you would want to be careful about time out, used unwisely can cause harm. I think you should also find a way to take care of yourself - maybe parent groups. It is important for you as the parent. It is amazing how much we are good to others when we take good care of ourselves.

Your son sees his life is out of control so he will take whatever control he can, his own behavior. He needs and wants attention. Positive attention is hard to get and leaves quickly. Negative attention is easy to get and stays for a long time, doesn't care its negative, its attention. Continue to seek advice, maybe from a child psychologist.

Quote:

Originally Posted by spea94

hello! i have 2 kids. 6 girl and my 4 yr ols boy! my daughter is pretty good. my son on the other hand is a handfull. here is a breif story to help you know about us. i am now divorsed have been for 3 yrs. the kids go with there dad everyother weekend. we both are in other relationships and have been for about 1 1/2. ok so my son dosent listen. he will one day but the next day the same thing he did the day before he wont. he goes to day care (i wish he didnt) and the day care is at a loss. they dont know what to do. at my home we are doing time outs for him not listening. it seems to be ok but then he has a bad day. i know it happens but it should be this bad. my daughter was great. i know not to compare but wow what a difference. and i feel bad because my son is in trouble alot my daughter is playing alone while we deal with the boy. i just dont know if there is a hidden way to hand a child like this or if its just working htrough the hard times. it drives me crazy and it makes me want to cry (yes i am all women).

thanks for reading.

Hello! Thanks for all the answers. Just updating... my son is a good boy! We had a great weekend. He listened, did have a fit or anyhting. Now I am going to start looking at the school on why he is so bad at school...

Wait a bit, you said, "at my home we are doing time outs for him not listening. it seems to be ok but then he has a bad day." There was no mention of being bad at school, only.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ballengerb1

Wait a bit, you said, "at my home we are doing time outs for him not listening. it seems to be ok but then he has a bad day." There was no mention of being bad at school, only.

It was both. He had moments at home as well as school. Its been about a month, we have been working on the time out thing and that has worked. It took a month at home to keep him in line and I am so glad, I can enjoy 2 wonderful kids! Last week was the 1st week with no time outs at all at home. I got a call from the day care wed that said he just won't do anything and he is crying. This is not the first time he has had this happen as I said up there that we have been doing this new time out thing for a month. And seeing how he was last week and the weekend I was happy and then realised that there is something to look into at the day care.